Ch. 46

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by anxietynh

by anxietynh

(Katherine's p.o.v.)

I feed Nathan his food while everyone does something else. I make little airplanes and make him laugh so I can get the food into his mouth quicker and in a fun matter. I let him down as soon as he done eating and he goes to play with Alyssa. Liam is busy with the boys and doesn't pay attention to anything else. I go upstairs and I get the sudden urge. I don't try to fight it and I just let the sudden addiction do that whatever it wants to me. No one is going to know anyways. I go to the bathroom and close the door behind me. I search through all the shit in the cabinets until I find a blade.

"No one will have to know. Our little secret." I whisper to the blade like it is a real person. I always feel like I am a crazy person, I'm sure I am by now. No one else thinks so but I know so. I hesitate with the blade over my arm. I can feel my hand shaking like there was an earthquake going on. I breathe heavily and my heart can be heard from my ears. Why am I so nervous? It's not like I haven't done this before.

I close my eyes and take deep breaths. I bring it down to my arm and I almost slide it against my arm when Liam calls me down. "I'll be right there." I call down. I quickly gash out on my arms nit caring anymore. I wrap something around my wrist with cold water and come up with a lie. I walk down the stairs and greet the boys.

"What happened?" Liam asks me questionably. "I was scratched myself and then I started bleeding." I make up. I say it is believable because I have really long nails. "Be careful next time." Li laughs. Thank god he believed me; other wise I would be in big trouble. "Whatcha want babe?" I ask. "Are you okay with going out ?" He asks. "I'm okay with that." I smile. He gives me a small smile back and comes over to me. "I know you were lying baby.You can't fool me." He whispers in my ear. My heart stops beating and I feel like crying.

He takes my hand and brings me upstairs. "Why?" He asks trying to keep his cool. "Can we just forget this all happened and just play pretend?" "No! I can't pretend like I don't know you hurt yourself. Why? Katherine, why even?" "I don't know, okay? You know how addicting it can get! You know that once you get addicted you can't stop." I yell now. I am sure the boys are eavesdropping. "I thought you have been doing better?" He gives me a confused look. "Eh." I shrug. "It's not eh Kath! This is really important!" He starts to get mad now. "Can we just let it go for tonight? Please?" I beg him. I fall to the ground and bring my knees up to my chest.

"I'm sorry." I look up at Liam with sad eyes. "I am so sorry Li." I say again in a whisper voice. "It's okay baby." He sits on the ground and brings me into a tight hug. "I will never like it but I will understand it." He tells me. He kisses the top of my forehead and then puts his chin against my head. We stay like this for a few moments before the boys start yelling out things to Li and me.

I decided to stay back and I promised Liam I wouldn't do anything stupid. It took him forever to convice him to not let me go but I got him to let me. I go upstairs and I decide to take a shower. Showers always relax me; I love having the hot water run down my back. The stream is nice too.

I hop into the shower and I have to stop myself from reaching over to the razor. I promised Liam. I have to keep this promise. I want Liam to be able to trust me on this one. I want to show him I can be strong. I need to convince him I am okay so he doesn't think anything is wrong for now. I don't want him to worry, he doesn't need to worry. He should just focus on everything else but me. That would be perfect.

I think about this all in the shower and get my mind cleared. I know Liam loves me but I am still unsure why he picked me. I guess that question will never be answered. Most of the things about me aren't good... he could have picked someone with less drama at least. Ugh I don't understand at all. This all confuses the shit out of me. I'm not even that pretty and next to Liam, I am so much uglier. The struggles of having someone so pretty.

By the time I get out of the shower, it is already dark out. I change into pjs and go to blow dry my hair. It doesn't take me long until my hair is fully dry. I decied to put on makeup so I can take pictures. It will get my distracted and give me something to do. I apply eye makeup and sit my phone on my dresser. I put on a timer and pose for the camera.

After taking a hundred of those I take mirror selfies and just goof around. I go through my apps and find my one heluim app that Liam and I got. We would send each other weird videos that made us laugh so hard. I click on the app and decided to make a video. "Hiiii Li!! I am really bored right now so I found this app again. Ijust took a million selfies because I needed something to do. Yeah, I am lame."

I save the video and send it to him. I turn on music and decide to sing in the videos and just be weird. I ended up making about 20 videos and sending them all to Li. He reads the messages and ends up calling me. "You okay there?" He laughs through the phone. "Yeah, just bored and hyper." I giggle. "You've been drinkin there?" He asks. "Hell no. I don't like any of the shit we have in the house! Duh." "We will be home soon. Don't have too much fun there." Liam laughs and hangs up. I ggigle to myself and make more videos while I wait.

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Author's Note:

I am making another Katherine and Liam story and it's going to be different from this one. She won't be Niall's daughter in it, but she will still be depressed and all that but different things will most likely happen in that fanfiction. Check it out if you want to when its up. Thank you.