Outlaws - An American Youth - [Charles Smith x OC]

Chapter 57 - Intimacy

At the time, honeymoons had become commonplace. Most of the time, the young spouses visited different members of their new family. For obvious reasons, we couldn't do the same. We then decided to take a few days for ourselves in nature.

As in the past, we rode through forests and meadows, hunting for food and camping in places far from civilization. This return to the wild was doing us a lot of good. In the evening around the fire, he played the harmonica while I sang to accompany him.

On a particularly hot day for the season, we decided to stop near a deep river. Charles settled down under the shade of a tree as I wanted to bathe. Turning my back to him, I began to undress. I wasn't really embarrassed, although there was still some modesty between us. We knew we had the right to be intimate, but we weren't used to it yet.

I felt his gaze on me as I slowly stepped into the cold water. He wasn't lewd, or even eager. He was content to observe what would be his daily life forever. He couldn't believe it and wanted to feast on what still felt like a dream.

Now fully immersed, I took a swim before returning to smile at him. Without a word, he began to undress himself to join me in the water. Arrived near me, he pulled me in his arms. We stayed against each other, enjoying this moment of peace in the shelter of mountains and trees.

By his side, I felt invincible.

---

We returned home to begin our married life, as millions of others had done before us. But most of them did not have a big lock on their door, nor weapons always at hand. We were sure we were safe, but we didn't leave anything to chance to protect ourselves.

Sometimes I would wake up in the night and, fumbling around the sheets, found out Charles was no longer near me. I would straighten up, seeing him at the window or on the balcony, scanning the surroundings. Some habits die hard. All these years he had been on his guard, afraid of being caught while sleeping, as he had been on that terrible day when his mother was taken away by soldiers. I would get up to embrace him tenderly. Sometimes that was enough to convince him to go back to bed, but often he would just kiss me softly before telling me to sleep.

One morning we shared a breakfast, I asked him.

"Do you think I should stop being a doctor?

- What? No, why would you say that?

- A white woman, doctor, married to a black man, it's the kind of thing people repeat, even if they don't think badly. What if the Pinkerton found our trail because of this?

- Anna, I love you and you will remain a doctor. No matter what they think, this is our life. And if we have to, we'll go and start over somewhere else. We sacrificed too much for you to give up. And we are in Canada, we are far from all that now. The only reason for you to quit is if you feel like doing it."

With a smile, I stood up, taking his cheeks between my hands to kiss him. He pulled me onto his laps to share a tender hug. If he wasn't afraid, neither was I. In town, we had our allies. Liz and Joseph of course. The mayor too, who was delighted to have attracted two hard workers to his still modest town, but for which he had big plans. The sheriff liked me, we often talked at the cafe.

I also befriended Nelly, the midwife. A true force of nature, she was rough at first glance, but actually hid a real concern for those around her and was unwavering loyal. We had come closer after a difficult childbirth, where we managed against all odds to save mother and child. Such an ordeal welds, just like the glasses shared on the porch of her house to celebrate this victory.

---

When Charles and I were in town, we were careful not to get too close. The villagers got used to the idea that we were married, but there were often passing travelers. It would have been foolish to expose ourselves to preventable violence. Of course, we would have preferred to show ourselves in broad daylight, to teach the intolerant a lesson. But after all the trials we had with the gang, we had learned that some battles were not worth fighting. Our tranquility was more important than our convictions. We had enough of our domain to be intimate. It was our hiding, our bubble out of time. We thought nothing could happen to us there.

When I had time, I would help Charles at the ranch. We now had a few cows, chickens and of course the dog I asked for. One day, the ground was soaked after the heavy rains that had fallen the day before. My husband had taken it into his head to plow the land, despite my advice. It was too muddy, he would never make it.

I watched him, hands on hips, stubbornly failing. Suddenly he slipped and sprawled out full length. I couldn't help but laugh when I saw him covered in mud. He got up without the slightest trace of annoyance. Instead he gave me a defiant look. Understanding his intentions, I began to run to escape him. But he was way too fast for me and he ended up catching me laughing, while I screamed loudly at his touch. Both covered in mud, we couldn't help laughing at our childishness.

"I think you were right about the ground." He said between gasps.

Resuming our seriousness, we went up to our room to put on clean, dry clothes. We still had a lot of work to do before the first frosts. But Charles didn't seem at all interested in this kind of duty. He moved closer to me, his arm going around my waist firmly. My loosened hair cascaded over his shoulder, blending into his. Our mouths met greedily, parting only to better find each other.

Because this is how we tamed each other. Married life was not easy for us, and we still had to adjust to each other's presence. Sometimes we found ourselves dumb in front of each other, not knowing how to act or communicate. It was at night, in the silence of our embraces, that we build this intimacy.

You think you know everything about men in the privacy of a bedroom, but one day, a new lover brings you up to life. What a long way for the girl raised as a boy. I believe today that it was Charles who made me a woman. I, who had known other men before him, had never revealed so much sensuality as in the arms of this caring but fiery lover.

From our first night at this Annesburg hotel, it opened my eyes to who I really was. A woman, as desirable as any other, despite my ways of rancher and my lack of self-confidence. Since that day, he has never ceased to remind me of it, to my greatest happiness.

----

After the frozen mud of autumn and the golden brown leaving gradually leaving the trees, snow began to appear, covering everything in its path. I appreciated the silence it brought, as well as the way it made the landscapes beautiful. Sometimes the weather was harsh, and Charles reluctantly let me go to see my patients at their homes. But it was my duty, and our dog often accompanied me to protect me. Fortunately, I never needed his help.

Once, the storm was too raging for me to go back to the ranch. I remained blocked for several hours with my patient, sharing his daily life and his meal. When I finally got home, Charles rushed out of the house, barely giving me time to get off my horse before hugging me. He had been genuinely worried no to see me coming back. 

I got used to this life and had no plans to go back to Blackwater. The landscapes, the people, I liked everything here. And if the winter was harsh, it was only to better welcome a spring of dazzling colors, as if nature wanted to be forgiven for the starkness of the past months. After weeks of sunshine, summer would bring delicious fruits, reminding us of the sweetness that life could provide.

---

One evening I joined Charles on the porch. Despite the cold, he had gone out to light himself a cigarette. He enjoyed those simple moments of bliss. Our dog was lying at his feet, scanning the snow, hoping to see a rabbit to chase. I gave him a caress before turning to my husband.

"You're smoking too much Mr. Smith."

He gave me a surprised look. I had never said anything about cigarettes, I was even still smoking from time to time. I explained, a mischievous smile on my lips.

"I'm not sure it's very good for the baby."

He opened his eyes wide and began to stutter.

"Wh... You... Are you sure?

- Nelly confirmed it."

He remained stunned for a moment before lifting me in his arms with a joyous laugh. I laughed along, happy to bring him so much joy. I didn't know if I was ready to be a mother, but with Charles by my side, I wasn't afraid of anything.

----

Big anachronism about this end of the chapter, I read a book on motherhood from 1916 and absolutely nothing is said about smoking. + In the decades that followed, thanks to the help of advertisers, smoking was even recommended to pregnant women for relaxation, because what better for a baby than a relaxed mother. Anyway, I still decided to keep it because I could totally see the scene.