HYMN OF THE RAIN

Purple Thoughts

"Have you gotten your letter?"

"I haven't checked." 

I yawn, while Rosa gets into the house, greeting everyone with her usual cheerfulness.

It's around 7 on a peaceful Saturday morning and suddenly she knocks on my door. The first thing she asks me just has to be the thing I'm worrying the most right now.

"You should." she insists after we go to my room upstairs. Then she just sits comfortably at the edge of my bed as she always does. I'm about to shrug it off when I notice how she's looking at me eagerly as if she's waiting for something.

"You've gotten yours?"

Rosa beams so wide - I swear as if her teeth emit their own light. Or maybe it's because she flosses her teeth regularly unlike me.

"Yes!" she almost yells her answer due to her excitement, "Oh, I can't believe I'm accepted to Brown! I thought I wouldn't get in!"

"That's great!" I join her in her excitement, "It'll be a long drive from here, though." I pout.

Rosa giggles, "As if you'll visit me that often. I know you'd prefer to stay at home instead of going out to travel."

"Still. I need to see you there. It's a dream come true, after all."

"I can't believe it," she sighs, "How the heck can I make it there?"

"Studying religiously for the last few years?"

"Besides that," she laughs, "I'm so lucky. I can't believe it."

I smile, hoping I'd experience the same thing as she does soon. It'd be a dream come true for me to get accepted to that university.

"You should check your e-mail, Sash. Maybe there's some news."

"I've checked it last night. Still none."

"Then check again," she's now sprawled across my bed, "It wouldn't hurt to check once more."

I pick up my phone, making my way to do as I'm told. I check my e-mails, scrolling through each one of them and shrug.

"Nothing?"

"Mhm."

"You'll get it soon."

What she doesn't know is that I've got accepted to some other universities I've applied, some of it except for the one I desperately want. But I don't bother to tell her about that yet.

Rosa joins us for breakfast and only goes home when I'm off to work.

She accompanies me to the bus stop until we part ways, getting into different busses with different destinations.

"Morning!"

"Hi, Linda."

"You seem nervous. What's going on?"

I put my bag down, looking at her, "I am?"

"Mhm," she rests her head on her hand, nodding, "Mind telling me?"

"I'm waiting for my letter of acceptance. My friend has got hers, I'm waiting for mine."

"Oh, where are you going?"

Then I realize I haven't told Linda anything about my plans after high school.

And all along I've spent most of my weekends working alongside her.

I name every university I applied to, except for the one.

She nods, "I'm sure you'll get accepted."

"I hope so."

"It'll be a few months left until you're off then." she smiles sadly and I can't help but feel a bit mellow whenever the topic comes to the surface.

"I can still work here whenever I have semester breaks, right?"

"Of course. You're welcome here, Sash," Linda looks at me with a smile, looking prouder, "You've been a great partner to work with here."

"You've been an awesome boss, have I told you that?"

She laughs, "I almost thought that's a subtle way to ask for raise."

"No way!" I laugh, "Unless you want to."

Linda sends me off to work and soon I really drown myself in it.

Afternoon comes by and the usual weekend customers have come and gone.

Jo drops by just as I'm about to begin my lunch. 

"What are you having there?" 

He peeks into my lunchbox that reveals an omelet with some oranges as he's queue-ing for the cash register.

"No sweets?"

"I like them, but it doesn't mean I have to eat them all the time." I scowl, but he chuckles.

"Here," he hands me a chocolate chip cookie, "A bit of snack so you won't get cranky later."

"Thanks. But I'm not cranky, you know that!"

"How's your uni? Any news?"

"Not yet."

"Have you checked?"

Why does everyone ask that? Of course, I have.

"I have."

"Check again."

"I've checked this morning!"

"Well then check again this afternoon."

I groan but oblige anyway. As the screen loads my g-mail, I make my complaint to him.

"See? I've checked. Why does everyone ask that huh? It's-"

I stop as my eyes catch a certain name. The name I've been waiting for.

My eyes skim through the e-mail quicker than I can imagine and when I find the sentence 'success of your application' in the letter, my breath hitches to an abrupt stop.

I'm accepted...

Is this real?

"What's wrong?"

I look at a severely confused Jo and I'm so happy that I almost tear-up. But that only confuses him even further. And so I show him the e-mail, making him look back and forth between me and my phone screen until he cracks a genuine smile.

"Is this that one? The one you-"

I nod vigorously and he laughs.

"Congratulations!"

"I can't believe it!" I finally tear-up, wiping my tears quickly so no one will notice, but Linda does anyway.

"What happened?!"

"I got accepted!" I cry out, show the e-mail and she hugs me so tight. I couldn't be bothered by anything that day. 

Even with Rosa's deafening scream of celebration, or gran and Mom's hysterical crying. Not even when Mom cleverly invites Jo to dinner to celebrate.

Peter is even invited. Poor guy.

Through the night, I find my chest feels a whole lot lighter.

The whole idea of me going to New York for real has been nothing but an idea in my head, but now here it is - my ticket to New York. My chance to live my dream.

The possible oncoming hurdles only cross my mind in a blur. The homesick, the distance, the possible loneliness.

I'm too happy, I'm on cloud nine.

It's as if I'm flying, unattached to the world around me. Brushing off Mother's tears which I don't know if it's actually sad or happy. It's all for tomorrow to think of.

This bubble of happiness feels suffocating to be buried in my chest and so I let it all out.

But throughout the night, I notice sadness glints in the eyes of those closest to me, even when I want to temporarily blind myself against all of it.