I just can't seem to pull myself together. I just can't stop... thinking about it...
Once I arrived in the airport, I hurried over the counter for fastest airplane that would arrive in Thailand first. I exchanged my wons to baht and hurried to the gate.
Once the gate was called open, I hurried to sit on the seat beside the window and just started praying for nothing worse to happen.
After hours of anticipating, without my know, I have finally arrived in Thailand. I got up from my seat and hurried out of the airplane.
I called my driver and in no time, he arrived. We hurried to the hospital and I rushed to my mom's room. Anna, the one who called me was waiting in front of the doors. She bowed to me and I bowed back. I taught her to call me unnie so she calls me that. I tapped her shoulder, giving a sign that everything will be okay. I entered the room after a deep breath. And there she was.
There, I saw her, on the her own very bed with tubes sticking to her wrist. I started crying again in no time.
"L-Lisa..." she spoke up.
"Why mom...? Why didn't you tell me???" I cried more tears.
The thing is this is what she will feel when she finds out about my cancer.
"You didn't tell me you kept having low blood pressures, heart attacks..." I went to sit on her bed and I hugged her tight.
I'm sorry, I haven't told you I have cancer... you will know and find about out some time...
I know my mom didn't want me to find out and these people has been helping her hide all about these from me. There's no one I can blame though... I am hiding things, myself and yes I know, it is messed up. But sitting here, on her bed, her resting with tubes on her wrist and her eyes closed. I just can't bring myself to tell her yet.
After some hours of lying down with my mom, I have finally stopped myself from crying. I checked my phone to see if there were messages and calls.
~notification~
I looked at my phone and there were 16 missed calls from Irene unnie, 7 from Jisoo unnie, 5 from Jennie unnie, 8 from Rosé, and 58 unread messages from them and other people.
Right as I was about to check the messages, Irene unnie called me.
I answered the phone and before I can speak, she panicked.
"Lisa! What happened?"
"Unnie, how was the surprise?" My voice was cracking due to sobs and I guess she noticed it.
"Are you okay? I think you cried too much, want to vent it out?"
"Unnie, the party..."
"Oh it was a success. So tell me, what happened? Everyone has been finding for you."
"Unnie, just tell them that I had an emergency at home and they really don't have to worry." Thank goodness that the situation wasn't really bad. She just has low blood pressure.
"Okay, got it. But since I witnessed how you answered the phone call, your jaw even dropped, you started crying, and your phone probably has a cracked screen right now because of the shock. Don't you think I deserve to know what happened?" Well true, there is a small crack on my phone.
"Are you alone?" I am a person who hides emotions and feelings deep inside. Sometimes, or maybe always, I just don't want to share my worries. Like Jisoo unnie, I just want the people around me to be always positive so I really don't vent.
"Yes. Now tell me."
"Unnie... my mother has been having heart attacks and she didn't even plan to tell me. She is resting right now, and the doctor said she has to stay in the hospital for at least a week. Unnie, I am really worried. The doctor said that if she is refusing and the doctor says if she leaves now, the situation might worsen..." I had no more tears to cry out so I was just basically ranting and venting about my worries.
"Lisa... it will be okay, just like what you always do right? Keep being positive! She will be fine is what you should be thinking about right now! I will tell YG about this so you don't have to stress out so much, okay?" She trued cheering me up and honestly it worked. I felt the weight on my shoulders lessen and I felt relief.
"Unnie, thank you so much..."
"Huh? For what?"
"Everything, unnie. Thank you for taking care of the things there too. The surprise that I planned but I am not there... I am really sorry unnie, I left you in charge..."
"It's okay, Lisa-yah. Don't mind it. I hope everything goes well there. "
Comforting silence took over for a few minutes when suddenly she asked a question that I was not sure about the answer.
"When are you coming back, anyways?"
"About a week or so?" I am really not sure. I just know that I can finally go once my mom heals completely and hopefully no more attacks.
I felt the weight on my shoulders increased as I thought of the rest time I have left. If I leave after a week or so, it would be 11 months and less than a week left for me to enjoy life.
"Okay, Lisa, we'll be waiting for you. Well, I have to go! People are waiting! Call you later, okay?"
"Okay, unnie! Please tell them not to worry! Thank you again unnie!"
The phone call ended.
