TRY . jinlia

027

[ CHOI LIA'S ]

I gathered my things with me when I saw Aecha and Sojin standing infront of our room. It's been five days since what happened and I can hear all the whispers die down, thankfully. Ryujin is back being with her friends and I really couldn't care less. She really belongs to them, anyway.

You see, ako yung tipo ng tao na mas pinipiling mamanhid kapag nasasaktan. I don't like my emotions to get the best of me especially when it's not numbness. It's like, being numb is my self-defense. I pull this front everytime something bad or something I do not like happens. But of course, there are days that I still cry though that only happens once. I really don't like crying, I'd rather let my heart cry than my eyes. I'd let my emotions get to me once and when I'm done, I'd be numb for the whole freaking time unless everything's fine again.

I approached my friends who were both smiling at me. Then I heard Sojin sigh when she saw I didn't return those smiles. What's the point of smiling, anyway?

"It's Friday! Ngiti ka naman diyan!" asar ni Aecha pagdating ko sa harapan nila.

I only scoffed. "Saan tayo?" I answered instead.

"Sa bahay tayo. Tumawag na ako para makapag-prepare na sila ng meryenda. Doon tayo sa gym, may ituturo raw si Aecha sa'yo," si Sojin ang sumagot.

"May naisip na ako para sa performance mo! It's not that bongga dahil alam kong ayaw mo sa gano'n pero nasa gitna ng okay at bongga! Gets mo? Basta 'yon. Haha!" tawa niya at hinila na ang mga braso namin ni Sojin bago naglakad paalis do'n.

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

Hinihingal akong umupo sa sahig nang matapos ituro isayaw ni Aecha ang steps para sa isang kantang ipeperform ko. I was really going to sing one song only pero naisipan ni Aecha na dagdagan iyon ng isa pa dahil boring na nga lang daw yung kantang pinili ko, iisa pa. The song was lively and cringey but I couldn't do anything because I somehow agree with her.

"Hoy! Grabe ka! Ang dali lang nung steps na itinuro ko sa'yo!" sabi ni Aecha na natatawa pa.

I rolled my eyes. "You know how my body hates doing things like these," usal ko at pinunasan ang pawis gamit ang braso ko.

Tumawa siya bago umupo sa tabi ko. "Na-eexcite na ako para sa'yo! Finally, our friend decided to show her talent after years of prying her!"

Ako naman ang tumawa. "Wow. Improving na ang vocabulary mo ah. 'Prying', sa'n mo nakuha 'yan?" asar ko at tumawa.

"Gaga! Kailangan talagang sirain mo yung mood, 'no? Sa'n ko pa ba nakuha 'yon? E 'di sa dictionary. Duh!" sagot niya at umirap. "Parehas talaga kayo ni Ryu. Nahawaan mo yata ng kalokohan mo. Naku!"

Tumawa ako ng kaonti at tumigil agad. Napansin ni Aecha 'yon dahil nakita ko ang paglaki ng mata niya at pagpalo sa bibig. Nagbuntong-hininga ako bago tuluyang humiga at tumitig sa kisame. Then I heard Aecha sigh also beside me reason why I turned my head to her.

"Li, okay lang ba magtanong?" she asked while playing with her fingers.

I sighed before turning away from her gaze. "Yeah... sure," sagot ko at naghintay sa tatanungin niya.

She faked cough. "Ano ba talaga kayo ni Ryu?" tanong niya. "I know you're friends with her pero kasi parang may iba e. Your smiles whenever you're together is different. The sparks in your eyes whenever I see you listening to her is different. And you were never sweet to us kaya nagtataka ako dahil iba ang turing mo sakaniya at sa'ming kaibigan mo. I mean, she's your friend and we are your friends too, pero bakit iba ang treatment mo sakaniya? I'm not jealous or ano ha, I'm just curious with the real deal between the both of you."

Hindi ako sumagot. Instead, I bit my lip as I let my heart cry for the nth time today.

