Chapter 34 - Summertime

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"New York, July 11th, 1900.

I saw the sea Charles!! And I set foot in it. And I even tasted it, you know it's true, it's really salty. Imagine Pearson's stew but with even more salt, it's disgusting! In the distance, you can't see anything. The water extends to reach the sky. It's hard to believe there is a whole world on the other side. You had to be crazy to dare to take a boat and go on an adventure like that. I'm aware that there is Europe on the other side, but still, I think I shall never dare to sail for weeks without land in sight. But staying on the coast, the spectacle is already fantastic. I hope you can see it someday. But perhaps you have already seen it.

I realize that what I write must be incomprehensible. Let me start from the beginning. I'm in New York. You know, my dear Alice lives there. It's been 5 years since I've seen her, since her wedding. And I stopped writing to her when I joined you all. I missed her terribly, but I didn't know how she reacted to my change of life, to my participation in the Valentine's shooting. Who knows what Angeline told her.

When I learned that I had passed my year, I decided to write to her, to keep her informed of my new life and to try to get back in touch. She replied by sending me a train ticket to New York, where I will spend the summer with her family.

I've been there for a few days now, and it's the first time I've found time to sit down and write to you. I have so much to tell you, I think you'll still hear about this vacation when the first snow falls in Chicago.

They are waiting for me, so I have to stop my letter here. I hope you are well.

Fondly,

Anna"

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Arriving at New York station a few days earlier, I had the same shock as when I arrived in Chicago in September. The tumult of the passengers, the noise of the trains, the unknown. My sister had sent me a ticket, sure. But I had changed in five years. She too certainly. We who were so close, we had followed totally different paths. She was a wife, a mother now. And me, well, I had also rolled my bump.

But as soon as I saw her, all my worries dissipated. Pushing a basket, pulling two children behind her, Alice rushed towards me with a big smile. She hugged me, not letting go of me for long minutes. We were crying together. She had changed little, apart from the few curves left by her three pregnancies.

I finally met my nephews. Gabriella, the eldest, named after our mother, and Francesco, the second. And finally, a baby, born in spring. I hadn't even known about this pregnancy. I've missed so much of her life since I left Valentine. She smiled, showing her to me.

"I hope she will be as adventurous as her aunt, or at least her name will bring her luck."

I looked at her, stunned. She called her Anna. Despite everything I had done. Abandoning the ranch, shooting our neighbors, running away with the gang. She forgave me for everything. She loved me so much. We hugged again, before Gabriella pulled on her mother's dress, asking her to go home. Wiping away her tears, Alice nodded and happily led me into her city.

She had married a distant cousin on the side of our mother, whom she had met on a family trip in which I had not participated, our father needing me at the ranch. It was love at first sight, and until their wedding, she talked about him all day long. They now lived in the Italian neighborhood of New York, where they ran the family grocery store. She didn't have to work, but she liked to participate, to feel useful. A trait we shared.

At nightfall, when husband and children slept soundly, she joined me in my bed, and we talked in the dark as when we were young. There, I told her about my adventures of the past months. I was vague most of the time. Although she was open-minded, I didn't want to shock her. I just talked about the spirit of rebellion, freedom, and the landscapes. I was silent about the violence, the betrayal and the pain that had accompanied them. I also decided to keep Charles' name quiet. I knew she would break through to me, and I didn't want to stir up those old feelings.

For her part, she told me about my sisters. Unsurprisingly, Angeline hadn't lost an opportunity to disparage me with everyone. She had rallied to her camp Charlotte, the pastor's wife, horrified by my actions and swearing that my place was now in hell. My innocent Rose refused to believe in such a dark picture and kept saying that there must be a mistake. As for Helen, it's with a maternal look she judged the case. She knew that I was wilder than the others and that I would never have been able to submit to Angeline's husband. She did not accept what I had done, but her concern for me was stronger than her horror. The most important to me was Alice. And there she was, lying beside me rather than near her husband, drinking my words. I slept on both ears, knowing I was safe near mine. Loved.

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"New York, August 7th, 1900;

Dear Charles

Weeks went by at breakneck speed here. I feel like I arrived yesterday. We spend our days walking the streets, going to see this or that iconic place. You may not want to believe me, but I sincerely think I know New York better than Chicago now.

We went to see the Statue of Liberty. I wonder how they could have built something so big and made it cross the sea. In the distance we could see the boats coming to Ellis Island. This is where all European immigrants disembark, like our grandfather did more than half a century ago.

They arrive with nothing on their backs, thinking they found the promised land. The poor souls. I know you do not have the same opinion, I do not forget the words you said during our first hunt. And I know you are right. But I can't help to feel sad for them. I wonder what Dutch would have said in front of this show. Anyway, it doesn't matter.

When we are not visiting the city, I help at the grocery store or with the kids. You know me, I can't stand idly by. I find New York happier than Chicago. But maybe it's only the excitement of Little Italy and the happy mess of this family that gives me that impression.

Here I am very happy, surrounded by mine. I hope you're okay. I don't know when you will read these words, but I will be leaving New York soon, so write me in Chicago and I will read you when I get back.

Fondly,

Anna"

At the end of my stay, we went to Central Park. Settled on the grass, we had a delicious picnic. My brother-in-law had loaded a whole bunch of first choice products sold in his grocery store. Italian dishes that would fill my suitcases the day of my departure. My sister started talking about the future cheerfully.

"Gabriella will go to school in the fall. You see my daughter, if you work well, one day you can do like your aunt Anna and study to become a doctor."

The little girl did not care much about her mother's plans, preferring to go back to play with her doll. I smiled. A little further, musicians played under a kiosk, brightening up this walk a little more. There was a street vendor there, and I bought him a postcard representing the port of New York under the moonlight. I pretended to buy it for myself, but Alice was not fooled. She had seen all the letters I posted since I was under her roof. I capitulated.

"It's for Charles. The only friend I have left from these few months of adventure.

- You... Are you close?

- He's at the other end of the country doing God knows what. But it's thanks to him that I study. He was the one who got me into college. I owe him everything.

- Well, if he did that, he must not be that bad."

I smiled sadly at these words. I suddenly realized how much I missed him. In Chicago, it was easy not to think about him, as I immersed myself in my work. But here I had plenty of time to think. Before the sadness took over, I turned my attention to little Anna who slept peacefully in my arms. I smiled. The future. This is what I had to focus on.

The gang, Charles, it was all a thing of the past.

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