Cheating ShinsouxReader (Completed)

Chapter 22

How long has it been now? Probably a couple of months ... I've lost track of time, to be honest. I'm still broken, but the pieces are slowly coming back together. I don't cry myself to sleep anymore; that's progress, right? I still cry sometimes though. Especially when I get angry, the anger transforms into tears and before I know it, I'm crying. The thing is though, I'm not mad at them. I don't know why, I mean I should be fucking pissed at those two, but I'm not. Even with a clearer head, I can't get angry at them. At the end of the day, Shinsou and Denki are happy. A little too happy if I say so myself.

Whether it be in the hallway at school, or in the common room, Shinsou's attached to Denki by the hip. Whenever I walk by, they're laughing and/or being sweet. The other day, I walked into the common room to see Shinsou watching TV on the green couch with Denki's head on his lap. Denki's eyes were closed and his cheeks were flushed as Shinsou ran his fingers through his hair. It was a pretty cute sight, but the amount of pain it caused was almost unbearable. It may be jealousy, but it's mostly the fact that they moved on so quickly. It's like they don't even feel any remorse, almost as if Denki is flaunting his prize in front of me.

Usually, when they're being affectionate and I walk into the common room, they immediately pull away from each other and call out to me, but I simply ignore them and rush back to my room. Sometimes, I even go to Todoroki's room to distract me and keep me from getting too sad about it. Speaking of Todoroki ... I've noticed I've been leaning on him a lot. Lately, when I feel a wave of depression approaching, I think of him and the darkness disperses a little bit.

He's been opening up to me too ... talking about his family and what it was like for him growing up. I don't think he's ever said this kind of stuff out loud before. Well, he's pretty vocal about how much he despises his father, but that's not what I mean. I often catch myself wondering what kind of a person Todoroki would be if Endeavor was kinder ... or more compassionate. Would he smile more? Would he be able to trust others a little easier? My main question would be if he'd be happier. If his family was centered more around love rather than power ... who would Todoroki be today?

I found myself sighing as I imagined Todoroki with a big smile on his face. Why have I been thinking about him a lot? I don't think about my other friends like this ... not even Midoriya or Kirishima. Todoroki's just different I guess.

Now that I think about it ... what do I think of him? Right now, he's a close friend but it feels ... different. When Kaminari was my best friend, I don't remember feeling like this. When I think of Todoroki, I feel at ease. I feel lighter and the hurt I feel sort of melts away. When he confides in me, it brings me one step closer to being able to confide more in him and therefore learn to trust others again.

Alright, I need to study, I can't keep thinking about Todoroki. I mentally shook myself and took a deep breath as I returned to my assignments. I haven't been this distracted by a person since I realized I was in love with Shinsou. Back then, I'd constantly think about him and find myself smiling at the thought of him.

Wait.

Wait a goddamn minute.

I stopped writing for a second when I came to the realization that the past is repeating itself. Absolutely not. I can't ... I refuse.

I squashed down the feelings and refused to even think of the 'L' word with Todoroki. I can't feel that again.