NCT short imagines

The bridge

N.Jaemin
The bridge
Word count: 1176
Angst

Y/N's POV

I've been stressing a lot lately. With school and my part time job. Just everything is getting too much and it's stressful. Me, the person that I am, has it difficult talking about my own feelings. That's the reason why no one knows about it, they don't even notice.

"Why are you so late at home?" Mom asks, sounding a little mad. "I had work after school, you know that." I tell her as calm as possible. "No I don't! Do you expect me to know everything if you're never home to tell me something?"

"Why do you think I'm never home? I have school and a part time job to help you financially. And you never even thanked me for that." I raised my voice a bit but it quickly went back to normal, it's still my mom I'm talking to.

"I went out eating with your brother, I hope for you that you already ate. There's nothing at home." She turns around and walked back to the living room. I went to the kitchen and looked everywhere, there's indeed nothing except some old fruit that's this close to rotten.

I go to my room and lock the door behind me. My back against the wooden door. I look around, fighting against the tears that are about to roll down my cheeks. I'd always tell myself not to cry. I need to keep that smile on my face, no matter what. My phone trills, I look at it and it's my boyfriend.

I open the text message I got from Jaemin. He's asking if I have time tomorrow. He must have the day off from work as well. I just text him I can't, even if I have free. I just don't feel like meeting him, I don't want to break down in front of him.

I realised I was crying when some tears fell onto my shirt and make a little wet spot. Why am I like this? I kick against my bag, hurting my foot, but I can care less. I hate it here, I hate humanity, I hate myself. I'm so disgusting to cry about my own life, if I tell people they'd say I'm selfish, right?

People always think I'm selfish, how hard I try my best to help others. Do I even care enough about myself? See, another selfish thought, no? I'm so stupid! I change into my pjs before slamming my face in my pillow as I cry harder. I don't want anyone in the house to hear my ugly sobs.

I lift my face from the pillow. I calmed down after crying for 20 minutes. I look out of my window, the moon and stars bright as ever. Somehow it makes me think more about life, it makes me cry again. Why? I'm such a loser. I throw my pillow across the room. Hitting a photo frame with a picture of Jaemin.

It hit the ground, glass shatters. I pick it up and look at the photo. "What do you even see in me? I even think I'm stupid. You deserve way better." A few tears coming in contact with the broken glass and photo. "I'm sorry for being such a disappointment."

—

I got dressed in some black jeans with a big sweater where I could hide in. "Y/n, come downstairs now!" Mom calls for me. I go down and see her in the kitchen. "Here's a list of groceries and some money. I need to stay with your brother, he's sick." I just nod before taking the list and money.

I walked to the grocery store nearby, just to find out it's closed. Now I have to walk to the supermarket which is the total different way from here. I sigh and turn around to start my walk to the supermarket. I passed a bridge. A lot of cars driving over with sometimes someone on a bicycle.

And here I am, walking this long road. At least I had some good view. I look down to see the water, it's deep. I think no one would like to fall off from this height into the cold water. It must be killing. That would be a great thing for me. No, that's selfish.