HYMN OF THE RAIN

Too Young, Too Dumb

I'm lost.

Am I dumb enough to actually ignore the signs? Turns out I actually am.

What now?

I wander around Jo's home, still searching for any signs of them. Anything can do - even the tiniest one. Are they already gone that fast?

"Excuse me, young lady."

I turn around to see an old lady, tapping on my shoulder. She furrows her brow in confusion, her eyes darting between the building and me. She's probably seen me around the building long enough to cause suspicion.

"Are you looking for someone?"

"Uh, yes, Ma'am. Do you know Mrs. Scott by any chance?"

Her eyes instantly gleams in recognition and silly enough hope jumps out of my chest at the sight. Maybe she can tell me where they're going. 

"Do you mean Mary? Who has two sons?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

"They just moved away a few days ago, dearie," she clicks her tongue, shaking her head, "Poor girl. She's had a hard time covering the little one's bills."

I nod and she continues on, "I'm glad the oldest can help her. What's his name... Jake?"

"It's Joseph, Ma'am, " usually the mention of that name can bring a smirk on my face, but now all it does is making me even sadder, "Do you know where they're moving to?"

"Ah, no. Mary didn't say anything... Or did she? She didn't mention a specific town, though."

"Oh, alright, " I nod, deciding it's best for me to head home, "Thank you, Ma'am."

"You're welcome, dearie!" she nods, smiling warmly at me.

I half-heartedly leave the building behind, shooting one last glance at the flyer on the door then walk away at once. The bus ride is thankfully quiet enough for me to think everything over.

He likes me... turns out he really did.

I know after what happened with Jared, I've tried to numb myself against those things. But I didn't know I'd succeed. 

But what is there to be happy about when I've missed my chance with Jo?

And now he's off to somewhere I don't know. I doubt he'd even still reply to my texts after reading his letter. 

I have a lot of questions. But I doubt I'm getting the answers soon.

The bus ride seems faster than it usually is. Maybe because I've got too much in my head. My thoughts are so loud, I don't know what I should do to shut them up.

Why can't he tell me that night?

Or was I too drunk in my own happiness that I didn't care about what he wanted to say?

I sigh, dragging my footsteps against the sidewalk floors. Maybe he'd still be here if I was brave enough to speak up. Maybe I'd know where he was going to if I just... did more.

I look up at the blue canvas above, which is dotted with several bobby clouds.

A world this big and I don't even have a clue where he is.

I check the text I sent to him again and I still get nothing from him. By now I'm convinced he's changed his number.

I run my hand through my hair, trying to somehow wrap my head around what's happening.

First, I got accepted to the university I've always wanted. Then suddenly Jo said he likes me, moved away, and couldn't be contacted at all.

Since when does my life can get this complicated?

Suddenly I have to know exactly what my priorities are and what I really want. And I thought I've known it. I've got my plan for the next 5 years to do all these things that I've written on a paper. 

But somehow he's entered the picture and I've been pushing all these thoughts away. I've ignored all the signs both from him and from myself.

"Hi hon," Mom appears from the kitchen, grinning, "Don't forget the dinner with your uncle and aunt tonight."

"When will they arrive?"

"6 o'clock," she glances at the clock on the wall and it's pointing at 4.10, "you better get ready soon. We don't want them to wait."

I nod, before proceeding to go upstairs.

Who can I talk to about this?

I've told no one about Jo so far, not even Rosa. And that's a huge since I'd usually even tell her about my trip to get some ice cream at McDonald's.

I close the door behind me, shaking my head in hope that it too will get my mind off these things even if it's temporary.

After I'm finished preparing for dinner, my head also feels a whole lot clearer.

At least one thing is certain, I'm going to New York for university. And the plan must go on, even when Jo is out of the picture.

The only thing left I have to do is to get used to not having him around anymore. Maybe leaving all of these behind is good. Maybe a change of scenery can get my mind off this matter, even if I don't know how long it'll take until I can look at this town without getting the flashbacks.

"Sasha! Are you ready?"

"Coming, Mom!"

Hurriedly getting through the flight of stairs, I join my family in the dining table.

Mom is cooking my favorite -lasagna, with a whole other menus. The table seems full as Aunt Poppy puts the food she's brought onto the table.

The conversation doesn't revolve around Rachel's incident anymore. It changes into other lighter topics, just like how it used to before the whole thing happened. And it reminds me, even after the loss of my father and what happened to Rachel, things somehow find their ways back to normal.

Though the definition of normal has shifted and molded into a different one without Father and also the unfortunate event added to our history, our lives find their ways back to the state of peace we used to have.

And maybe I can get over this one.

I've got through what happened with Jared. I've got over Tom. Despite everything that they've done that eventually made me decide I wouldn't deal with such things again, I've found my peace with the matter.

Deep inside me, I know we'll eventually meet again. And if not, I'd surely have moved on.

I've heard New York can mend your heartbreaks.

I am yet to know how, but I wouldn't miss my shot. 

Because maybe I've just lost someone that I can actually say I'm in love with. What's more to lose?