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KatyBizi - Origins

Title: Origins
Chapters Read: 6
Score: 6/10

INTRODUCTION
Origins delves deep into the depths of fantasy, concealed by a cliche American girl set-up. Though intriguing , the flames of interest are quickly put out by the story's bland premise.

What I liked about your story:
The narrative is constant and not confusing, though the details were kinda straightforward for my tastes. But clearly, you've aced the first-person narrative.

The characters were also built to be likeable and relatable. Kristy's the most interesting one, as she really embodies the aspects of an outcasted teenager. She's got the sass but she's definitely lonely. She's also experienced bullying throughout her life, which you have extensively narrated and this transforms her into the tough girl she is. For putting a strong female lead is commendable! But detailing what made her into such a character is definitely extra points.

The scenery was decently described too. Especially when it came to the house they moved in in Dragony, though I noticed that scenery was left out as the chapters progressed.

What I DIDN'T LIKE about your book:
Let's start with the most likely problem with your book: the premise.

Although the plot was interesting, the premise was not. The first chapters were filled with boring information and lacking in action. There's no definite conflict until chapter 6. The early chapters are just fillers. Yes, the chapters were used to resourcefully introduce your characters one by one, it just lacked in action that it didn't pique my interest to read further, for it was filled with personal moments of the  MC that had slight to no relevance to the plot itself, save for the dreams though, they invoked a little sense of curiosity for me.

The details were also fluctuating in quality. Scenes were not made with a constant attribute. Some felt rushed and colorless while others were interesting and fun to read. The sheer amount of unnecessary details here is also a problem. Word fillers are always a pain in the ear even if they make your story look longer, avoid them as much as you can.

There were also a lot of grammatical and spelling errors here but that's forgivable.

CONCLUSION:
The plot is interesting itself and so is the future chapters (I've skimmed through more chapters.) The problem here really lies to how you introduce your story. For me, the premise is the most important part of the story because it's what creates the people's impression of your book. When it reads off as boring, then the whole book will look like it's boring. But if it's interesting, then the whole book will sound like it's interesting.

Though I must admit that you're book was quite enjoyable especially to the further chapters I skimmed to (up to chapter 15 I think.) Remove those extra scenes or introduce your conflict earlier into the story. Try to really draw your readers into the story.

Sorry if I was impatient to read further though! Trust me, your story is great!