I Need A Doctor

Chapter 49

CHAPTER 49

Back to JORDAN'S P.O.V

Two weeks passed since mom and Jason left us. Me and dad, kami tidak sanggup live with all the memories in our family home. Everytime saya masuk kitchen I will cry, saya limpas bilik Jason I will cry. I go outside and see mom's garden I will cry.

The pain, the mourning is just too hard to bear. Sangat terseksa hati saya rasa. Dad banyak berkurung dalam bilik. Some nights dad akan meracau.

After mom and Jason selamat dikuburkan, by the 3rd night I started to sleep with my bedroom door open to look out for dad. Some days dad macam biasa, he can talk. Some days he will start crying and scream out for mom.

I fell into depression myself. But I still got up to urus dad. I didn't want to answer phone calls, I didn't want to look at my messages. I disconnected myself from all communication. From all people.

I just felt empty, blank. Everything looks black in my eyes. Saya tidak sedar, days became weeks, weeks reached to a month. Saya rindu my mom, saya rindu Jason. Saya rindu my dad when he was still his self.

SAYA RINDU BELLA. Saya rindu setengah mati tapi saya takut. Saya takut in my depressed condition now, I will turn out like dad and Bella won't accept me. Her family won't accept me, won't accept my dad. Saya sanggup mengorbankan cinta saya for my dad. But saya bertekad to make dad recover, make myself recover. Bella promised to wait for me. Wait for me, love, give me some more time. Time to heal the pain of my loss.

Saya takut mahu call or Whatsapp Bella. I know she will straight away come to me. I don't want her to see me in my weakest. Di saat saya paling lemah, I could not be the man, the husband to protect her.

BELLA. I flashed back our memories. The tears, the laughter, the love making. Saya menangis di katil saya sambil memeluk kaki saya.

"I miss you, sweetheart. I miss you so much." Saya menangis, badan saya bergetar. I saw Bella's messages, I saw her missed calls. Saya tidak kuat, saya menangis lagi.

Bella: Bae, where are you?

Bella: Bae, talk to me

Bella: I miss you

Bella: Bae?

Bella: OMG! Jordan! Answer me!

Bella: Don't hurt me please, Jordan. Please. I love you

Bella: JORDAN!

Bella: JORDAN!

Bella: I hate you! I hate you!

Bella, sweetheart, I love you. I love you. Please don't hate me. I'm not strong to face your hatred.

At one point, saya tidak tahan. I wanted to tell her I love her, I'll come back, please wait. But all I can say was I'm sorry.

Me: Baby, I'm sorry

Bella: BAE!

Bella: Jordan. Please, baby. Where are you? I miss you

Bella: I can't live without you, Jordan. I love you

Bella: JORDAN! JORDAN! PLEASE!

Then I heard footsteps running. I dropped my phone in panic.

"Jason! No, no don't play there, boy."

"Jatuh nanti you, boy!"

"Dear! Dear, tengok Jason, tidak mahu dengar."

"Nah, Jay, mummy marah sudah."

Suara daddy berteriak. Laju saya berdiri dari katil dan lari keluar dari bilik saya, daddy sedang berlari menuju tangga turun macam mengejar bayangan Jason masa kecil. Dad's hallucination menjadi semakin teruk. Nasib saya sempat tangkap pinggang daddy sebelum dia sikit lagi jatuh dari tangga.