Desperado

part 41

the biggest smile on my face forms and i feel like my world is starting to spin again

"yes. you remember him?" i stand next to her and look at the picture

it's a picture of jeremy and elena. it was one of her favorite pictures and she would always keep it by her side, especially that month she was grieving of his death

she furrow her brows, "i- i think so, jeremy russo right?"

my heart starts to race, "yes"

she smiles at the picture, "where is he?" she ask me, putting the picture down, "maybe he can help me"

my smile fades away, "he- he um..." i have no idea whether to tell her the truth or to lie

"he's dead" i say

her smile drops, "oh" she looks back at the picture, "why?"

i press my lips together, "i don't know" i lie to her

how can she remember jeremy but not our own kids? let alone me?

i cant believe i'm jealous of a dead guy right now

she puts the picture down on the table and turns to face me, "so, are you going to tell me some things to get to know you more?"

when i look at her my eyes go soft, she has a small grin on her face and that little spark in her eye makes my heart stop for a second

i don't know what to tell her to remember me. do i tell her my favorite color, shoe size, our past life? i'm not so good at this

this has never happened to me

"what do you want to know?" i ask her and she shrugs her shoulder

"tell me something that really traumatized me"

i stare at her with furrowed brows, is she being serious? she stared back at me and waits for me to talk

gosh i wish my elena was still in there

i realize she's being serious, maybe telling her something that traumatized her would trigger her memory back?

i don't even know what traumatized elena. jeremys death would be one of them...

i take a deep breath and think to myself for a second

did me leaving her traumatize her? hearing those gun shots the day she thought i was dead

my heart starts to race when i think about the day i told her to forget about me

"i hate you" she looks in my eyes, meaning it

my heart shatters. i lied to her this entire time, she thought all of this was over now, that we can leave to london with jay and start a life there

i deserve to die

"princess, don't say that" i walk towards her as she backs away each step i take

"i tried everything i can do the figure this out elena, we didn't get the case and the judge made it final for me to get the penalty" my heart starts to race

"why didn't you tell me" she whispers

"i honestly don't know elena and i am so sorry" i start to cry

"you're so fake!" she yells at me

i spent my last few years with her and i'm so happy i did. i know she hates her dad but i love him for sending me to get her