Growth - Satori Tendou x Reader

(15): self destructive

Tendou paces back and forth in his bed room. Your sleepy face illuminates the room from his laptop. You had fallen asleep on call with him, you were supposed to help him study but it was obvious you were exhausted. So naturally, Tendou made a few jokes to get the two of you off task and not long after you had curled up in bed. The camera facing your smushed up relaxed face.
His eyes trailed your features for what felt like two seconds. In reality it was ten minutes.
Tendou got so freaked out by how deeply he felt for you in those moments that he immediately jumped up, now pacing his room. Walking back and forth. Back and forth.

'You're sitting here like an idiot fawning over a girl who is so loyal to you..! Yet...you feel guilt?! What is wrong with me?' Tendou's thoughts fall down a rabbit hole, 'Maybe I'm not deserving of the affection she gives me. Definitely I'm not. I can't be. I've turned quite a few girls away and never given it a second thought...' He glances back at your sleeping face. Saying out loud, "But why not you...?"

Hours later Tendou sits at his desk. Staring out at the birds that chirp in the morning sun. Eyes drained of any emotion. His mind had been dancing down memory lane. Thoughts glued to his ex's words, broken promises and false emotions. Not only is he thinking about their fights and promises but also their childhood. How they'd stay up late just to watch the fireflies. Their mothers would sit in the kitchen drinking wine. Peering out the window here and there to check on the two kids.
Tendou is so lost in thought he doesn't even notice when you knock on his bed room door. He hadn't noticed the missed calls on his phone.
Before you hung up the call to get ready for the weekend ahead you made him promise to get ready. So excited for the double date awaiting the two of you.
Your gut is telling you something seems seriously wrong as you shift back and forth on your feet outside Tendou's bedroom door. Glancing down the stairs to the office where his mom sits. Typing away at her computer. Asking to check on Tendou wasn't the way you intended to meet his mother but she seems to recognize your name so she let you in with a warm smile.
His home seemed so warm. So welcoming. Much like he often is.
You knock softly again. Hoping he's just in the shower or distracted getting dressed. Too busy and excited to open the door. Trying to push away your gut feeling. But when he doesn't open the door you let out a sigh. Facing reality and push open the door. The stale air hits you like a truck. It's obvious he hasn't opened a window to air out his room in the last twenty four hours. Hermitting away from the rest of the world.
His laptop still sits on his bed where it was when you were on call with him.
You take a second to take in his room. You've never been in a boys room before. Especially not of one you liked. It seemed pretty basic for a volleyball player. He had his medals up, volleyballs in one corner. A jersey hanging up also. His book shelf is covered with manga books and dvds.
Your eyes finally fall on Tendou's back. It's facing you. He's shirtless and hunched over. Staring out the window with an emotionless gaze. It makes your heart clench.
"Tendou?" You call softly. Keeping your voice mellow so you don't startle him.
Despite your efforts you still startle him. Tendou glances back at you. Eyes so wide it's like you caught him doing something he shouldn't be doing. This worries you. Your eyebrows knitting closer together as you watch Tendou scramble to find a shirt. Looking around frantically. It's not he doesn't want you to see him like this, under normal circumstances he'd be more than happy, but right now he feels odd. He already feels emotionally vulnerable by the way you're looking at him. You read him so well.
"W-what are you doing here?" Tendou mutters out as he gets up to find a shirt. Not finding one within arms reach. You tilt your head to the side, not even bothering to answer his question as you pull him closer. Stopping him from his t-shirt hunt with a gentle touch.
He completely pauses.
Feeling the way your soft hand glides up his chest. Bringing his mind back to reality as you cup his cheek gently with your left hand as your right loops around his waist. Calming his nerves for the time being.
You feel his body relax against your touch.
"Fuck...our date...I'll get ready now, don't worry baby!" Tendou rambles out. His eyes snap from yours to his dresser where his clothes lay but you don't let him move. You arm tightening around his waist. Head resting on his chest in a way of comforting him.
"You're not okay. Forget the date."
"That's not true, this is important to you we can't forget it!" Tendou tries to be energetic, tries to be his normal self for you, but it just doesn't work. You have seen him in his natural habitat now. So eaten away from his own insecurities that he's left a skeleton of a man. You'd looked into his eyes while he felt his lowest. Feeling the lack of self radiating off Tendou.
Your heart sinks more and more as Tendou tries to chuckle, explaining that he can't just not go meet your best friend, but you don't care. Your head shakes against his chest as you wrap both arms around his waist. Holding him so tightly that Tendou can't help but melt. Just like at his volleyball game Tendou breaks. Accepting the fact that you won't just let him ignore his feelings. His arms squeeze tighter around your frame. Holding onto your for dear life as his body begins to shake. Hiding his face in your shoulder.
His salty tears hit your skin.
You sink deeper into the hug. Wanting to comfort him deeper.
"Please...tell me what's going on."
Tendou can't help but pout at how gentle you are. Your words are so soft. So caring. Your tone never wavers. You say your words confidently yet calmly.
"..I can't. I don't want you t-to think of me differently."
You run your hand up his back. Finding his long hair and play with the ends as you speak, "I could never see you differently." Your fingers move against his hair. Staring to message his head lovingly to show him you're listening without judgement. Not needing words to comfort him now.
"I just...I keep thinking about how you're too g-good for me," Tendou hiccups out the words. His sobbing continuing as he speaks, "I've cried in front of you twice now. And it's not even just crying, I've...completely broken down. I'm not the man I used to be. The man I should be for you." His grip tightens around you, "What if...one day..y-you wake up and you don't want a broken man anymore?"
His words hit you like a truck. Tears brimming in the corners of your eyes as you pull away to cup his face in your hands. Wiping away his tears. The two of you stare into each other eyes. His broken quivering brown eyes stare into your teary eyes. Yet he's confused. You're smiling. It's so soft. Almost selfless.
"Tendou, you self destructive idiot!" You cry softly, "I've never seen you as broken. You're so strong. It takes a real man to show so much emotion. Boys hide. But you're a man, such a strong man."
Tears steam down both of your faces at your words. Tendou doesn't hesitate to pull you closer. Pressing his lips gently to yours. Salty tears mixing as you receive the most loving kiss you've ever felt. Tendou's emotions overwhelm him as he kisses you. The love he was so worried about was right in front of him. You love him so selflessly. So openly. So radiantly.
"(Y/N)..." Tendou pulls away just enough to speak. Pressing a soft kiss to your lips again, "I know the circumstances suck but...please be mine." It's not a question. Tendou and you both know it doesn't need to be. You already are.
"Of course." You say softly before hugging him so tightly he feels like he might explode from happiness.
"You always know exactly what to say..."