FWB|| Klance HS AU✓

Chapter 49: Keith's Journal

February 28, 2021

I don't know how to start something like this. I also don't really know what to write about. You told me I could write about anything, but that doesn't help at all. I just feel like it'd be easier to write in this if I was given something specific to write about. Like feelings or how my day went. Telling me that I could put whatever I want in this book gives me way too many options. I don't know, maybe I'm almost overthinking it. It's just a stupid journal, yet I'm struggling to come up with something to put down.

I'm also not a very interesting person. My days consist of going to school and sleeping. Nothing monumental happens in my life, like ever. The only semi-interesting thing about me is my boyfriend, but I don't think that really counts. I'm not someone worth reading about because honestly, I'm just like everyone else. I'm simple and boring.

That's all I could come up with for the first passage so don't come for me at our next meeting.

March 1, 2021

Today would be my dad's 57th birthday. Since I can write anything, I'm going to write to him.

Dear dad,

Happy birthday, old man. Today, Shiro and I went to visit you. I don't really know what to say about that because what can I say? It was nice seeing your grave? I don't know, that just sounds morbid. Don't get me wrong, I like visiting you, but something about it is so depressing. I mean, it's not like graves are supposed to be exciting and heartwarming but still. Every time we come to see you it's always gloomy and cold. Standing over your grave under a gray sky makes me feel more upset than I should. I guess sometimes I wish we didn't bury you. I feel like we trapped you in the cold and dark. To me, it just seems like I locked you in a cell where you'll spend the rest of eternity. You never liked the cold, yet we still buried you. Maybe the idea of having your ashes in the house felt wrong too, I don't know. If I'm being honest, I never told Shiro how I wanted your funeral to play out. I just let him figure it out by himself because I was too upset to plan something like that. Honestly, I never wanted you to have a funeral. Funerals just seem too depressing. My idea was to have you cremated and scatter your ashes in Port Aransas. You always loved it there, we went every summer. I remember you telling me that it was your favorite place on earth because your dad used to take you there. It would have been a good place to let you rest. I never proposed that idea to Shiro, and honestly, I regret it. I feel like he would have agreed with me, but I still never said anything.

I realized that I was just talking about being morbid when I'm literally being morbid. I'll stop. I feel the need to tell you about where I am today. I guess I just want you to know how I've grown up throughout the past five years. I'm still short, 5'6 to be exact. I'm kind of offended that Shiro ended up getting the majority of your genes. You and Shiro always looked identical to each other, even when he was little. Maybe I ended up being only 5'6 because I did the bare minimum as a child. To be honest, I still do the bare minimum but I get by. I take care of myself though. Sometimes it's hard to keep my head up, but I haven't quit fighting yet. You always did say I was a fighter. There was a long period of time where I didn't believe it, but now I see what you always did. I never understood why you put so much faith in me considering how much trouble I caused as a kid. I guess I finally realized that all you ever wanted for me was to be happy with who I was. You never held me up to the same expectations Shiro does. I think that was because you understood me more than Shiro does. No matter how bad I acted, you never judged me for my mistakes. I think you always saw me for the best I was, even when the rest of the world didn't. It makes me wonder if you saw my mother in me the whole time.

I'm dragging this on, but I feel like there's a million things I need to tell you. Like I'm finally starting to do good in school, it only took twelve years. I still hate school with every bone in my body, but I learned that I can't keep getting by on D's. Maybe it's the fact that I want to make Shiro proud of me. I can't remember Shiro ever saying he was proud of something I did, and I guess I'm tired of constantly disappointing him. Crazy right? What happened to the boy who couldn't care less about what others thought? Well, I grew up. I experienced things that forced me to grow up. There's still a lot for me to learn, but that's just life, right? We're constantly learning. Another thing, I have a boyfriend now. His name is Lance and he's a huge dork. You'd love him, I know you would. He's not the smartest, but he has a big heart. He's the type of guy you could talk about sports with. I know you hated how Shiro and I couldn't care less about athletic activities. Lance would definitely sit and watch the Superbowl with you. He knows how to cook and take care of himself too. You guys would get along. And don't worry, Shiro has already taken the liberty of scaring the shit out of him. He won't break my heart, I promise. I also have a dog. His name is Kosmo and he's a husky. He's only a couple of months old and he already takes up half of my bed. I love him though, he's my little apprentice.