Memory Lane

Chapter 7: Im Sorry

Kara's POV

I flinched at Alex slamming her fists on the DEO round table.

"Damn it!" She growled.

We had hit yet another dead end in our search. During my interview with Lillian last week she didnt give the slightest indication that she knew who I was. Alex and I worked tirelessly to find who did this to Lena.

I sighed and put a hand on her shoulder.

"We'll just have to keep looking" I say softly.

"If Lillian and Lex are behind this they would have taken everything into consideration" Jonn said.

Alex had him read her mind and he in turn transferred the information to the rest of the DEO agents. All except for Lena. She was unaware of the true nature of her assignments still. Everyday was torture for me having to keep this from her.

"Do you think that they mind wiped themselves too? You would think they would have known that Supergirl was off planet since they seem to know her whereabouts all the time" Alex reasons.

"Its a possibility. We will have to continue to look around for any clues. It could be someone else completely" Jonn says.

"I dont care who it is. I just want them found" I say lowly.

I walk away and go to the lab. Winn and Lena were working on some new tech for the field. When I walked in for a moment I felt the old Lena was back. As if nothing had changed and that she had her memories back. Until reality set in and I knew that wasnt the case. I walked to their table and Lena kissed my cheek.

"Hello darling. We were just finishing up our new chest plates. We made them lighter and more shock absorbent. What do you think?" She smiles. I loved seeing her excited about projects again.

"That sounds great! They look very mobile too" I comment.

Lena goes off into an explanation about the process. I catch Winns eye and shake my head. He gives me an apologetic smile and I turn my attention back to Lena.

"Anyway, how would you feel about going out for dinner tonight?" Lena asks.

"Dinner? Have I ever turned down food?" I laugh.

"Good point. I will come to get you once we have finished and we can stop by home to get ready" she says.

"Sounds great love" I smile.

Despite Lena not having her memory and not knowing we weren't really married, our feelings were genuine. I could feel it and my trip to the Fortress was still at the back of my mind. So, when we returned back to the apartment I felt the familiar jitters of going on a date with Lena. We went with semi casual attire and walked to the restaurant.

It was Italian and Lena scanned the menu. I couldnt help but stare a little she seemed concentrated.

"You're staring love" she said softly. Her eyes never left the menu and my cheeks began to burn. I turn away and hear her chuckle.

Once we had ordered and began to eat I noticed Lena now staring at me.

"You're staring honey" I tease.

She scoots closer to me, as we're in a booth, and I grow nervous.

"I know" she says.

Something in her tone and how close she was made chills run down my back. My fork stopped midair and I turned to her slowly. The small smile and sparkle in her eye told me she was up to something. Lena broke eye contact and continued to eat as if nothing happened.

I was worried about what would happen when we got back home. I could feel her lust and my own was starting to build, but I could never do that. It would feel like taking advantage of her since we weren't really married. Knowing she had no memories and the ones she has are all lies. I had to put her before myself.

When we did finally get back to the apartment I was quiet. Too afraid to blurt out my thoughts and too afraid to start something. We made our way to the bedroom and I changed. I was used to changing in front of her now but still blushed if I caught a glimpse of her.

I turned to see that she wore only a small, thin gown and watched me. Her piercing green eyes were watching my every move and I dreaded the time I will have to turn her down. We got into bed and I was nearly sweating from nervousness.

Lena moved closer and I could feel her lips on my cheek. They moved to my jaw, neck, and she beckoned me to turn to kiss my lips. I knew where this was going. Every cell in my body wanted to continue but my mind was screaming for me to stop it. I couldnt take advantage of my best friend. I loved her too much to do such a thing.

When I felt Lena's hand at the end of my shirt I grabbed it softly. I saw confusion and even a bit of hurt in her eyes and tears threatened to escape my own.

"I cant" I croaked. Lena moved away slightly and my heart started to break.

"You cant?" She says quietly.

"I cant with you not having your memories. I just feel like I'm taking advantage of you if we do. Kissing was one thing but this is-..." my voice broke off and Lena was now further away.

"How are you taking advantage of me? If you dont want to all you had to do was say no Kara" Lena huffed. She turned her back to me and a tear slid down my face.

"I-Im sorry" I say shakily.

I start to cry more not being able to hold in my emotions and get out of bed. I leave our room and go to the window. I take off and let out a sob. I found myself back at the Fortress and landed roughly.

I grabbed a pillar of ice nearest me and threw it with all my might toward the ocean. I fell to my knees and continued to cry. I cursed whoever had done this to us and slammed my fists into the ground.

Lena's POV

I could hear Kara start to cry and I turned to her but she was already up and out of bed. I heard the window open and got out of bed. The curtains lightly swayed with the breeze being let in. You're a terrible wife. The voice in my head taunted me and I felt even worse for how I reacted.

Kara had just wanted to do the right thing and be kind to me. I in turn made her feel horrible. I sat at the window on the little bench and looked up at the stars. Now my wife was somewhere out there, crying, because of me.

I waited but she didnt come back. The sun started to come up and I realized she may not be coming back. This hit me like a truck and I walked slowly back to the room. I walked to the closet and started to get dressed. I grabbed a blouse, pencil skirt, and high heels. My hair was pulled up in a bun and I did my makeup. This didnt feel like me. It was as if I was on autopilot. Like something within me was triggered.

I made my way to the DEO and immediately went to the lab. I began to work and ignored everyone around me. Winn had come in at some point, I only noticed when he tried to help me. When I shooed him away there was silence.

Some time later Alex had called a meeting as they had a prospective lead in a case. When I joined the rest of the agents, Kara stood next to her sister in her super suit. I caught her eye and she immediately turned away with a pained expression. I looked down to my feet in shame and tried to pay attention.

"We will need to go in with strength. We have no idea who they are or what they are capable of. Supergirl will be assisting as much as she can but we must work as a team. Lena, I need you and Winn to be on high alert. We will need you to be tracking everything. Are those new vests ready?" Alex says. I nod my head and she nods in return.

"Good. Supergirl we'll let you do an initial sweep, but please be cautious. We will be listening and communicating through your earpiece."

"I'll be fine. I always am" Kara murmurs. I cant help but feel like its directed to me and dare not look at her. I heard her leave and close my eyes.

I know now that there is a rift between us. I walk back to the lab with Winn and keep quiet. I could tell that he wanted to ask me questions but he never spoke up. I looked down at the project in front of me but was unable to concentrate. 

I'm sorry Kara.