Mimi Turns Pretty - SOON TO BE PUBLISHED ✅

Chapter 35

Every word he says is like a knife to my heart. Hindi ko alam na pwede pa palang masaktan ng ganito even after all these years. I thought I had it under control, I thought I was tough enough for this pero hindi pala.

I did not expect him to say these things, I expected him to just be a guy and forget about it. But I underestimated how deep these feelings are rooted in us, how important that moment was – for the both of us.

Naiintindihan ko all to well how that kiss felt. It felt real. Kaya sobrang sakit no'ng mga sumunod na nangyari.

"You pulled away from me and I thought the dream was over. Pero no'ng nakita ko ang gulat sa mukha mo I got confused, it felt like I did something wrong and you ran away from me."

He hung his head, "Naisip ko lang siguro gano'n na ang mangyayari, dapat siguro masanay na ako na wala ka. Dapat matanggap ko na you're going away and that you might never come back."

He looks back to the window, "That's when I decided to go home, so I stand up but before I could get to the door someone walks back inside so I thought siguro bumalik ka. I even called your name, but you didn't say anything."

He sighs, "Akala ko ikaw 'yon, Mi."

He chuckles, "God that's such an awful excuse: 'I was drunk and I thought she was you', but it's true. The kiss lasted for just a second because I knew when I kissed her it felt wrong. So I pushed her away."

The kiss lasted a second, saktong segundo na pumasok ako sa kwarto.

Bakit ang sama ng tadhana sa amin?

He takes a deep breath then said, "And the next morning everything was just confusing. I didn't know what really happened at that point. Ang alam ko lang is that you guys were moving away in a few months and that I should start to keep my distance na rin para hindi tayo mahirapan. That girl that I thought was you didn't even talk to me after that so I really thought I imagined it all."

He leans the back of his head on the bed again, "You were so cold to me, Mi. You didn't even look at me. I thought nag-decide ka rin to keep your distance because you were leaving. Akala ko umiiwas ka na sa akin dahil alam mong mas mahirap magpaalam if we were still close. So I just let you. I just let you get farther and farther away from me. I didn't do anything. I was so stupid. I didn't even go to the airport the day that you all left. I just stayed at home and prayed that you will be okay. I wished I could have seen you one last time pero what good would that do? At the time I didn't know how to act around you anymore and so mas maganda na lang umiwas. I regretted that decision for years."

He runs his hand through his hair, "When you were in New York I would ask about you from Marky, but not as often as I wanted to. I didn't want him to think anything of it. He would ask me if I wanted to talk to you but I would just say na baka busy ka kaya 'wag na lang. He found it weird so he would ask me what happened between us, kung bakit parang allergic ka sa akin, how your face would change when he mentions my name. Hindi ko rin alam ang isasagot so I just tell him baka nagtatampo ka or something."

"And so I lived my life without you. I tried to forget everything para hindi ako masyado mahirapan, I kept myself busy with work, with my business, so I could forget about what I had and what I'm longing for."

He laughs, "If you only knew kung anong pinaggagagawa ko, you might say na wala rin kwenta ang pag-iwas ko sa memories mo."

Nagsalubong ang kilay ko. What the heck is he saying?

He sighs, "And then I get a call from Marky that you're coming back."

He puts his hand to his chest, "I thought I was over it pero when I heard it from Marky I just stopped breathing for a second. My chest ached with the mention of you name and the word "home". I was going to finally see you again."

He rubs at his chest, "Here. Every time I hear your name there's an ache right here. It's probably the space in my heart that I've always saved for you."

He laughs sadly, "Or it aches because of the missing piece that you took when you left."

He entwines his fingers, "And then I see you again after six years. You were so different. Medyo na-intimidate ako sa 'yo, Mi to tell you honestly. I was scared to even look at you."

"I felt happy to finally see you but I was sad because so much has changed. I didn't know if you were the same person I knew back then. Maybe we've really drifted apart. Maybe you've changed too much and I haven't changed at all."

He laughs, "Napag-iwanan mo na siguro ako. Kaya I thought what I had to offer you back then, wala nang kwenta sa 'yo ngayon. So even though I wanted to hug you and kiss you, I shut it down again. Hindi na siguro tayo bagay."

He sighs, "But there were instances that the old Mimi would appear, the way you talked to Lola, kung paano kayo mag-away ni Marky, on how you would sleep every chance you get, nagkapag-asa ulit ako na you haven't changed much. Na siguro if I take my time and helped you remember, siguro maaalala mo rin ako. You would remember that I meant something to you at some point in your life."

My lips tremble at the sound of his voice. He must have been so sad.

I want to put my arms around him but I knew he still had things he needed to say.

I close my eyes when he shifts sa pagkakaupo niya, I feel the bed dip closer to me.

I feel his fingers gently touch my temple.

He puts my hair behind my ear.

He whispers, "I know there's a reason kung bakit ka bumalik, and not just because of your Lola. Something brought you back here to me. I know this is my last chance so I'm making it count."

"I'm not giving up on us, Mi. I just want you to know, this time is different."

I feel a kiss on my temple and he says, "I love you, Mia. Dream of me."

***

10/30/2020