Roman Angst One-shots

Twinkle Twinkle

Inspired by a, now deleted, video by -Azi- on YouTube.

This got dark fast then lightened up like the first paragraph is dark but after that, it isn't really.

Also, this is the last one-shot I have prewritten so it may be a while until I post again.

TW: Talks of suicide, censored swearing

~~~~~

Roman sat on the stage in the mind palace theater, he liked to go there to think, he sighed and started to sing, making up lyrics as he went. "Twinkle twinkle in the sky, I just wanna f*king die. Slit my wrists and end this pain, put a bullet in my brain. Twinkle, twinkle little star, I hope I get hit by a car." when Roman finished his depressing little song, he felt someone hug him from behind, causing him to jump. He turned his head to be met with scales, why was Janus here? And why was he hugging Roman?

"Are you ok? I mean from that song I assume you aren't." Janus said, releasing Roman from the hug and moving so they were now facing each other.

"I don't know where those lyrics came from," that wasn't completely true, he had been thinking about suicide for a while, and he may or may not have a suicide note tucked away in the back of his drawer.

Janus didn't say anything for a moment. "I guess you don't like me very much, and I don't blame you, but I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to," Janus said.

Roman bit his inner cheek, did he want to talk to Janus? I mean, he needed someone to talk to but was Janus a good person to confide in? He had done nothing but hurt Roman in the past, but maybe he had changed? Maybe he could trust him? No. At least, not yet. Maybe he could trust him someday but not yet.

"Thank you, but no. I can't trust you, you haven't given me any reason to." Roman told him.

Janus looked a little hurt but nodded, "I understand." Janus said standing up. "I came here to let you know we're having a movie night," Janus informed, offering a hand to Roman.

Roman smiled, taking Janus' hand and letting him pull him to his feet, "let's go then!"

~

A month had past and Janus had continued to run into Roman in the theater. They had gotten to know each other and had even reenacted a few movie scenes together, primarily from old Disney movies. Because of this, they had become close, and Roman had started trusting Janus.

Roman sat on the edge of the stage, he wasn't having a great day, at all. He had gotten into an argument with Virgil and Patton got mad at him for it, then Logan got mad at him when he started to hum 'Let it go' earlier. That on top of him waking up in a depressive state just made this an overall terrible day.

Janus sat down next to him, "Are you ok?" he asked. Roman just shook his head, he didn't feel like pretending right now, and Janus would be able to tell anyway so there was no point in it. "Do you want to talk about it?" Janus asked.

Roman sighed began to explain, initially only meaning to talk about what had happened that day but ended up explaining everything, he told him how he'd been feeling and all the thoughts that had been plaguing his mind. When he finally finished Janus took his hands turning him so they were facing each other.

"Does anyone else know you're feeling this way?" Janus asked.

Roman shook his head, "No." he said.

"I care about you, you know that right? You know that I'd miss you so much, everyone would." Janus said.

Roman looked down, staring at his and Janus' hands, "I know that, I know I'd hurt everyone if I killed myself but I just..." Roman trailed off, pulling his hand away from Janus to run it through his hair, "I don't know what else to do! Everything is so hard, I wish things could just go back to the way they were when Thomas was young, my job was so easy back then, I wasn't under all this pressure to create something perfect to release to the fans. I just created worlds for Thomas to escape into when the real world was too much for him. A place where things made more sense." Roman sighed, letting Janus take his hand again, "I want to think that things will get better, but it's been months and hasn't yet, so can I expect it to?" Roman finished talked looking up at Janus as if expecting him to have the answer to his question.

"I can't say whether or not things will change, not with absolute certainty, but I can tell you that I will be here no matter what," Janus told him, wishing he could sit more to comfort the creative side. Janus hesitantly opened his arms for a hug, Roman immediately threw himself into the deceitful sides' arms, desperate for affection. Janus held Roman close as he fell apart.

After a few moments, Roman pulled away from Janus, wiping the tears from his face, "thank you, for listening I mean." Roman said.

Janus smiled at him, "anytime."

~~~~~

Rather proud of how this one turned out, other than maybe the ending.

Written: 8-31-2020 and 9-2-2020
Word count: 847
Posted: 10-6-2020