"And this... after what happened between you and that I can't tell her name. Pagkatapos no'n, you were back to being your usual self again. Ilang araw na kayong hindi nagpapansinan and I can see changes between the two of you individually. Lia, ano ba talaga kayo?" pagpapatuloy niya.

I swallowed a huge lump in my throat before shaking my head. "Nothing," maiksing sagot ko.

"Lia, all those smiles you had everytime with her, isn't only nothing! Lahat ng tawa mo, even your clingy behavior towards her isn't 'nothing'! At gano'n din siya sa'yo! I never saw her smile like that with you when she was with Yeji! You were both different together, Li. A good different so how is it nothing?" she answered with desperation in her voice.

I sighed before sitting up again. I raked my hands up to my hair and stayed like that. "Nothing," sagot ko.

"Tell me, Li. I'm your friend. Hindi pwedeng lagi mong sarilihin 'yang mga problema mo. I'm here. Sojin and I are here," maamong sambit ni Aecha that made my heart break a little more.

"Wala nga, Aecha. It was only one-sided love, okay? It's not that big of a deal," matigas na sagot ko at napahilamos ng mukha.

My chest was heaving up and down. I really do not know what to feel. My heart's breaking at the moment but I can't really feel it.

Tumayo na ako bago pa makapagsalita ulit si Aecha. I took my things before going out of the room. Tinungo ko ang kusina kung nasaan si Sojin para makapagpaalam. Nagtaka siya at nagtanong pero hindi ko na pinansin at lumabas na ng mansion nila. Malayo ang mansion nila sa bahay but I don't mind taking a walk.

Madilim na paglabas ko. Tanging streetlights nalang ang nagsisilbing liwanag ko sa gawing iyon. I played with rocks while I was on my way. Malakas ang hangin kaya ang pawis ko kanina ay tuyo na.

The cold breeze calmed me down and all I can think of now is Ryujin's smiles. Her voice, her boyish charms, her laughs, her dimples, her jokes, and her comforting presence. I miss her already.

I'd be lying if I say that I don't wanna be with her ever again. Because I still wish I was the one beside her the days before yesterday, yesterday, today, tomorrow, the days after tomorrow, and forever. I still wish I could hold her forever. Her hands, her face, her hair, her waist, her neck, her thighs, her body.

My heart ached for the nth time when her familiar scent lingered up to my nose. Nababaliw na yata ako dahil wala naman siya tabi ko ngayon. I miss how she would smell mocha and vanilla at the same time. I miss her hugs. I really miss her at doon nalang 'yon.

My heart tingled when an image of me kissing her popped insise my head. Imagination... I laughed when I realized how ridiculous I was to even think of that.

Pinalis ko ang mga luhang kanina pa nagsisitulo at tumigil na bago binilisan ang paglalakad pauwi. Dumaan muna ako sa isang convenience store at bumili ng mga makakain para sa bahay.

Papa was already inside the house when I got in. Nakaluto na siya ng makakain niya at tahimik nang kumakain mag-isa sa mesa.

"Pa, I'm sorry I got home late. May ginawa lang kami nina Aecha kina Sojin," usal ko habang nakatalikod siya sa'kin dahilan para mapatalon siya.

"You don't barge in like that, Choi Jisu!" sagot niya dahilan para matawa ako before taking the sit infront of him.

"Sorry," tawa ko at nag-peace sign pa.

Lalo akong natawa nang umirap siya. "Kumain ka na ba?" tanong niya.

Umiling ako. "Hindi na. Wala akong gana," usal ko at tumayo na. "I'm going upstairs. I still have some paperworks to work on. Night, Pa," I muttered with a tight smile before kissing his head.

I went to my table after taking a shower. Inilabas ko ang mga papel ko at nagsimula nang magtrabaho. Then my phone beeped in the middle of my work. It was a notification from Ryujin in Twitter. Nagdalawang-isip ako kung bubuksan ko ba iyon o hindi. I sighed in the end before turning off my phone.