OBSESSION | TODODEKU

I Want to Feel Okay

Before Note: As I writing this, I realized this can be triggering for some readers so reader discretion is advised.

Deku's POV
   Finally got home and I'm glad that I got here in one piece. Mom left a note on the door, it reads,
'Dearest Izuku,
my job has called me in for an emergency and I had to go.
I'm sorry that I had to leave you, I have always made it a priority that I put you first but this was an issue I couldn't ignore.
I'll try to make it home to make dinner but if I can't, you know what to do.
I love you to the moon and back.
XOXO, Mom
PS: Make sure your Step-Father doesn't exhaust himself from grading papers again. Last time I found him past out at the dining room table.'
I smiled at the note and checked on my father to find him asleep in their room. I felt relieved that he didn't have to see me like this. I felt a sudden wave of nausea; heat flashes only made my stomach more unease. I ran to the bathroom and as soon as I hovered over the toilet I threw up. I felt sick to my stomach and my head was pounding. Everything about me felt sluggish, like everything that happened to me crashing into body, box cars that keep ramming into mind, hurting me. What's happening to me? I felt more anxious and I felt the same urge to throw up again. I decide worrying wasn't good for me and decide to take a bath to rid myself of him once again.
   I got into the bath, letting the water hit my skin and wash me clean. My tears adding to the water; learning how to weep silently over the years. I felt the bruise on my neck, he said that he wouldn't hurt me if I sent photos. I guess I had a little too hopeful thinking, thinking he would leave everyone alone if I sent him those nudes. Though, this one seems weird. I kept rubbing it, trying to wash it clean but I ended up making it more irritated, so much it hurts to  touch it. I guess but the concealer will have to wait.
   I got off and dried myself, minding my bruise, and putting on my lounge clothes. I went to bed tired, even though it was afternoon. I wanted this day to end but my mind was racing so much that I felt everything around me was watching me, nobody cared, everyone has turned on me, nothing can be trusted, I'm in hell! I'm back in the place I tried so desperately tried to get out of, it's like before, no it's worse, I can still feel his breath on me, I'm still struggling underneath him, I can still feel him forcing himself on me, grinding on me! I can still-
I covered my ears trying to get the whispers in my head to stop. They wouldn't stop as I pressing hands harder on my head, breathing getting heavier and heavier and before I knew it, I was hyperventilating. I was drowning farther and farther down. There's no help this time! If I tell someone he-
My phone buzzed on my nightstand and I picked it up. The contact showed and I answered the phone.
"Sho?..." I asked. For all I knew it could very much be Todoroki-San.
"Izuku..." I was relieved that it was him but he sounded off.
"Sho, are you okay? You sound off!" My anxiety was spiraling again.
"Shouto say something! You're making me uneasy!" I was freaking out even more, and then he yells through the phone.
"Izuku where the hell were you!?! Like, when when I came back up you were gone?!? Do you even want to be with me because I can tell something's up!" Shouto... I never meant for this to happen. I cried out!
"I'M SORRY SHOUTO! It's just..." No, not you too Sho. Tears were streaming down my face and he continued to yell at me.
"It's just what, Izuku!"
"Sho..." I felt nauseous again and I was lucky enough to throw up in the trash can next to my nightstand.
"Izu, are you okay! I'm sorry, I was just in my feelings. Do you want me to come over?" I slid back in bed.
"No, I don't want you to catch what I have."
"I'm coming over to take care of you, and to return your stuff." He insists.
"But what about the English test tomorrow!?!" I didn't want him to come over. I didn't want him to see me like this.
"That doesn't matter, I wanna take care of you! Look, if you're mad I'm sorry I just- I messed up and I'm sorry!" It hurts to hear him like this. The whispers were coming back to me louder than ever. I covered my ears and yelled out!
"STOP IT, PLEASE!!!" I was shaking in my bed with paranoia whispering it's deadly lullabies in my ear.
"Izu, please..." I was still shaking and I heard the call end.
"I'm sorry Sho... I'm so so sorry." I say barely above a whisper. I keep convulsing, knowing that, if I don't end this... It's going to get so much worse.

I wake up after passing out and the time reads 10:33 pm (22:32) I try to go back to sleep but then I realize that Todoroki-San hasn't got a nude from me Today. I opened my phone, getting ready for his slander but I was surprised. Nothing was here today. I was relieved but soon relieve got overturned by paranoia, thinking if it was some sick test to see if I'll obey. I don't wanna do it. But if I disobey, I don't know what he'll do! I walk to the bathroom and have my phone ready with me. I was taking my shirt off, folding it as usual, I untied my pants but for some reason, my clothes felt heavier than usual, no matter how hard I tugged, I couldn't take them off. It was too painful.
   I decided to put back on my shirt and put the phone down. He didn't ask me for anything today so I hope he's satisfied with what he did to me. I hope that isn't too wishful thinking.
   I look in the mirror and notice the bruise on my neck. It still looked irritated, with tiny scars along with torn skin. I touch it and it wasn't as sensitive to touch so I put Vaseline on my bruise and try to go back to sleep, wanting to apologize to Sho, hoping that he'll forgive me for yelling at him and we can go back to normal.

1116 words! (Excluding this outro, and Before Note) This chapter came out more angsty than I thought. I didn't intend to have a warning but, here we are. Was that a believable break down? I try to make things believable cause I don't just want to capitalize on mental heath and not display it properly and that's why when a story isn't written out correctly dealing with this, Author-Chan gets a little upset because she herself had to be checked in the Behavioral Health Unit, and mental health isn't a thing to make a story spicer or to make the character more interesting because depression isn't a character trait but a man vs self battle, because that's what you're writing, a self conflict. No matter how shallow or deep you wanna dive into your character's emotions. 😳 wow, Author-Chan got real with you with my unexpected PSA. Well, back my normal Broadcasting. There will be a Todoroki-POV because we haven't had much of them in my story lately. Anyways, peace out my peeps!
Adíos, ¡Hasta Luego!