FWB|| Klance HS AU✓

Chapter 29: 'Why me?'

TW: self-harm. I'm going to start putting a warning right before the triggering stuff happens and right after incase you guys are too sensitive to it and need to skip over it.
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Keith walked into his house, kicking his shoes off on the mat. He slammed the door shut, the sound echoing throughout the house. The house was cold and quiet. Lights were mainly off, leaving Keith in only the lighting from the windows. He leaned against the door with heavy breaths. Keith figured he was home alone, he usually was when he came home from school. Shiro's car wasn't even in the driveway, neither was Adams'. Keith was glad he was home alone right now. There isn't anything in the world he'd rather have then to be alone. Being alone gave him time to clear his head and relax. He had been holding back a river of tears the whole time he was in the car with Lance. Keith didn't want to cry in front of Lance, let alone let Lance know what was going on. It was better if Lance was kept in the dark for now. Keith didn't want Lance to worry for him, so if he didn't know he wouldn't have to worry.

Keith let out a shaky breath before carrying himself up the staircase. He gripped the straps of his backpack tight, head hung low. Keith wanted to cry, he wanted to cry so fucking bad. So that's what he did. As soon as he made into his room he was on the floor in tears. Keith threw his backpack across the room in anger, a cry leaving his lips.

He couldn't fight this feeling anymore. Keith couldn't fight the feeling of defeat. He had been used and touched in a way he didn't want to be touched, by a person he didn't even like to look at. Keith knew it was his fault, it was all his fault. He couldn't fight for himself, couldn't leave or hurt Lance and he couldn't find a way out of that situation. Keith was ashamed and disgusted with himself. He let James Griffin do that to him because he was too scared. Keith had been taken advantage of and there's no taking that back. The memories were burned in the side of his head like a scar, never to fade. Keith would have to live with what he did for the rest of life. He couldn't forget it, as much as he wanted the experience wiped from his memory it couldn't happen. Every second, every minute, every day he would be thinking about it. Thinking about what James did to him, what he had to do. Keith let out cry after cry as the memories flooded his head for what seemed like the millionth time. It was impossible to get away from.

Keith pulled at his hair, tears tracing his cheeks. "Why me?" he cried, his fists clenching into tight balls. "What did I ever do to deserve this? Why me?" Keith continued to yell. He didn't know who he was talking too. Maybe he was talking God, he didn't know. Keith stopped believing in the man above the day his dad died. How could God take such a happy, innocent man's life? To Keith, either God didn't exist or God was ignoring him. Keith just wished that for once in his life someone would finally hear him. Someone out there had to hear those cries for help. The same thing he had been crying for years now. It was like he didn't even exist to the rest of the world. Maybe if someone listened before he wouldn't be in this situation.

"How much longer do I have to fight like this?" Keith asked, his hands running to dry his tears. "Why can't I just be happy, damnit! I fight and fight and fight but it's never fucking enough! Why do I always get pushed back down?" he screamed. Keith clenched his hoodie where it covered his heart, tears pouring from his eyes. He shook his head as he continued to yell. The words he chanted had been floating in his head for years, never once said. Now Keith was yelling at no one about things that were serious, things he kept hidden.

Keith laid on the floor of his bedroom and cried till his head was pounding. His eyes were cold and numb, tears stained his pale face. Keith's hair was going in just about every direction, his lips dry and cracked. The thing Keith needed the most right now was Lance and a hug. Keith would kill just to be wrapped up in those arms. Lance was amazing at comforting people, and he always knew how to cheer Keith up. Keith needed to be cheered up a lot in the that moment. No matter how bad he needed it, he couldn't have it. Keith couldn't let Lance know anything of what happened. Lance would be completely shattered if those pictures got out and he was outted to the school. Keith also didn't want to have to live through getting his photos leaked again. The thought of hurting Lance like that wasn't even registered in Keith's head. He physically couldn't bring himself to cause Lance any sort of pain. Lance just meant way too much to him. He also didn't want Lance to get mad at him for what happened, or get concerned. Keith especially didn't want to leave Lance. If Lance knew that Keith had been sexually assaulted because of him then he'd leave Keith in a heartbeat. Lance couldn't live with himself if he was the cause to such pain, Keith knew that.