HYMN OF THE RAIN

Burnt and Blue

I know Jo isn't the best at expressing himself through words since day 1.

But ever since I get to know him better, he's never had any difficulties to talk to me. Well, except this one. 

The guy is fumbling his hands nervously and I almost feel sorry for him if I don't remember what he's done.

Some will say it's not a crime, but just because it isn't doesn't mean it hurts any less.

"I'm sorry."

I go silent, waiting for him to elaborate. Cruel of me, I know. I wish our problem can be finished with just those words, no more, no less. But the fact that I need him to explain further makes me quiet.

"I shouldn't have left you hanging like that. But I mean every word in that letter," he pauses to briefly look at me, before he goes on, "Mom fell sick when it was her first day. She was rushed to the hospital and they found there's something wrong with her heart. The doctor wouldn't allow her to work, but the boss had already bought tickets and everything for us to come."

He sighs, "He wanted his money back. But we couldn't pay him... So I stepped in to work for him. And uh, his daughter likes me. A lot. She sticks onto me all-day long. I was going to text you to explain why it's hard to reach out for me," Jo meets my eyes with a sad smile, "but she found out and threw my phone into the toilet."

"What the heck..." I furrow my brows at the revelation. We haven't seen each other in a few months and all these things have happened to him?

"I know. She's so spoiled. I can't get rid of her, though. Upsetting her means upsetting the boss, so I stick with it. I'm sorry it took me this long to clear everything up, Sasha."

Silence hangs between us for a solid minute or two.

It does explain everything, but I can't seem to get rid of the lump in my throat that easily. Nor my doubts. At the end, I choose to taking it all in slowly.

"Is your Mom okay?"

His head shoots up in surprise, "Uh, yeah. She's recovering."

"I'm sorry," I add, "For your Mom."

"Yeah, well... At least I can do something to help her."

Come to think of it, Rosa helping Jo seems like an odd scenario I've never thought before. It's too early to decide whether or not I should believe him, but if Rosa - the one who helped me to get rid of the problem from my head ASAP - has helped him, then maybe...

Maybe he's telling the truth. Or maybe he's lying and Rosa is buying his act.

I sigh, taking a sip of my juice. I wish life can be as easy as picking your favorite drink.

"Sasha, I understand you probably won't forgive me. But I just really want you to know my side of the story," he fumbles with his straw, which is poking out of his tall glass of orange juice, "I'm sorry. I really am."

"I need time to wrap my head around it, that's all."

He shots me an apologetic smile, before his phone on the table buzzes. It does for some time, since it seems like someone is sending a series of them, not just one.

Jo sighs, an annoyed frown graces his lips as he reads the the texts through his notification bar. When it doesn't shut up for another 20 seconds, he finally unlocks his phone in one frustrated motion.

"Duty calls?"

He lifts his eyes for a second, "Unfortunately."

He proceeds to type a reply, before abandoning his phone once again.

"It's the boss' daughter."

"She needs your help?"

"No. She's asking when I'm coming back."

"She doesn't know you're here?"

"She likes to pester me 24/7, even when she knows," he shrugs.

I shake my head, trying not to laugh at the thought of the girl constantly following him as if she's his shadow.

"Sasha."

"Hm?"

"You know I'm serious, right?" Jo seems anxious, "About what I've said."

"Which one?" I feign innocence. Maybe I can see how genuine he is when he's saying it to my face. I hope he's not that good at acting.

"You really want me to...?" 

I shrug and not long after he says it again. This time, I don't hear it in my head. His voice is as clear as daylight in my ears.

Despite his reddened cheeks and fumbling hands, Jo's voice is loud enough for me to hear.

"I like you, Blue."

I can't help but chuckle while he flusters as if he's revealed a big secret of his in front of the whole school at prom night. When in fact, there's only me as his audience.

"And I want you to know that I'll always wait for you. The situation right now..." he shakes his head, "It's difficult enough to convince the boss why Anne shouldn't come with me here. I doubt I can talk to you as often as I'd like."

"Let's leave it here then." I finally speak up and he looks like I've caught him off-guard, "The situation is already difficult enough for you. I don't want to burden you even more."

"Burden? You're not a burden."

I offer a smile, hoping that he gets my point. Communicating is hard enough for him with her breathing down his neck constantly. Losing his job isn't a choice, especially with how his mother is right now.

"If life wants you and me to meet again under better circumstances, then I'll see you then, Jo."

I know he wants to argue his way out of the solution I'm offering. But at the end, he probably sees how it's the only way to go right now.

It's not every day you get to let go of someone you love genuinely. But I can't imagine making his life even more difficult than it already is just because I'm selfish enough to ask for his attention. All I want is to get rid of his burden even if it's just a little. And if it means I have to remove myself out of his life - as long as it can make him breathe easier- then it's time for me to walk out of it.

My phone buzzes at the same time as his does and upon seeing it's Rosa, I get up from my seat. He eyes me sadly, as if it's the last time we see each other. Maybe it is. 

But instead of crying, I put on a brave face, offering him a smile.

"Hug?"

When his arms wrap themselves around my waist tightly, I almost bury my face in his stupid black jacket and cry. 

That'll make everything harder for the both of us for sure. Acting you're fine when all you want to do is cry and scream your frustrations off is never an easy feat.

I restrain myself, pulling away from the hug before wishing him good luck with a tight smile. 

I can't believe I can walk out of that place without wiping a single tear. Because the moment I sit on the bus on the way to Rosa's dorm, the brave mask I've been putting on falls to the floor - just like my phone. And the whole bus finally sees my ugly crying face.

Well at least I'll be leaving this damn town tonight.