Mean to Be (Mean #2)

Chapter Eleven

Happy New Year!

Chapter Eleven
Push

"Can't you make an exception? It's been only a day." I tried to sound as calm as possible even when all I wanted to do is shout and throw everything that's in my way. But I know that throwing a tantrum, even if I badly want one, isn't going to help with my situation. Especially if I'm trying to negotiate.

I went straight to my insitute's office. Dapat ay kahapon pa ako nagpunta para ayusin ang schedule ko pero hindi bukas ang office kahapon. I don't have any classes today but I made an effort to wake up early and drove myself to the campus.

It's been a day since Rush appeared in my Philippine Literature class. The whole one and half hour of that class was pure torture. It was so awkward that I couldn't even move in my seat. