Roman Angst One-shots

Self-Inflicted Achromatic

Partially based on the GLMV by brutstar (Hi! Hope you like this)

I'm so sorry, I completely forgot to post on Saturday! I wasn't home the majority of the day and when I finally got home it was like almost four and I wanted to look through Tumblr and stuff because I didn't have internet when I was out and I kept thinking that I'd post in a bit and then I never did! I'm so so sorry!

I know I usually post these on Saturdays and Wednesday's but I'm gonna be busy on Wednesdays from now on and unable to post so I'm changing it to Tuesdays and Saturdays.

Also oh my gosh we hit 5k! Thank you all so much! I love you all so much! If I could give you all butterfly kisses. Do you know what those are? With the eyelashes?

TW: Depressive/suicidal thoughts (in the song), mention of slapping, eluding to self-harm.

~~~~~

Thomas and the sides were in the living room, they weren't making a video, just hanging out. No one was talking to Roman, who was just sitting there trying to keep a fake smile on his face while his head filled with depressive thoughts. After a while, though he couldn't keep it up anymore and just sunk out into his room, knowing no one would care enough to even notice his absence.

Once in his room, his eyes landed on a picture of his 'family', sighing he began to sing, "I wanna be like you, I wanna say that I can. I wanna be the side that you think that I am. But even if I had it all come true, like a dream, is the side I came to be the real me?"

He teleported to the imagination, activating a memory from when Thomas was young, not long after creativity split, all the sides were best friends all hanging out together, "so young and simple, wishing like things would come true." he turned away from the image of his past self, "now as I am I understand it's best I die and soon..."

He put on another memory, this time of him and Patton. Patton had asked why he always wore long sleeves and then started to pull Romans sleeves up, Roman had reacted by slapping him. "Just by living, I'm hurting them another day. Hundreds cry, all I do is ruin everything. Nobody wanted me, no one there to need." the memory flickered to his perfect world, all of them being happy together, "If only I could live in that kinda world I dreamed.."

He started just going through different bad memories, "Just by leaving I'm helping them another day. Hundreds smile, all they do is laugh at everything. Nobody there to scream, no more being mean but see things like that would never happen for me!" he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to push back the tears.

He watched as he continued to soldier on, even as it became more and more clear they didn't want him, "Day after day I found my way, sleepwalking through. Like this I'll fade without a trace, it's for the best I do..!" he stared at his hands as they flickered.

"Just by living, I'm nothing for another day hundred lives, never knowing me or anything. Nobody wanted me, no one there to need. Why would I wanna live in the kind of world I see? Just by leaving I'm no one for another day. Hundred lives, never changing them or anything. Nobody there to scream, no more being mean to me, then could I have it all back in one piece?"

"In the end, we'll fall to the ground again, over and over, and never get up. In the end, the side they made in me, breaking and breaking and never picking up. In the end, we're leaving it all again, over and over, and never wake up."

The memories stopped speeding by and landed on a good one, one where they were all enjoying Roman's company, "Just by living I'm bringing you another day. Why, just for me, can you smile after everything?"

Everyone was smiling and laughing at something Roman had said, and not in a mean way, "in the end, the smile you gave to me right when I wanted to give it all up. And I do wish that I didn't and all of the moments I tried just to die, said goodbye."

Roman sunk back into the living room, everyone was there, smiling at him, glad that he was there, "Just by leaving I'm no one for another day, hundred lives, never changing them or anything. Somebody here to scream, someone here is stopping me, why can't I laugh it off the way that I'd dreamed?"

~~~~~

I guess that's where I'll end it, I don't really like this very much, But it's my first try at a songfic so I won't hate on it too much.

Written: 6-30-2020
Word count: 660
Posted: 8-25-2020