Jemily(Unexpected Love)

Realization

Emily POV

We returned to Quantico the following morning. I was angry, frustrated, upset, sad, annoyed. I had all these feeling in my head and my heart. JJ held me last night until I fell asleep. I'm embarrassed that I fell apart like that in front of her. I told her something that I never intended on telling anyone. That was a secret that was only ever meant for me to know and keep. I didn't ever want her seeing me as weak or emotional. I sat on my own on the jet, I wanted to be away from everyone else. I couldn't bare to talk about things that didn't matter to me just to make time fly. I just wanted to go home. 

When we landed I walked to my desk, grabbed some files and left. I didn't have the energy to entertain conversation with anyone. I had texted Hotch on the plane that I would do my paperwork at home, that I just couldn't be in the office at the moment. He seemed to understand and let me. 

I rushed out of the office as quickly as I could. I didn't wait to explain anything to anyone, I didn't wait for JJ, I just left. I went to my car and threw everything in the back seat. I could care less about the stupid paperwork or this job at this point. I was tired and needed to go home. 

JJ POV 

Emily was struggling, like really struggling. She stayed to herself during the flight back home and went home almost immediately. I was worried about her and wanted to go after her but I knew she wanted to be alone. I didn't want to invade in her space but I wanted to be there and support her, I just didn't know how. 

Penelope was hanging around the desks when we came back like she usually does and saw Emily rush out. She looked confused. "Is everything alright?"

"Not really." I gave her a sad smile. "Emily had a connection to Melissa. Melissa even asked for Emily to take her and she couldn't. It's tearing her up inside."

"Aww Em."

I sat down and tried to focus on my paperwork but found that I was rereading the same line over and over again. I was here but my mind wasn't. I should be with Emily. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Rossi.

"Care for a coffee break?" He asked.

"I shouldn't, I need to finish this."

"Come on, one break won't kill you."

I nodded and followed him into his office. He poured me a cup and closed the blinds slightly. 

"What's going on kiddo?"

"Emily's struggling. She formed a connection with Melissa. I saw it, and it was the type of connection that you don't make with just anyone. It killed her to leave her back in Charlotte. Then, Emily told me that she had tried to become a foster parent a while back, and her application was pushed back because she was single with a demanding job."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"How do you feel about all of this?"

"I mean I knew Em wanted kids, I guess, I never realized how badly. But Rossi, the way she spoke about it, about Melissa...she deserves to be a mom. Some boxes on a piece of paper don't make someone a parent. Emily would be the best parent in the entire world. And it kills me that I can't help her, that I can't give her that. The ability to be a parent."

"You're right, Emily would be a great parent and it sucks she isn't. So what are you going to do about?"

I looked at him with confusion. "What do you mean?"

"You work at a very prestigious work place. You have colleagues and bosses who could help if you asked, yet you haven't. Which brings me back to the question I asked you earlier, how do you feel about all of this?"

"They denied her application Rossi."

"And it's not like we work with a computer genius who used to be a hacker."

"Hacking into the system would be untrustworthy Rossi."

"Sure."

"So you're saying I should have Penelope hack the system, get her denied application overturned, and give her a kid."

"Isn't that what she wants?"

"Yes, but-"

"It's not what you want."

This conversation wasn't going the way I thought it would. I wanted to make Emily happy, more than anything, but I wasn't sure if I wanted another kid. Any decision I made would affect us both. 

"I-I don't know." I answered honestly. 

"It's okay, to not want what Emily wants."

"No, it isn't. Emily has sacrificed so much for me, to keep me safe. She has put herself in harms way time after time. And I can't even do this for her. What kind of person does that make me?"

"It makes you human."

"No, it makes me selfish and a coward." I got up and walked out of his office. I started to feel overwhelmed about everything we spoke about and how I was feeling. I needed some air. How could I put myself, my wants, above what Emily needs? I couldn't believe the way I was feeling. I tried telling myself it was a normal response but was it? You should do anything for the person you love, and I struggled with doing this for her. Everything about this was unfair. If I went and did this for Emily, I would be stuck in a situation that I don't want to be in right now. I don't want another kid. I didn't have that connection with Melissa, I barely even spoke with her. I didn't feel what Emily felt. But if I don't do it, if I didn't help her, I don't think I could live knowing I stood in the way of something she wanted. 

No matter which way I looked at it, no foreseeable future ended with me and Emily. 

(Author's Note: Okay I know this chapter is short. I'm sorry, I will make the future ones longer I just didn't want to go too long without uploading another chapter.)