Chapter 49 - Funeral

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CHAPTER 49

FUNERAL


I stayed inside the bathroom for hours. Nakaupo lang ako sa sahig, yakap yakap ang hita ko habang umiiyak. Somehow, my eyes ran out of tears. Napagod na rin ako kaya tumayo na ako at lumabas na ng kwarto ko.


Didiretso na sana ako upang humiga sa kama ko nang matigil ako. I froze when I saw Zin still seating on my bed. Nakayuko siya, tila nagiisip ng malalim.

Maliwanag ang pagkakarinig ko ng padabog niyang sinarado ang pintuan kanina. He left me.


"I thought you'll be at Audrey's by now." It wasn't a question and I'm sure he could clearly hear bitterness from my raspy voice. "Bakit bumalik ka? May naiwan ka?"


Zin slowly looked up and stared into my eyes. I saw from the expression on his face that like me, he's not okay. "I didn't leave," pag-amin niya. "I just went to my car to get some air, to think, and to calm down."


Nanatili akong nakatayo lang doon, nakikiramdam kung anong susunod na mangyayari. I'm so tired. Ayoko ng magaway kami.

"Please don't just stand there," malumanay na sabi niya. "If you don't want to be near me, I'll go stand but you have to take a sit. Mangangalay ka niyan."


I didn't want us to fight over a simple thing. Baka kahit sa pagupo at pagtayo ay pagtalunan pa namin. I quietly went to sit at the end of my bed. Malayo sa kanya. Tumingin ako sa mga kamay ko at hindi umimik.

A long moment of silence engulfed the whole place. None of us wanted to speak.


"Bakit nandito ka pa?" panimula ko pagkatapos ng ilang minuto.

Round 2 na naman ba ito ng paninisi niya sa'kin? Will he ever get tired of blaming me? I don't think so.


"I'm sorry." Napatingin ako sa kanya sa gulat. I did not expect an apology from him. He sounded sincere but I'm not quite sure what to feel about that.

"Sorry for what?"

"For being such a jerk."

I pursed my lips. "Jerk? You were being an asshole," I honestly said.

Natawa siya ng kaunti ngunit alam kong kaya niya lang ginawa iyon ay upang gumaan ang tension sa paligid naming dalawa. We were both so angry, so...displeased, clashing at our strong emotions. Kung hindi ako nag-walk out at hindi siya lumabas ng kwarto ko ay baka mas lalo lang kami nagsigawan.


"Yeah. I was," mahinang sambit niya. "I realized how I sounded earlier. How my words might have hurt you. I should have believed you when you said it wasn't you."

"But you didn't and you still don't."


He suddenly stood up and walked towards me. Lumuhod siya sa harapan ko at hinawakan ang mga kamay ko. "Naniniwala na 'kong hindi ikaw ang nanakit kay Audrey. You won't be crying for hours if you're guilty. I'm really sorry, Caylee."

Imbis matuwa ay nagtaka ako. What changed? Bakit biglang nagbago ang isip niya?


"Are you only saying that for the sake of our relationship?" matapang na tanong ko. Walang kwenta kung palalabasin niyang naniniwala siya sa'kin kung hindi pa rin naman talaga. It's like he's only fooling himself.

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