Aurora's Heart

Part 32:Honour thine Warden

Aurora 

"Sebastian, come on, I gotta go,"I say nudging him in his side. I should be at work right now, instead I find myself in this small motel, thirty minutes from the town. Bash is asleep. After four hours of mind bending sex we laid paralyzed until we passed out, now I have to get home. Its late.

"Baby, just five more minutes,"he groans in his sleep.

"Five more minutes and my husband is gonna send his goons to look for me like he did last month," I sigh. We can't keep being careless like this. I know he understands this, but there are times when I think he's just over sharing me...well at least sharing my time. But he's no killer, so I have to remind him we shouldn't aggravate a man who is one.

"We can't,  you know I'm being timed,"I sigh, getting up and grabbing my clothes off the floor. Sliding into my Jeans, I button them. Luckily,I have my hair in long box braids, so there's one less thing to fix. I pull my black halter top over my head.

"Yeah," he sighs, visibly annoyed. He gets up at the other side of the bed. Sitting with his back turned to me, he holds his head in his hands. I watch as the muscles in his back flex as he tries to frame his frustration. My mood is suddenly moved to a sullen place as I watch him… he's suffering. He has been suffering all for five whole months, and for what? Because I drew him into this. Maybe it was better before? I shake the thought from my head. Better? No...simpler. Maybe.

"What's wrong my love?" I ask to fill the silence in the room.

He takes a deep breath and sits up. The muscles in his back pronounced.

"At the end of every day with you, I get like this, you know better than to think too much of it, Rose," He sighs. "I'm fine,"

"At the end of every day with me you are sad, and with great reason, but do you think it's easy for me to see it?" I sigh.

"No," he says firmly, "I And I'm sorry, I will make a greater effort to hide my pain,"

"Hide it?" I say frustrated. "I know your heart as much as I know my own, you can never hide it, even with pretence, so knowing you are in pain will always bother me,"

"Then let me feel it, Aurora," he says, " let it brand me, burn through my flesh every day till you are mine, mine outside and  inside of goddamn hotels, so I may never ever take you for granted when that day comes!"

I feel tears building up in my eyes and I try to blink them away. He can't see my face right now, and I cannot see his, but I can just picture the vein at the side of his head pulsating like it usually would being times like these.

"This is not a punishment or an induction process to prove you deserve me or will be a great boyfriend-"

"So I'm not your man now then am I?" He sighs, getting up to grab his boxers off the chair by the bed. The question hits me like a ton of bricks. We have never discussed titles just yet, but… "We've never said the words-" he sighs.

"I thought it was implied,"I say, folding my arms across my chest. "Baby you need to stop making this harder than it needs to be, I know it's difficult for you and this is not how you dreamed of having me, but this is our reality right now, and I cannot take you making it break you every time I have to go home to him,"

"That won't ever change," he shrugs turning to face me. There is a bed between us, but it feels like there is even more distance. His eyes pierce into me like hot needles,  "I love you,  and it will never get easier until that love can take place outside these walls and outside a fucking time frame!" 

"Why are you yelling at me?" I ask in disbelief. I can feel my heart rate quickening as my eyes try to look anywhere but at him right now.  I notice an empty bottle of Appleton Estate Rum on the side table. He was drinking while I was asleep. My eyes shoot to him.