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DESTINY5611 - The Wall

Title: The Wall
Chapters read: 5/26
Score: 2/10

INTRODUCTION:
The Wall tells of obviously, a wall that goes to other dimensions. It is a story that clearly disappointed, with it's characters without a sliver of authenticity creating outrageous decisions and actions for the sake of plot material, a confusing storyline, and much more confusing plot holes that seemed to have been carelessly placed in the story.

What I LIKED about your book:
The writing here was decent at least. It's not that bad.

What I DIDN'T LIKE about your book:
Before I point out general mistakes, let's clarify things that confused me first.

How did the mother die in the first place? Yes there were internal injuries but where? How severe was it that she wasn't savable? There's no explanation on what killed her but I suppose that's to add intrigue to the story but at least give us the details regarding her death, because it just sounds ridiculous at this point.

Second is, she had a funeral for her mother, right? Did people attend? If so, I assume there's coworkers and relatives who would've attended that. But no one had the heart to invite her at least to live with them? They're letting a minor live by herself for a week before she realizes that she can live with her uncle, it took her a week to figure that out. How come her neighbors didn't even check on her in that span of one week if she was still alive in that house? Or if any of them at least offered her refuge as her father was still missing? Her uncle too, why didn't he hear about her missing father and dead mother when he literally lives just at the end of their street?

Third is when her mother's really bleeding and there's this loud screeching sound, no neighbor came to help her or at least call for emergency personnel? Why did they just stare? And given that her mother fainted why didn't she call 911 herself? It was said in the story that she took her mother to the hospital so she would've known how to drive? She could've lifted her mother?

Fourth is when she moved, one I really comprehend is she waited for a week before she got the idea to move, dodging all the possible dangers that she was in given that she lives alone, vulnerable. Now that she has moved to her oblivious uncle at the end of her street, she brings none with her? Not even clothes, money, or at least things that would've had sentimental value to her? And what's gonna happen with her former house?

Okay questions asked, moving on to details. The details here were quite decent. But why does the details sound like she's talking to the reader and not to herself? It's like she's constantly breaking the fourth wall. There's also literally no scenery in the detailing, which screamed blank room syndrome in every scene.

The characters here were also outrageous. They're these picture perfect cardboard cutouts. Her parents are missing and she didn't feel grief at all, or at least it wasn't represented. Even her uncle and Heather didn't feel a sliver of grief and instead of actually integrating herself into the new family she moved in, she sets out with a complete stranger to go to 'a wall that goes to different dimensions.'

CONCLUSION:
I'm deeply sorry for the negative review. It's just the story is so much of a blur that there's nothing comprehensible to be taken from it. Try to plan out your chapters and plot, make your characters more human-like. Invest more to your story.

Keep practicing! Always keep writing!