Obey Me! Characters x Male! Reader • 1 | Closed! |

💙 Can't Cope 💙

Context: You haven't been feeling the best and try to hide yourself away, however, Lucifer decides to check up on you and see what's wrong. . .

Request made by: aquariumz13

Caution: This chapter talks about suicidal thoughts, depression and self-harm.

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(M|n) laid his head on his desk. He couldn't cope with this lesson anymore. He tried so hard to focus. He really did. Alas, he couldn't do it. He didn't want to do this anymore. He'd rather spend his days curled up in bed.

He thought that he'd finally overcome these feelings. He used to feel them in the human world before he was transported to the Devildom. However, spending time with the brothers made him feel like that he left that dark part of his life behind. . .

(M|n) shut his eyes, not knowing what he felt at this moment. He didn't wish to tell any of the brothers. He didn't want to impart his worries onto them, and he didn't want to burden them with this emotional baggage.

He was used to dealing with it alone anyway. He'd found a certain coping mechanism whenever he fell into this dark mood. He wasn't proud of it, but it was the only way to quell his troubling thoughts whenever he felt empty inside.

His eyes slowly drifted to the old scars littering his inner wrists. He began to gnaw on his lower lip. He'd fought the urges to cut again for so long. Why were these impulses coming back now? Why?!

(M|n) jolted when he heard the teacher.

"(M|n), sit up! I will not have you being lazy in my classes." (M|n) smiled bitterly, feeling like he was on the verge of tears, but he couldn't understand why exactly. He frowned. It was because he was lazy that he was reacting like this, and nothing more. . .

He hated feeling this so much. He'd much rather die than to fall into depression all over again. It was the worst years of his life.

He never told the brothers that he previously cut to cope, and that there was a time in his life where he couldn't function for weeks. It was miraculous that he'd managed to escape those feelings. Unfortunately, only for a short while. The feelings always came back, and he hated that.

(M|n) sat straighter, though it took all his effort to do so. He wanted the lesson to end as quickly as possible. He knew that for a fact that today they would be getting their tests back, and that he didn't do so well. The reason being because he didn't try hard enough.

Even with the all-nighters he pulled, he knew for a fact that he didn't succeed. It was like his mind shut down the moment the test paper was in front of him. Just imagining the paper being handed back to him filled him with anxiety. He didn't even want to look at it.

The dreaded time came when the papers were handed out. (M|n)'s nails dug into his wrist as he waited for his own paper to be given. He felt nauseous, like he was going to throw up. None of the brothers knew how dark his depression could get.

Not only did (M|n) cut, but he also hardly ate or drank water, he laid in bed for the majority of the day, only getting up to go to the bathroom. He knew that he shouldn't live like that but sometimes he couldn't fight the feeling to just give up trying in life.

He had contemplated many times whether ending his worthless life would be better, so he wouldn't have to feel this emptiness growing inside of him as the years passed. He always argued internally about that though. The brothers. . . They kept him alive. Their kindness, their love, their goofiness.