*recap*
i miss you so much sydney. i love you.
*end of recap*
i go to say something but i close my mouth, tears gather in my eyes and i look down. i start messing with my fingers.
chase: are you gonna say anything?
sydney: i don't know what to say chase.
chase: i know that you miss me clearly and that you still love me; or do you not?
sydney: chase i do still love you and i miss you but i don't know what to say because i'm hurt. i should hate you for leaving me but i can't. i love you so much and it hurts.
chase: i'm so sorry syd. i messed up and i regret leaving you. it was messed up and i hate myself every day that i did that to you. please can we at least try to work this out and fix things?
sydney: i want nothing more than to fix things but i'm scared of getting hurt again. you just left me. you left me and broke my heart chase. it's so hard to let you back into my life after that.
chase: i know and i'm sorry. i never wanted to intentionally hurt you like that. i thought i was doing what was best but i was wrong. i messed up and it made us both worse and i'm sorry. please let's just fix things.
i look up at chase.
sydney: i'm scared. i'm scared to let you back into my life. i'm scared that you're gonna hurt me again.
chase: i promise i won't hurt you ever again. i swear on everything syd.
sydney: you say that now but what if you change your mind?
chase: i won't-
sydney: yes you will. when we first started dating you said you never leave me. you changed your mind and you left me. you left me and broke me! i don't want you to leave me again and then have to go through this again! i don't wanna be hurt again chase!
chase: please calm down. i won't change my mind and i won't leave you. i promise.
sydney: how can you promise that? what if you do-
chase: sydney i won't change my mind. please can we just work this out?
sydney: i don't want to get hurt again.
chase: i won't hurt you again. i'll prove it to you.
sydney: how?
chase: i don't know but i'll think of something. i will not hurt you again. i swear.
sydney: i'm scared.
chase: i understand that your scared to let me back in but i promise things will be different if we can just work this out. i won't make that stupid mistake ever again.
i sigh and lean against the wall, i look back down at my hands. chase walks over to me and grabs my wrist, he starts walking dragging me behind. he opens a hotel room door and we walk in, he shuts the door behind us. he grabs my chin with his other hand and lifts my head up so i'm forced to look at him, tears gather in his eyes.
chase: i want you to tell me how you felt except call me what you felt. does that make sense?
i look down.
chase: sydney look at me and answer me. does that make sense?
sydney: yes.
chase lets go of my wrist and chin, i look up at him.
sydney: you're worthless. you're not wanted and no one wants you. you will always be alone because no one wants you. you're stupid for wasting your time on someone who just got up and left you. you should've listened to your brother and never started this relationship because look where it ended-
chase: did i really make you feel like this?
sydney: yes.
i walk over to the wall and lean against it, i sink down to the floor and pull my knees up to my chest. i lay my head down on my knees, chase comes and sits besides me. he wraps one of his arms around me.
chase: i'm so sorry i made you feel worthless and that nobody wants you. that's not true. you are worth so much and you are definitely wanted and needed. i'm sorry i left you and caused you all of this pain syd. i promise you if we can please just work this out i won't ever leave you especially now that i know how you felt. to be told those things or even think those things hurts and i'm sorry i made you feel those ways. i won't leave you. i know it's gonna be hard and take a lot of trust for you to let me back in but can we please try?
i move my head off of my knees and lay it on chase's shoulder, he lays his head on top of mine.
sydney: we can try.
i feel chase smile against my head, he kisses the top of my head. my eyes start getting droopy and i start getting tired.
