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Rarefan - L'affaire Bob

Title: L'affaire Bob
Chapters read: 4/11
Score: 2/10

INTRODUCTION:
L'affaire Bob is an interesting story regarding time travel and...detectives? A great and authentic plot can be driven from this, though overshadowed by the fact that not only did the writing and the pacing of the story failed to impress, but the characters were too exaggerated and artificial for my tastes and at some points, awkward.

What I LIKED about your book:
The plot is very authentic! On my weeks of browsing through different books and stories in Wattpad, I haven't seen one regarding a mix of time-travel and mystery. You've also emphasized a lot of intrigue, especially in the earlier chapters which acted likely to hook your readers into the story itself.

What I DIDN'T LIKE about your book:
I'm sorry for the negative review, I just feel so bad when I give negative reviews but here it goes:

The details here are confusing at many points and it mostly encompasses your characters only. Little to none details are given to the scenery and world-building. Let's talk about why the details are confusing.

First, the MC repeatedly breaks the fourth wall which, if you have a reason, is clearly acceptable, but you don't have a reason to break the fourth wall and it just makes me confused whenever he does.

Second, you've cut out so much details in the earlier parts of the story that we are left reeling in whatever small amount of detail you gave us. I know you have the intention to reveal it in the later parts of the story, but you've just cut out too much important details that it had the butterfly effect in future scenes.

Third is the little to none details in scenery. Whenever your characters were talking, I don't imagine the space they stand in, except for some where scenery was detailed a bit. It's literally blank room syndrome when there's no detail to scenery. Scenery is always as important as your characters as while your characters give the story life, scenery it what gives it color.

Fourth is some of the details are not expressed in narrative form but rather, it's directly fed to the reader. Sentences like for example "my hair is really black," I tend to avoid those because that's directly feeding it to the readers, which removes some of it's artistic value. Try to give details in a more indirect matter, it gives more color for me.

Now let's talk about your characters. Paul was understandable and so was the woman, somewhat relatable even. It's their dialogues that we have to talk about. Most of their dialogue were quite forced and awkward at some, especially when it came to Paul and the woman's dialogues. Try to use their personalities when it came to their manner of speaking also. Paul literally treats the woman like she's really annoying and stuff when she's just revealing to him that he's a time traveler. Paul's manner of speaking directly attacks your attempt to give off the woman as mysterious. It just makes her less-intriguing given that Paul speaks of her so comically.

The plot was puzzling at some too because of pacing. It was paced too fast that there's missing time in between chapters. Now missing time isn't bad at all but missing time should've been used in your advantage, as with it, you can describe more of your characters or reveal interesting information that might influence your future chapters. Right now, your missing time just made it look like the story's plot was very rushed.

There are also some grammatical errors here and then. Try to use grammarly to correct these mistakes! I always use it for my papers and they literally detect all grammatical errors. It's useful when you're fast typing and you don't notice the minor mistakes.

CONCLUSION:
This book has potential. It's interesting and if fixed, quite entertaining too.

Try to work in your detailing more! Pan out your focus in detailing so that it includes scenery too! For dialogue, I always test out my dialogues to see if they sound real or not by speaking to myself. I test out my details by narrating the whole story itself. If it sounds like a book, then it works. If my dialogue sounds like real conversations, then it works.

Keep practicing! Practice makes perfect!