HYMN OF THE RAIN

Invisible Ties

Weeks have passed ever since I asked Linda's help.

To be honest, I've put it at the back of my mind so often that I completely forget about it. Probably until when I arrive for my shift on a Saturday morning.

Linda greets me with an anxious good morning before quickly deliver the news to me.

"I've given the money."

"What money?"

She scowls at me, impatiently explaining, "Your paycheck. To Jo."

"What?" I stand there dumbfounded, my bag still hanging awkwardly in the air as I hold its strap. Then I put it down on the table behind the counter, "What did he say?"

"He refused so many times. Then he finally said yes, though."

"He didn't mention my name?"

"Once."

I wasn't there the weekend before. I was busy with exams and Linda was definitely clever for giving it to him when I wasn't around.

"He didn't seem too happy?" I carefully ask, while occasionally check the door. 

"Yeah, he didn't. He looked, hm, what's the word?" Linda taps her finger on her chin, "Ah! He looked like he felt bad for receiving it."

I really hope he isn't smart enough this time to figure it out. Because I don't know what he'll say to me if he knows. But I can't bring myself to ask for further details in fear I won't be able to concentrate on work if I know. 

The less I know, the better.

The door opens and closes numerous times that day without a single appearance of the guy I'm dreading to encounter. 

I got home that day thinking he probably has gotten over the matter.

But then Sunday afternoon rolls around and the door finally opens. This time, it's really him.

I don't know if it's because of how nervous I'm feeling or something else, but I've sensed the uneasy air he has around him ever since he steps in.

When he's made his purchase, he eyes me once, nods curtly, before heading out.

And that's it. That's the encounter I've been dreading since yesterday.

But with his silence, it only makes everything clearer.

He's definitely very upset with me.

I feel Linda's gaze on me as the door closes behind me but I can't be bothered to return it.

It takes me a few moments before I meet Linda's uneasy gaze.

"Well?"

"He's mad at me, isn't he?"

I hope she'd tell me I'm wrong. I hope she'd say I'm just overanalyzing things.

"I think he is," she glances at the door, "Why don't you explain yourself to him?"

I wish this problem will be over soon. But as much as I want it to be resolved, I'm not that brave to step out and ask him to listen.

I've offended him, haven't I?

But I only wanted to help him.

Is it enough to justify what I did, though?

Linda waits for me expectantly. 

Then I'm off running after Jo.

He's exactly where I suspected.

Standing with the book in the plastic bag, his back is against me as he waits for the bus to come.

8 more minutes until the bus comes.

The bus stop is vacant enough for me to step in. But, will he listen?

I go against my doubts, walking towards the bus stop. The nearer I am to where he is, the more my nerves build up.

When I finally call out his name and he turns, I've lost my chance to back out.

Jo's stare looks guarded. And if I were dumb enough not to get it, he doesn't greet me with his usual monotone hi. Instead, he raises a brow, as if silently asking why I'd be here.

Or maybe he's waited for an explanation. I don't know.

I'm never good at resolving conflicts.

So how should I address the issue? Or shouldn't address it in the first place since maybe he hasn't known yet?

But if he does, won't he be upset if I'm already here and I don't even address it?

Well, should I-

"Why did you give me money?"

"Uh, what?"

He scowls, "You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"I want to help you out." I squeak. We fall silent for a moment and my answer echoes awkwardly in between us. I'd usually gladly fill the gap, but this time I'd gladly shut up.

Jo sighs, "I appreciate your motive, but you know I'm perfectly capable to support my family, Blue."

"I just want to lighten your burden a little." I can't look at him, "I didn't mean to offend you or anything."

Silence comes between us again.

"Here," I look up to see the envelope I gave to Linda, "Take it."

Then I look at him and somehow he doesn't seem as angry as he was.

"Can't you take it as my thanks for teaching me Math that one time?"

A smile cracks onto his lips, "No. I wouldn't charge you for that."

I eye him for a few seconds and he seems to notice my reluctance, "If you don't want to, I'll just give it back to Linda."

"Please?" I shoot my shot, hoping it'd somehow work. But he shakes his head firmly and I surrender with a weak nod.

"I'm sorry if I offended you."

"I get your intention," he glances at me before he looks at the bus which is coming closer. Then he looks at me again, "You need me to walk you home?"

"No, I still need to work."

With that, he wishes me good luck, then hops into the bus after he bids me goodbye.

It didn't go as well as I planned it would be, but at least now I know I shouldn't cross the line.

When I get back to the bookstore, Linda waits for me worriedly, peering over the counter. Then she hastily asks how it went with him.

"It's alright," I offer her a smile, "He'll be handing you the money back, though."

"He doesn't want it at all?"

"No."

"Oh, well sweetie. I appreciate the idea, though." she grins, trying to cheer me up. The only good thing out of it is that he's forgiven me. But other than that, I don't know how I can help him now. 

Scratch that, I don't know whether I'm allowed to or not.

"He said the same thing." I somberly reply, walking towards the books I have to tidy up.

"I'm glad he noticed that and not just take his anger out on you."

"Me too."

And with that, I work through my tasks, hoping my job will provide me some sort of comfort.