Mean to Be (Mean #2)

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Five
Sorry

It's all my fault.

I know I'm playing a huge part in this accident. If it weren't for me, all of this wouldn't have happened. If it weren't for the decision that I made, Grant wouldn't be in the hospital. If it weren't for me...

Nangingilid ang mga luha sa mga mata ko. Pakiramdam ko ay namamanhid ang dibdib ko. Para akong nasasaktan pero hindi ako sigurado dahil wala akong maramdaman. Alam kong paiyak na ako pero maging iyon ay hindi ko magawa dahil sa pamamanhid ng puso at buong katawan ko.

It's my fault.

Grant's on his way to me before everything happened because the accident happened one block away from our subdivision. He was on his way to see me. He got in a car accident because of me.

My fault.

There were plenty of missed calls on my phone from Grant. And the last missed call was a second before the incident happened.

My fault.

Grant was slightly inebriated, and I already knew it the moment I heard his voice when he called me but I chose to take him for his word. I could have asked him where he is. I could have asked him what his problem was. Dapat ay pinuntahan ko siya katulad ng ginawa ko dati at inihatid siya pauwi pero hindi ko iyon ginawa dahil ayaw kong maisip ni Rush na hindi siya ang pinili ko.

Dahil ayaw kong magalit si Rush sa akin. Nagawa kong baliwalain ang tawag ni Grant kahit na alam ko nang may mali. Nagawa kong baliwalain si Grant kahit na nag-alala ako sa kanya at gusto kong makasigurado na ayos lang siya.

It's all my damn fault.

Kung sana ay mapaniwala ko ang sarili ko na hindi ako ang dahilan kung bakit naglasing si Grant. Kung sana ay kinausap ko na siya nang unang beses siyang tumawag sa akin. Kung sana ay pinuntahan ko siya para makisigurado na ayos lang siya. Kung sana ay hindi niya ako pinuntahan para makita. Kung sana ay hindi siya tumawag sa akin...

This accident would have been avoided... If it weren't for me.

My fists were both clenched tightly on my lap. I couldn't loosen my grip because I know the moment I do, I would end up crying and I know I won't stop. I was biting my bottom lip as hard as I could that I can even taste blood from it. I couldn't find it in me to release my lip because I know that if I do, a pained whimper would escape my throat.

I was on auto-pilot when we reached the hospital. We were welcomed with Tito Christian's sullen look and Tita Vanessa who's a sobbing wreck.

Mas lalong nadagdagan ang guilt na nararamdaman ko nang niyakap ako ni Tita Vanessa nang napakahigpit. Sa bawat pag-iyak ni Tita Vanessa ay parang sinasaksak ang puso ko. Her loud wails are the grief that I couldn't find it in me to unleash. To them, I was still in shock. When the truth is, I was overridden with both misery and guilt.

"Does Rush know?" Narinig kong tanong ni Daddy. Hindi makapagsalita ng maayos si Tita at Mommy dahil pinapangunahan sila ng mga luha nila.

"I called him."

Nang maisagot iyon ni Tito ay wala na akong ibang naintindihan. Naririnig ko sila pero hindi ko sigurado kung ano ang gagawin ko sa mga impormasyon na nakukuha ko. Ikinuwento ni Tito Christian ang buong pangyayari.

According to a by-stander witness, an over speeding car made an illegal overtake and attempted to past Grant's car. Paliko na si Grant nang sinubukan siyang lampasan ng nagmamadaling sasakyan na nasa likuran niya. The speed of the other car affected the impact of the crash.

Wala pa kami sa hospital ay nakausap na nila Tita at Tito ang mga police tungkol sa aksidente. Grant being drunk won't be an issue because his alcohol level wasn't classified as legally drunk and the witness can testify to Grant's decent driving. The over speeding driver who also happened to be legally drunk is in for an expensive lawsuit. Kahit na sinisisi ko ang sarili ko sa nangyari kay Grant ay hindi ko pa rin maiwasan na lamunin ng galit sa isang driver na iyon. Hindi ko magawang maawa sa nangyari sa kanya, kahit na pareho sila ni Grant na nasa operating room ay hindi ko makuhang makuntento.