Twisted Chaos

Aria

Finally, he made a move. I wasn't expecting him to smack my ass like that, but damn I'm glad he did. I know exactly what I've been doing, I've been teasing him. That's my game. Tease them until they can't stand it. I enjoy making men crazy and I always get the ones that I want. There is something different about him though. Something I have never encountered. I have never felt a feeling as intense as I do when I'm near him. When our lips were almost touching it felt as if two planets had collided, as if nothing else mattered. The crazy morning I have had, the huge load of work I need to do, the bullshit with Stephen, none of it mattered. All that mattered was him and I, right then and there. I think my house could be burning down and as long as he is near, I don't think I would care. It's unnerving the way my body reacts to him. Every ounce of my being wants to cling to him. It's complete madness. I have to get out of here, before I get charged with raping a cop. I laugh at the thought. I need to focus and go deal with the shit storm waiting downstairs. I know Stephen is going to be suspicious. Not that I should care, he has no room to judge me or get pissy. It's not like we're dating. We're best friends with the occasional fuck. I don't care that he's out getting pussy, that's fine. He is free to fuck who he wants. I am however, pissed that he left me unattended and put me in danger over some whore. He gets jealous of me dating or if I fuck other guys, which is bullshit. I know he loves me and deep down I love him too. We just can't be together; at least not like he wants. It's just so complicated. There are things about me that Stephen doesn't know. Things I am afraid he won't understand. I'm just not willing to risk our friendship and what we have. 

I lead Jace down the hallway, back to the stairs and head down. Before we get to the bottom, I stop him, reach in his pocket and pull out his phone. Quickly, I save my number to his contacts, then hand it back. He looks at me with a mischievous grin and says, "I'll be in touch. There are some things I think you and I need to handle sometime soon." The sex goddess inside me is doing somersaults. He is so dominant, and I love it. I had a dom in my life before, his name was Damon. It was great, until he wanted to be not only dominant sexually, but also controlling and manipulative in all aspects of my life. I loved him and I loved what we had, until he broke my trust in ways that I never thought possible. He is possibly one of the reasons I have such a hard time committing to one person. When you have to deal with the shit that I did from him, it changes your whole perspective on love and relationships. Stephen hated him. At first, I thought it was from jealousy, turns out it was his protective instincts taking over. It didn't end well for Damon. Stephen almost killed him the night he put me through a table. That was just a bad night all around. I try to forget it all the time. That was the night Stephen hit me. I have forgiven him for what he did, but I would be lying if I didn't say that it's in the back of my mind sometimes. I'm one of those people that forgives but never forgets. I know Stephen didn't mean it and I know he won't do it again, but it brought back a lot of memories for me. 

My childhood wasn't exactly all sunshine and rainbows. My father was married to a wicked bitch of a woman. She was physically, mentally and sexually abusive to my older brother and me. That has had a major effect on how I am today. The things I went through were things that would ruin anyone. That woman took something from me that I will never get back. She is the one person in the world that I cannot forgive. I won't. May God forgive me for holding onto that hatred, but it's not something I can let go of. Stephen knows all about my childhood. He is one of the only one, other than the ones involved. Anna doesn't even know everything. She knows that I was physically abused but she doesn't know about the sexual abuse or to the extent of what happened. It's not something I burden people with. That's my weight to bear no one else's. I told Stephen because he has demons too. We both have them and ours play well together. We have a mutual understanding of what's fucked up in each other. We not only accept it we embrace it and build each other up from it. I love him for accepting my darkness as part of his own. I might not date him, but he is the light to my darkness, and I am the same to him. I've never felt confident enough in anyone to share all of me. I wear a mask of control to make everyone think I don't have demons and that I can handle anything. It's exhausting hiding parts of your past from the world, when they sometimes eat you up inside. For some reason, I feel like Jace sees through me. He sees past the mask I wear as a dominant, aggressive woman. I can't explain the way I feel, but I think I may have found the one man that can satisfy me in every aspect and accept me for me.