Outlaws - An American Youth - [Charles Smith x OC]

Chapter 46 - A sweet night, Part 2

If you want a song for this chapter is definitely I can't go without you by Kaleo (yes, them again), the intensity and the lyrics of the song perfectly fit to what's going on.

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As the night wore on, Abigail and John told me to stay and sleep at the ranch rather than ride back to Blackwater. I accepted this request without difficulty, I was so happy to see them again. I walked over to my mare to unsaddle her and release her into the coral with the other horses. I whispered a few calming words to her, giving her a piece of apple.

When I returned to the fire, there was only Charles left. The others had gone to bed, exhausted by the emotions of the day. After long moments, I finally took my courage in both hands, evoking the subject that had been burning my lips for weeks.

"Is it... Is it true that you were street fighting in St Denis to pay for my studies?"

He sighed.

"I told them not to tell you. It's not that important.

- Of course it is. How could you do that?

- It was worth it, you're a doctor. So don't ruin everything now.

- If I had known, I would never have let you.

- That's why I didn't tell you.

- I'll pay you back to the last penny.

- No. If the way I made this money was questionable, the way I spent it was honest and I'm not ashamed of it." His voice darkened, leaving no room for protest. There was a silence before I spoke again.

"I'm still sorry that you had to sacrifice yourself for me.

- Let's not talk about it, you're a doctor now. And I am... A rancher it seems. Let's forget about it."

We felt back into silence. He played with the fire with a stick as I stared at the stars. I turned my face to him.

"It's the first time in a long time that we're side by side like this.

- It's true."

The alcohol had given me courage, and without thinking, I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I missed you."

The only answer I got was his traditional "hmhm". He was eight years older but still was no better at expressing his feelings. I finally sat up, rubbing my face.

"You're tired?

- Yes, the pace is crazy in the office. We could be two and still be overwhelmed. The region is rather populated in the end. Not to mention all the passengers from the boats. But the mayor said he was going to find me a secretary, that will be already an improvement. In the meantime, I am exhausted.

- You should go to sleep with the others. It won't be as comfortable as your bed in the city, but it will remind you of your younger years.

- I think I would rather sleep under the stars, near the fire. I've never had the chance in Chicago, it's not really high society habit."

He chuckled at the remark. I turned my head to him, my gaze dipping into his. For a moment something happened, like an electric shock between us. But he stood up and I huffed, looking away. So many years had passed. I wasn't the same anymore, why would he be?

He hadn't changed in one thing though, he was still so helpful. He made sure to put me in a cozy corner by the fire so that I had a good night's sleep. After I finished my cigarette, I got up to settle in. I asked him for help to loosen my dress, pretending not to want to bother Abigail. I hadn't planned on sleeping there and wanted to be as comfortable as possible. Of course, I could very well do it on my own. But why wiggle around when someone can help us. Especially when that someone is a former lover.

For a moment I thought his hands lingered on my hips, nonchalantly. But it was so quick that I wondered if it wasn't an illusion of my alcohol-clouded mind.

I finally lay down as he sat back in his place. From my cot, I watched him through the play of the flames. Finishing his cigarette too, he laid down on the other side of the fire. I waited a bit, trying to reason with myself. But I couldn't stand it any longer and stood up, bringing my sleeping bag next to him. He straightened up, questioning me with a look.

"I'm cold, I'm no longer used to sleeping outside like this."

He said nothing and laid back down turning his back to me to face the fire. My maneuver had not had the desired effect. At least I had avoided the ridiculousness of rejection. Turned towards him, I could guess his muscular back in the half-light. Images of our past embraces came back to me. I shivered, trying to contain my quickening breathing. I regained my composure when he turned to me, his eyes shining in the night.

"We should swap places, you'll be better near the fire, you're shivering."

That he could be annoying sometimes. In those moments, I never really knew if he was faking it or if he was truly naive. Did he have no memories, no nostalgia for what we had been through? Or was it because it was the past and he didn't want to bring it back, the same way John refused to talk about Arthur?

"Anna?"

I was lost in my thoughts. I nodded silently and we switched positions. Facing the fire, I felt his breathing on my back. A few discreet tears rolled down my cheeks. I must have flinched because he noticed it. Without moving, he questioned me.

"What's the matter?

- I ... I'm nostalgic, I think. I miss that time. The gang, although it was short, it was really like family to me. But I'm okay, I'm just silly, it's probably the alcohol and seeing you all again. It will pass."

Despite my words, my sobs grew stronger. He moved a bit closer and hugged me while I continued to cry in silence. I couldn't calm down. After long minutes, his arm made light pressure on me so that I turned to him. I was now on my back, Charles straight up above me. With his fingertips, he gently wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"I miss that too. No matter how it ended, for a few months I was part of a group to which I belonged unconditionally. We've been through such crazy things, you and me. But I don't think it's a good idea to revive them. I think... I think we have to be reasonable.

- I've been reasonable for eight years Charles. I obeyed all the rules, all the laws. I think... I think tonight I have the right not to be wise."

Without giving him time to argue, I went to press my lips to his. Tensed at first, he relaxed, setting aside his scruples to surrender to our embrace. Usually a hunter, that night he was trapped like prey, falling into my nets without resisting. He knew it though. I liked the hunt.

Soon he was towering over me, his gaze looking intently into mine. His hair was long now, brushing against my uncovered collarbone. Without further waiting he caressed my skin shamelessly offered to his expert hands.

These pulled up my skirt, as they had done in Canada eight years ago. But this time, he didn't treat me like I was just any girl there to relieve him. I was Anna. The one he had saved. The one who had never stopped thinking of him, writing to him. Who had held on despite all his attempts to push her away. So his hands were soft and patient, exploring me inch by inch.

A few tears beaded from the corners of my eyes as our bodies relived feelings never forgotten. With the tip of his lips he made them disappear. There, sheltered from the world and its laws, we found our old embraces. As if nothing had happened. Forgetting time and morality, I abandoned myself to his caresses.

As he pushed me ever closer to the precipice, I whispered to him that there had been no one else since him. This idea seemed to please him. He wasn't the possessive kind, but knowing that no other man had taken my body since our separation gave him satisfaction. Smiling, he undertook to finish me. I would have given all the gold in the world so that it never stops. But we are only humans and everything must end.

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Resting in his arms, I slowly ran my fingers over the new scars on his body, received because of me. Seeing my sad look, Charles gently lifted my chin so that our eyes met.

"It's nothing Anna. Just the past."

He kissed my forehead as I rested my head against his shoulder, my eyes closing in spite of myself. I wanted to stay awake all night to feel his reassuring arms around me. But sleep carried me away.