FWB|| Klance HS AU✓

Chapter 39: 'J-James and Lotor'

Lance's eyes grew wide as Keith smiled, tears rushing from his eyes. It was a soft smile, cheeks rosey and eyes closed. What Lance didn't understand was why Keith was crying and smiling like that. Was he upset? Could they possibly tears of joy? But what was there that was joyful. Then Lance realized the hurt in that smile. His eyes slowly fluttered open and Lance saw it all. He saw the heart break and pain in those watery eyes. Lance's heart dropped looking at his lover. He could see every single emotion written on Keith's face. Lance saw the sadness, the regret, the fear, and all the pain. He felt urged to comfort the older in anyway he could. Just when Lance thought Keith was finally done crying, he gets this broken expression. Lance couldn't stand looking at Keith when he was so upset. It was his job to dry those tears and fix that broken heart. He was the one who was supposed to fix it. Lance rushed to dry Keith's cheeks, making Keith laugh a little. His eyes went wide at the sound of the olders laugh, but Keith's face still held the same hurt. What was Lance supposed to do to help?

"Promise you won't hate me?" Keith asked, his voice low and mellow toned. He closed his eyes, nuzzling his wet cheek in Lance's hand.

Lance gulped. What was he talking about? What did Keith do? Lance hasn't been hinted to a single thing that has been happening with Keith within the past month. Ever since Keith started to get sick last month, then he started getting distant. It all fell apart when Lance saw his cuts, but he confessed stupidly. They started dating and things looked up. Keith was still a little pushy and quiet, but Lance learned not to pry. He said he was getting a therapist anyways, Keith even talked about it to Shiro. Lance knew he meant it when Keith said he was going to do this. Yesterday went perfectly, Lance's parents really like Keith. It was something Keith was very concerned about, but it went well. Then today was perfect to Lance. Keith seemed so happy. Ever since they woke up Keith was all smiles, even at the dinner table with Shiro. What told Lance that he was really fine was watching that last Christmas movie with him. Cuddling on the couch with Kosmo between their legs, talking and laughing. Lance figured Keith wouldn't mind having sex tonight. Maybe he was just being selfish and lustful, he didn't quite know. The last thing he expected was for Keith to have such a reaction, it broke Lance's heart. He truly knew Keith wasn't okay.

"I could never hate you, Clem," Lance reminded the older. He felt like this was something Keith should already know, but Lance wasn't going to blame him for letting his mind get the best of him.

Keith cried harder, his hands becoming shaky. "I-I know I'm not the best boyfriend, but I'm trying. I know I d-don't call you baby or like to come to your games. I know I take your clothes and cry a lot. I know I l-lie to you and push you away, but I love you. I love you and I've never loved like this before... I don't ever want to lose you," Keith cried. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, a sob escaping his lips. Keith didn't want to lose his boyfriend because of what he was about to say. He just wanted to give Lance what he wants, which was honesty. The risk of losing Lance laid heavy on Keith's mind, but he hoped everything would be okay. Losing him would hurt Keith worse then anything ever has. "Y-You taught me how to love, and I don't want to lose that."

Lance intertwined his fingers with Keith's, a worried smile apparent on his face. "You'll always have me, I promise. What's got you talking like this?" Lance asked, pulling Keith closer. Keith hummed, pushing his face in the youngers neck. Lance could feel the hot tears drip on to his shoulder, silent sobs coming from his lover. His heart beat quickened, becoming more concerned with each passing second. All this emotion had been building up inside of Keith, and Lance didn't know what he was about to hear. "You're worrying me, Clem."

It's like the words were stuck in the back of Keith's throat. He was so desperate to just say what he wanted to say, but Keith didn't know how. Fear that kept developing was holding him back, keeping the words concealed inside. He knew he shouldn't be scared but he was. The thing he didn't want to do was relive his experiences. Keith knew Lance would have questions and then he'd have to explain. He had a hard time even looking at James and Lotor, it was becoming too anxiety triggering for him. Talking about what he had to do for James made Keith's throat dry and his heart race. He was used to living with the memories knowing that they now haunt him. Memories were different then sitting there having to explain everything. Keith wished there was a way he could just tell Lance everything without having to verbally say a word. It'd be so much easier if he could do that, but Lance deserved a full explanation. Keith knew his boyfriend deserved to know everything that happened word for word, but confessing to what he did was easier said then done. There was so much circling through Keith's mind that he couldn't even come up with the words.