Spaces In Between [BoyxBoy/BL] #wattys2020

Chapter 11

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"Let's say... I'm a bisexual," tuloy ko. "Mag iiba ba ang tingin mo sa 'kin? Pandidirian mo ba ako?"

He looked at me with disbelief. Like he's not expecting me to ask him those questions. I can't blame him, though. Even I, myself, didn't think that I will consider asking those questions. Hindi kailanman ako nabahala sa bagay na iyon dahil sigurado akong lalaki ako. But now, while watching the movie, I can't help but to think about the possibilities. Lalo na ngayong nalaman kong pwede palang mag iba ang kasarian ng isang tao. Kahit na sigurado kang lalaki ka, pwedeng may mangyaring hindi mo inaasahan- na magpapalito sayo kung ano ka ba talaga.

Grant knows that I am straight and all, maybe the reason why he can't believe that I'm asking those things right now.

Tumawa ako para pagaanin ang atmosphere. "Stop looking at me like I'm out of my mind. Hindi naman porke tinanong ko iyon, talagang bisexual na ako. Those are 'what ifs', bro. Gusto ko lang malaman ang magiging reaction mo. Naisip ko lang iyon dahil na rin sa pinapanood natin," paliwanag ko.

"I..." lito siyang tumingin sa 'kin. "What's the question again?"

"Aabandonahin mo ba ako kung sakaling maging bisexual ako?" Ulit ko.

"I won't. I'll still accept you. I don't care if you're straight or not. That doesn't change the fact that you're one of those people whom I... treasure the most. We become friends for a different reason- you know that. I can't just abandon you just because of that petty reason."

Napangiti ako sa sinabi niya. "Talaga, pre? Hindi mo 'ko pandidirian?"

"Of course, no. I don't have any problem with that." tumikhim siya. "I honestly happy that you asked me that question."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Bakit naman?"

Marahan niya akong nginitian. "Because I think, you didn't asked me that question just because you want to hear my assumption about it. It's like, you're opening the chance that you can be one of them. I won't be mad at you if ever you become one of them. Unless..." nawala ang ngiting naglalaro sa labi niya kanina. "You're considering this topic because someone caught your attention... someone who's in the same gender as you."

I unconsciously bit my inside cheek. Sinulyapan ko siya at nakitang seryoso siyang nakatingin sa 'kin, bahagyang matalim ang titig. I focused my eyes on the TV to avoid his gaze.

"I will ask you this again," saglit niyang inabot ang remote at tinigil ang pinapanood namin. "Look at me, Bryll."

Napabuga ako ng marahas at tumingin sa kaniya. His attention is all on me.

"Nagsinungaling ka ba noong sinabi mo sa 'kin na wala kang nararamdaman para kay Arcandale?" mahinang tanong niya. Hindi ko alam kung guni guni lang ba iyon o talagang may halong lungkot at sakit sa boses niya noong binanggit niya iyon. Kahit ang mata niya ay ganoon din.

"Hindi ba iyon din naman ang magiging kahihinatnan ko kung magiging bisexual ako? Ang magkagusto sa kapwa ko lalaki?" Sa halip ay tanong ko.

Nagtiim bagang siya. "I'm not asking about the consequences. I'm asking about your reason on why you asked those questions, Bryll."

I looked at his eyes. There's a hint of sorrow and agony. Like he badly wants to know the answer but he's not sure if he'll gonna like it.

Naalala ko ang tinanong ko kay Sian noon tungkol kay Dale. Base sa pagkakasabi niya noon, kung may dapat man akong tanungin tungkol sa bagay na 'to, si Grant na iyon.

Tatanungin ko ba siya?

Nagbuntong hininga ako. "Wala akong rason, Grant. Tinanong ko lang iyon dahil sa pinapanood natin. Na-curious lang ako. Nag-iba 'yong nararamdaman noong isa kahit na lalaki siya kaya naisip ko na pwede ring mag iba 'yong sa 'kin. Pero hindi naman ako sigurado roon. Na-curious lang talaga ako sa maiisip mo kung sakali man na mag iba rin iyong akin."