Roman Angst One-shots

Broadway Here I Come

I've been wanting to write this for a while but I never liked it very much, still don't love it but I'm not gonna redo it again. Also, I know someone requested it, I just don't remember who, so I hope you like it!

Oh my goodness we hit 10k reads! Thank you guys so, so, so much!! I honestly don't know what to say, I didn't expect this to happen so fast, I've only been posting these for a few months. I love you all so much, thank you again!

Also, I just noticed this, we hit 5k a month, and one day ago (8-25-2020) just thought that was interesting.

TW: Suicidal thoughts, Suicide attempt

~~~~~

Roman ran up the steps of his tower, slowing when he neared the top. Opening the door he stepped into the room he had created for himself, there was a bookshelf on the opposite wall from the door full of all the best literature and a few stories of his and Thomas' own, to the right of the door there was a fireplace with a tv above it where he watched Disney movies, to the left were two beanbag chairs and behind them on the wall was a rainbow flag hung between two Windows. On the floor there lay a carpet with his emblem on it, and there were fairy lights hung around the ceiling. Between the bookshelf and fireplace was a balcony looking out over the land he and his brother had created.

Roman walked over to the balcony and looked out, there was an enchanted forest and beyond that were three mountains, the center one, taller than the other two, had a waterfall flowing from it.

Roman sighed as he stared out, trying to see past the mountain into Remus' side of the imagination. He had long ago made a barrier so they couldn't crossover into each other's land, it also made it impossible to see into the other half of the imagination.

Roman looked down at the ground, a field of grass and flowers lay below him. He wondered what it would be like to fall from this height, would the impact be painful or would it be over before he could even register it?

How long would it take everyone to notice he was gone? Would they care that he was? It wouldn't affect Thomas, Remus would get full creative control as soon as he died. Would Remus care if he died? They were brothers after all, even if they did hate each other. Not that Roman hated Remus, again, they were brothers, he didn't hate him.

Would the "light sides" care if he died? Patton said they all loved him, but was that true? Logan thought all his ideas were completely unrealistic, he'd be happy. But what about Patton and Virgil? Virgil probably hated him, what with all the times Roman had insulted him. Patton? He honestly had no idea. But even if he did care he would be the only one, Roman was sure of it.

But what about Thomas? Sure Roman's death wouldn't affect him creatively since he would still have Remus, but he could still hurt him by doing this. But then again, he would hurt him more by staying, he was so broken he could barely be creative anymore, and if the embodiment of creativity can't be creative then..what good was he?

Not that he believed that he was good at all, not anymore. Janus was right, he had done too many terrible things to be considered good.

Making up his mind, Roman climbed up onto the railing and looked down at the field below him, he couldn't help but think of that song he'd added to his playlist for the fanders, "I'm high above the city, I'm standing on the ledge, the view from here is pretty, and I step off the edge," The verse played in Romans mind as he began to step off the railing, but he felt a pair of arms wrap around his stomach and pull him back before he could fall.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Janus asked fearfully. Roman didn't answer, instead, he stared at the floor, what was he supposed to say?

Janus watched Roman, how was he supposed to handle this? He had come up here to apologize for what he'd said, he had expected to find Roman wrapped up in a blanket watching a movie, or sitting by the fire, or writing, or just in the corner crying, not about to jump off the balcony!

Janus ran a hand through his hair, maybe he should call in the others? But what if that was counterproductive? It probably would be, considering they're probably part of the reason he wanted to jump in the first place. Then again, he probably is too. No. Fewer people are better in this situation, he didn't want to make him feel suffocated.

"Why did you save me?" Roman asked after a few seconds of silence, "I thought you hated me, just like everyone else."

"I don't hate you, no one does! I never meant to hurt you, I didn't think before I spoke and I should have, I was just angry and- I'm sorry." Janus told him sincerely.

Roman didn't know what to believe, he was torn between what Janus said and what his mind was telling him, Janus was a liar, he's the embodiment of Deceit after all! Roman couldn't believe him, he was probably just trying to manipulate him again. Right? But he found himself wanting to believe Janus, he didn't always lie after all. And really, what did he have to gain from manipulating Roman again? And he only had Thomas' best interest in mind, which meant he might have only saved him because he was worried it would affect Thomas.

Janus could tell what Roman was thinking and let out a sigh, "look, I know you don't believe that I care, but I do. I hate that I hurt you this much. Please just..don't kill yourself." Janus said, not knowing what else to add.

Roman looked back at the balcony, then back at Janus, he could see remorse and worry in his eyes. Roman moved away from the balcony, much to Janus' relief. He couldn't promise that he'd never try again, but he wouldn't do it right away.

~~~~~

Written: 8-19/23-2020
Word count: 953
Posted: 9-26-2020