Mimi Turns Pretty - SOON TO BE PUBLISHED ✅

Chapter 34

I wanted to yell at him to stop.

I couldn't take it anymore, but I couldn't give in. Hindi ko rin naman alam kung anong dapat kong sabihin sa kanya.

My heart and my head hurts.

"I brought you that necklace noong nagbakasyon kami sa province and we didn't see each other for months. I remember seeing you for the first time pagbalik ko in school and those girls were bullying you, that's the year when you got pimples tapos hiyang hiya ka magpakita sa akin. Do you still have that necklace?"

I kept it all these years sa mga drawers ko, I kept it hidden and I've never worn it.

Tumawa siya, "I could tell sobrang conscious mo about that, so I had to find a good time to give you the necklace pero kada susubukan kong ibigay sa 'yo I just chicken out. Kahit during your birthdays hindi ko maibigay, siguro dahil I knew it meant a lot more than just a simple gift."

"Siguro conscious lang rin ako sa magiging dating ng regalo ko. It's the most expensive gift I've ever given to anyone, pinag-ipunan ko ng maigi 'yong regalo because it was for you."

"I knew when I saw that necklace sa store na para sa 'yo talaga 'yon. It's the Tree Of Life – it's meant to show beauty, strength and growth. You have all of those, you are beautiful, strong and you've grown so much. You're the most beautiful person I know."

I try not to cry pero hindi ko na mapigilan, a tear escapes from my eye.

"I was going to give it to you that night, and not in the way you probably found it. I'm guessing nakuha mo 'yong kwintas in my jacket pocket. That box was burning a hole in my pocket for four years."

"When I finally decided to give it to you that night, I felt na tama na ang pagkakataon. I would give you the necklace and tell you how I feel. I'm finding the right time to talk to you pero buong gabi hindi ko nagawa, I keep chickening out. Wala akong mahanap na magandang timing, until we got into the taxi and we're shoulder to shoulder. I was hoping you'd find the box in the jacket and ask me about it."

He chuckles, "I was hoping tatanungin mo na ako para once and for all masabi ko na. Bahala na kung anong isasagot mo pero gusto ko nang sabihin para matapos na. At least if I knew you didn't feel the same way makapagsimula na akong mag-move on, pero kung pareho sana tayo ng nararamdaman then I would have been the luckiest guy."

I bite my lip to keep myself quiet.

"Kung sana lang malakas talaga ang loob ko, I could've saved so much time siguro. I tortured myself for years kakaisip kung tama ba 'yong nararamdaman ko. And when I finally found the courage to speak up in that taxi, I realized you were sleeping."

I took a deep breath.

He talked to me that night too.

He chuckles, "Kasalanan ko rin. I knew you were tired at pinahilig pa kita sa balikat ko, I should have expected dapat na makakatulog ka. Masandal ka lang nakakatulog ka e, kahit nakaupo."

"But still, I told you how I felt. I can't remember the exact words but it was along the lines of 'I knew na your brother would probably be against it but I know that if I don't say it now I would regret it for the rest of my life.' I remember saying na hihintayin kita, hangga't sa time na ready ka na, hangga't sa time na pareho na tayong nasa tamang edad and can both be sure of how we felt. I remember telling you that I didn't want anything from you, but that I just wanted you to know that I loved you."

I bite my lip harder.

"And so I did what I've always done and just talked to you even if you couldn't hear me. I left that gift sa jacket thinking na kapag nakuha mo you'll ask me about it and then I could finally say something to you personally – when you can actually hear me."

He sighs, "But then nagpunta na ako sa party, wala na nga sana akong balak pumunta doon pero tinawagan ko ni Marky, he said may kailangan siyang sabihin sa akin, so I went there just to talk to him. Wala naman na akong balak maki-party kina Ken."

He takes a deep breath, and my breath catches with his next words.

"I get there, and Mark was waiting sa garahe. Mukhang nakainom na siya and he looks pissed off when he sees me. Wala siyang ibang sinabi kundi you guys are leaving. He said mag-ma-migrate na kayo sa US."

I didn't know that night, I had no idea na ganoon ang decision ng parents namin. I thought they told us both at the same time a week after prom. Pero alam na ni Kuya, he probably found out some way. Kaya pala wala siyang reaction when Mommy and Daddy told us.

"I didn't know what to say. Wala akong masabi kay Marky. We just stood there for a while not saying anything. We both knew wala kaming magagawa. He said narinig niya that night ang pag-uusap ng parents niyo. They were having a hard time with their finances and Tito was offered a good job in the U.S. No brainer ang decision na lumipat doon. And they didn't want to leave you guys here sa Pilipinas so they decided to migrate."

He chuckled, "Alam ng parents niyo that Marky would have a hard time accepting it pero mas lalo na ikaw, they thought you would fight it dahil nandito ako. Maiiwan niyo ako. But they were wrong kasi after they told you guys, nagulat sila that you didn't even say anything, pumayag ka lang and you actually couldn't wait to get out of here."

Nagbuntonghininga siya, "Now I know why."

I sneaked a peek after he didn't say anything and I see that he runs his fingers through his hair.

I brace myself for his next words.

"I didn't know how to feel, Mi. On one hand nakikisimpatiya ako sa pinagdadaanan nila Tito, I knew na mahirap rin 'yong naging desisyon nila para sa pamilya niyo. Your parents are good people, naiintindihan ko'ng kung may ibang paraan nagawa na nila, pero 'yon ang pinakamabuti para sa inyo that time. And who was I to feel bad about it? I was just your neighbor."

"Mixed emotions ako no'n. I was so angry, and I was sad at the same time. I was angry at myself for not speaking up when I had the chance. So I drank. Naisip ko lang na ang sama ng timing, the night that I finally decide to let you know how I feel, the day that I finally get enough courage to act on how I was feeling biglang hindi na pwede."

His next words were a whisper, "I was going to lose my best friend and my first love."

He takes another deep breath, "I went upstairs to the bedroom and sinabi ko kay Marky that I don't want to be disturbed. I knew then na alam naman niya na I was drinking because you guys were going away. So he let me bring a bottle of vodka upstairs para mag-inom mag-isa."

He chuckles, "Marky being Marky just acted like nothing happened, nag-inom siya ng kaunti but stayed with our friends para hindi nila maisip na may kakaibang nangyayari. He was always good at keeping up appearances."

He cleared his throat, "Noong nandoon ako sa kwarto, I just sat there in the dark drinking, thinking. I came to the point na naisip kong mabuti na rin sigurong hindi ko nasabi sa 'yo, dahil mas masakit ang pag-alis mo if you knew. Mas mahirap magsimula ng bagong buhay when there's someone holding you back. Alam kong you are strong enough to start a new life and you deserve that. Even if I was left behind."

He pulls at his hair, "I thought I dreamt it, Mi."

I knew what he was going to talk about next and I couldn't help but watch him as he tells me the side I've always wanted to find out.

Why did he do that to me?

He clears his throat again, "I thought I dreamt you being there. Akala ko dala lang ng kalasingan ko na na-imagine ko'ng nandoon ka."

He chuckles, "Pinapagalitan mo pa ako kasi nag-inom ako."

"And I thought to myself, siguro dahil paalis ka na or dahil inamin ko na sa sarili ko ang totoo that I imagined you were there with me. To give me one last chance to say or do what I want. Kahit sa imagination ko lang."

He sighs, "And so I give in to the feeling and pulled you close to me. I kissed you like I wanted to kiss you. I wanted you to feel that I meant it, that I'm yours."

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A/N 10/30/2020:

BRB. Crying.