Chapter 10 - The choice of violence

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I expected howls of pain, tears, violence.

But Karen remained impassive. We were all taken with horror and sorrow, but she didn't say a thing, didn't move, didn't react. As if all life had left her body. 

Tilly took her hand and gently made her sit aside. Arthur glanced at me, looking sorry. This new loss added a wrinkle to his face already marked by too many adventures.

"It was a trap. The Grays were waiting for us. They used us and then tried to eliminate us. I have to go see Dutch."

I nodded and looked back at Karen. Sitting near the water, she had buried her face against her legs. Tilly and Mary-Beth comforted her the best they could, but there was nothing to do. Sean was dead and nothing would ever console her.

A heavy silence fell on the camp, thick as an autumn mist. Our companion wasn't the best man, but he was appreciated by all. With this event, I was tasting the bitterness of the outlaws' life. You can romanticize it, add the colors of the adventure and frame it with a beautiful philosophy. But this life... This life is just a clock that stops ticking with a premature death.

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"Where's my son? Where's my goddamn son?"

Abigail's screams were the first sounds to tear the air after the announcement of Sean's death. Soon, people started to gather around our leader, trying to find answers. I was taking care of the horse and couldn't hear much. But I quickly understood that the Braithwaite had kidnapped Jack. 

Without any hesitation, I prepared my mare. Getting into the saddle as the men approached, I heard Arthur's voice.

"What do you think you're doing girl? It ain't a game.

- Good" I said as I was charging my rifle "I ain't here to play"

He was going to reply when Dutch told him to let me come. We set off for the Braithwaite estate. Lenny called out to me.

"You ain't ready for a simple mission but you come for that?

- I told you, I'm not sure I'm ready for the attack. But this is defense. These sons of bitches attacked our family, a child. And I defend my family, whoever it is.

- Well said. Loyalty is what matters, gentlemen." Said Dutch.

John was terribly upset. He finally seemed to react like a father, furious and desperate. In the end, he cared about this child. As we approached, Charles stood by my side.

"Stay close to me all along, okay? No matter what happens"

I nodded as we arrived on an avenue framed by centuries-old oak trees. What a breathtaking vision. To think that these estates were built on so much blood and tears. 

A shiver ran through me. I was starting to realize what was going to happen. But I focused on my anger to avoid panicking. My companions needed me to be strong. Jack needed me to be strong.

Arthur had said it. The choice of violence. It was up to me to assume it.

"Get down here now, you inbred trash!"

While Dutch spoke to the guards, Charles discreetly pointed out to me some crates to hide behind. I replied with a nod. The doors opened, letting out a dozen men on both floors. I swallowed hard, my rapid breathing betraying my terror.

"If you aint gonna be civilized about this..."

These words marked the start of the confrontation. I rushed behind the shelter and aimed for the balcony. The shots were coming from everywhere, I had never known anything like it. Compared to that, my adventures in Valentine were just a fishing trip.

As Arthur and John entered the house looking for Jack, we got closer to the building, taking cover behind the low walls marking the courtyard. I met the eyes of Charles, who was checking that I had not lost my mind after this bloodshed. I gave him a sign before setting out again to watch the surroundings.

Reinforcements arrived. Where did all these men come from? We repelled assaults from all sides, from the main aisle but also from the crops. I inadvertently fired a lantern, which spread its fire at top speed on two men. What a horrible death it must be. Seconds, minutes of excruciating pain before succumbing. 

As our last enemies finally fled across the fields, Dutch dragged the matriarch out of her house, pulling her by the hair. While they were trying to get her to talk, I looked around, expecting reinforcements to appear. But soon I focused on the old woman, unmoved by her distress. Totally cold. Truth be said, I did not know myself such coldness. 

"Ain't no rules in war Mister Matthews"

For some reason I still cannot explain to this day, this sentence made me spin. I started to raise the hammer from my gun, but Charles firmly put his hand on mine and said "no" under his breath. It was not a decision that was mine to take.

I froze, realizing what I was about to do. The choice of violence.

I took a breath and looked up at the sky. Through the smoke, I could see the stars. A breeze caressed my face, bringing with it the scent of fire and blood. The domain collapsed on itself. Soon there would be no more stones, no more men, left to support it.

---

Unconsciously, I joined my horse and got into the saddle. We were leaving without Jack, captive of a man in Saint Denis. The backlash was strong on me, and I heard nothing from the conversations on the way home. Arthur moved closer to me, forcing me out of my torpor.

"You ok?

- I don't want to go back and tell Abigail we don't have her son.

- We'll find him, don't you worry."

I remained silent. Livid. All the images of the day were jostling in my head. Sean's death, the bodies, the fire. I was sure the image of this crazy old woman running towards her burning house would haunt me forever. 

And I was right. From the top of my 86 years, I still dream of her hysterical cries. And those of the mother whose child had not been returned.

---

The peace didn't come with dawn. We all had marked faces and tiredness was crushing our bodies. As the men, I cowardly avoided meeting Abigail's gaze. We had failed and I felt ashamed. Ashamed of being there, performing my tasks as if nothing had happened, rather than riding for Saint Denis.

As the brains of the group discussed how to save Jack, men arrived in the camp, escorted by Lenny. The Pinkerton.

Hidden by the kitchen cart, I motioned for the girls to shut up. They didn't need to know we were there. I listened to their little speech, making a mocking sound at the evocation of the so-called civilized lands of America. What a joke.

Soon threatened by our companions, the agents left, promising to return with 50 men.

Dutch ordered John and Arthur to find us a new place to settle. Meanwhile, we were going to prepare for this new move. Abigail rushed to our leader, questioning Jack's fate.

"We'll save your kid Abigail. But we need to be alive to do so, alright?"

She nodded silently, tears running down her cheeks. Miss Grimshaw put us to work, there was not a second to lose. 

As the caravan left, I took one last look at the lake and its golden mist. I had no idea I was saying goodbye to the happiest times of my life among the outlaws.


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I feel I should go deeper in my scenes description, but I don't know, I'm a bit lazy and have no inspiration. Hope you enjoyed it. Some good stuff should happen in Shady Belle, so stay tuned !

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