I'm his Diana, He's my Batman. (Liam Payne fanfic)

Ch. 43

(Katherine's p.o.v.)

Suddenly I am able to hear again, I feel my heart beat slightly, I'm breathing... Why? I should be dead right now.. Should'nt I? I hear voices talking.. Where am I again?? Who knows.

"Its a miracle, her heart rate is up, she is breathing normally. A lot happened since last night." I hear someone say.

Whoa.. wait.. how long have I been like this then? What was I like before? Why am I more stable now? I should be dead; not alive. I don't understand..

"She can wake up any moment too."

I don't want to wake up any moment! I want to be dead! Gosh! I wonder if Liam is here though.. Maybe should I wake up? I want to wake up but also I want to be dead. So hard to decide, I really wanna wake up buuut I really wanna stay lifeless as possible.. Ah fuck it, I will just wake up....

I open my eyes and look around me, I still don't remember any of this.. My dad and Liam are out in the hall talking to someone. I pull myself up and I feel pain shoot up my left side.

"Ow, shit" I guess I said that loud enough because Liam and my dad rush in.

"What happened? Wait, you're awake!!!!"  Liam yells happily.

"Yeah, I'm awake.. Now help me !"

"Okay, okay.."

He helped me sit up and then the questions came rolling in..

"Why? Why did you do this Katherine?"

"First I just ran away to get Liam's attention. Then I realized things and I couldn't take it anymore. I caused pain so I tried to make things better for everyone." I explained to my dad and Liam.

"You caused more pain by doing this.." My dad tells me.

"I'm sorry."

"We came so close to loosing you."

"That was the point.." I say in a duh voice.

"Well, it scared us all. I have almost lost you so many times. I don't like knowing you can just die on me any moment."

"Well I should be dead right now.." I say in an annoyed voice. I should be dead; my heart beat stopped! I don't like being alive. It is no fair and not what I want.

"No you shouldn't be. Kath, you have survived all your suicide attempts. If you were meant to be dead you would have been dead."

"Yeah, yeah... This would have been that time! Of course you had to find me! I want to be dead! Why doesn't anyone understand that! I am tired of fighting my way through everyday. It is so damn hard! I don't like knowing I can't do something without someone bashing out on me, or saying I'm cheating, or anything! I am so sick and tired of it all! I want to be dead!!"

I think some more and then speak again, "I have tried so hard. I have done everything I can think of. I stayed off twitter but they got onto myh instagram and started more rumours. I got off instagram, more rumours spread. I went on tour and everyone was so hateful. I can't stand it. No matter what I do, they find ways to tear me apart. I am so torn I don't think I can be put back together."

They take in all that I have said. They seem speechless. I don't feel like getting lectured anymore. I want this haunting life to end and then maybe everyone will be left alone from the fans. Maybe they will relaize how badly they can hurt people. Maybe they can change. I know Liam can move on. I know everyone will forget me. I am ready for that. I have never been so ready to die.

"I have never been so ready to die Dad. I am sorry but I am so done with trying. It hurts so much to get up almost everyday."

Liam and Dad both have tears in their eyes. They look at me like I am a crazy person too. Maybe I am crazy; too crazy to be fixed. I don't deserve all I have, I deserve to be dead. I don't get why Liam chose me over millions of girls. There are so many better girls out there. He can find one in a second and forget me.

"I'm not ready for you to die." Liam spoke up.

"Why? Look at all the pain I gave you."

"I don't care about how much pain, I love you. I want you here. I want you to be able to watch Nathan grow with me. I want to have so much more with you. That can't happen if you die."

I don't say anything back. There is nothing to say back. I get if I died, Nathan wouldn't be able to see me.. I could still watch him grow though. Liam can have the furture he wants with a better girl. I am not the right girl for him.

Dani was the better one. Skinnier, prettier, better dancer, made Liam happier, ect. Why can't he go back to her? Would that be so hard? He doesn't need me, he has her. I am no match for him. I have no chance against her, but yet he is still here with me. I don't understand that.

I want to end this life. No one gets that. I tried to be strong, didn't work out. I just can't find the same happiness, I am stuck in the dark and there is no light to lead my way. Liam was that light but the fans pulled me under so much he is so far ahead I can't find him anymore.

I just want to know what I did. Are they still mad at me for being with Liam? Or maybe I am so easy to break I am an awesome target to break.? I don't know and I will probably never know. They just hate me so much. I want to make things better but I know they will never let me. I just need to be left alone, looks like I will never get that though..

I will only get the peace I want when I am dead and I can't even die. No one will let me. If I am alive I get so much hate and no one leaves me alone, I try to die and people seem to suddenly care and try to save my damn worthless life. I don't get it at all.