Mockingjay's Daughter (Hunger Games Fanfiction)

Chapter 37: Death is Easier Than This

I wake up from another nightmare, shooting up from my sleeping position, cold sweat dripping down my forehead from shock. Turning to face Peeta, I see that he is fast asleep. Normally he is beside me whispering comforting words and telling me it's all going to be ok even though it isn't.

I am secretly pleased he's not hugging me and trying to console me. I haven't woke him up this time. But it seems somewhat easier dealing with everything on my own and not having a shoulder to cry on. This is probably because I don't have to hear anyone's names which are gone.

I slowly make my way out of bed and take small, dragged steps to the bathroom connected to mine and Peeta's bedroom. The bright bathroom light hits me like a laser beam, shooting my eyes as I turn the tap to soak my luke warm face in cold water. Its refreshing to my skin and widens my eyes, waking me up a little. As I leave the bathroom, I look over to the bedroom clock ticking away and see the time; 4:01. This seems to be my regular sleeping pattern now- to toss and turn until early hours in the morning and to wake up only a couple of hours later from a horrible nightmare, feeling even worse than before.

I walk out of the room and make sure I don't wake up Peeta, he's been loosing too much sleep from me. Instead, I make my way to somewhere I have been dreading to go to...

Willows room.

I haven't been here since I cleaned it but I just need to be in it, pretend she's here with me. Its stupid, I know but I can't help it.

As I open the door, her familiar warm smell overpowers me. I start looking around, touching her belongings before I explode in even more tears.

***

"Katniss?" Shouts a familiar voice...Peeta.

"What is it?" I snap back at him, realising I had fell asleep on the floor where I broke down crying.

"Where are you?" I don't answer. Not long later, her enters her room and runs over to me. "Kat!" He lets out, pulling me up into a hopeful hug. "Why are you in her room?" Her is easier to say than her actual name.

"She's with me. It feels like she's with me. They haven't got her."

"But..." Peeta struggles to let out. "They have."

"No!" I clamp my mouth with his hands furious to hear them words. "Please don't say it!" I cry.

"But...how else can I say it Kat?"

"By not saying it at all Peeta. I..."

"What?" He jumps.

"Just need to get out of this room now..." I say looking around of her framed and hanging photos of her and her best friend and me and Peeta. "Now I feel as if I can't cope seeing her."

"I get what you mean." He picks me up quickly leaving her room then he places me onto my feet.

"I'll just be-" I say heading off to our bedroom before Peeta grabs hold of my wrist.

"Um, Haymitch is here Katniss by the way so I wouldn't go back to bed if I where you."

"Ugh." I moan. "As much I like him, I really don't think I can deal with having to talk to him...being in the same room as him even."

"C'mon." he says tugging at me. "He really wants to see you."

"But I don't want to see him!" I sulk like a child, pouting at him. "I want to be left alone.

He raises an eyebrow at me from what I just said. "Just come Katniss, if you really don't want to see him. Don't. Go to bed." I know I'm being childish, so I eventually give in.