Pʟᴀʏ ᴏғ Aɴᴛᴏɴʏᴍs || 2Sᴇᴏᴋ

Act XVI, Scene 4

Trigger warning

Hearing door being locked, SeokJin looked up to a person who entered the room. HoSeok was the only but also the last person he expected to see here. He reminded silent, quickly looking away. He didn't know what to say to him. He was sure Jeon already told him everything about what happened on the bridge. Jin was just afraid how the older would behave now.

That's why he opened his eyes widely when he wasn't met with any words, any populist cliche but with a warm arms around his fragile body. He felt the embrace tighten comfortably as HoSeok began to pat his head. And that was the last straw. He couldn't pretend anymore. He couldn't play a soulless doll, he couldn't act as if everything's alright.

At first he didn't realized he was crying, until he his his face in the older's ram, that's when he felt how wet it was because of his tears. He felt like a destroyed dam. At that moment he didn't care who would hear him and what would they think. It didn't matter. All that was important was HoSeok beside him, supporting him, giving him a shoulder to cry on and the younger did. For the first time he felt like crying was actually helping him. Because it wasn't throwing out all emotions to an empty room. He was doing it to someone who cared about him. It was as if something heavy was lifted from his arms. Jungle wasn't saying anything, instead he just held him close and let him calm down in his own peace. And even if after quite some time SeokJin wasn't entirely calm, still trembling due the stress and nerves, he felt a lot better. Maybe not good but better.

"Why?" There it was. Such a simply but hard question.

HoSeok didn't need to explain what he meant. Both of them knew. SeokJin took a deep breath, thinking how to put in words. He didn't know, so he fell silent for a while, but the other wasn't urging him.

"I don't know. I just thought that I'll feel better this way. Without all those burdens that I carry. Without this whole family stigma, because of which everyone treat me either like I'm not existing or I'm the worst evil of this world. Without my soul called family that makes the most of their fun out of hearing my screams and cries. Without..." A broken sob once again left his lips.

"There there, I'm here with you. Don't force yourself if you're not ready to talk about something. I won't judge you, no matter what." HoSeok still held him close, gently caressing his fluffy, black hair.

"Even... Even if I tell you that I'm an illegitimate child? A result of romance  and that even my own mother didn't want me?" Jin asked, eyes closed. HoSeok is the first person he told this.

"Even then." Ensured him the elder.

"And if I tell you I'm always a failure?" And again hot tears flow out of his eyes. "A disappointment? Mistake? That the only thing I'm good for is to be a puppet to which you can do every horrible thing you can ever imagine?" This time, instead of verbal reaction, he felt HoSeok's arms tighten a bit around him, keeping him even closer. "That there wasn't a week when the didn't make up something just have a 'reasons' to punish me? Hurt me? Cause pain? That my own father and brother t-touched me? In an inappropriate way. That they did even w-worse things, alm-most on a daily m-manner." He managed to finish before falling in a pure hysteria, while the only thing HoSeok could do to ease his pain was to be by his side.

It repeated a few times, SeokJin adding a few more drastic details about what was happening with his fragile body and mind in his house, how it was day by day destroying him mentally, and Jung always ensuring him that he is there for him and he's not judging him, that he always be a kind SeokJin he want to befriend.

"I just can't bare with it anymore!" At some point Kim let out a pained scream through his tears. "What did I do wrong? What I failed? Why me?" He asked, hardly being able to catch some breath.

His dad was aching badly due to his cries, his whole body too, because of the bruises all over it and the cold he catch. It was like all energy was drained out of him.

"See? I thought I would feel better." As if he was in an amok full of despair, the boy showed his hands, covered with dried blood. "I couldn't wash it from the wall. Luckily there's rarely someone in my room or I will be punished. Hard. I didn't feel better though. So I thought the ice cold water would help me feel nothing. That's why I went to the bridge. Because I didn't want to feel more pain." He spoke more and more quiet with everything next word.

And eventually he fell silent. Eyes closed and head still on the other's arm. His small whimpers slowly changed into a calm, steady breathing.

"SeokJin?" HoSeok spoke softly and when he didn't hear any answers he gently pushed the boy a bit away from him.

As if he was made from glass he laid the sleeping boy on the bed and covered him with warm, fluffy blanket, making sure he won't feel cold. Jusfriend he shifted from the bed, satisfied with the sight of calm, sleeping friend, seemingly exhausted mentally and physically.

As quiet as possible he walked out of the room, meeting a crying JeongGuk right behind it's door.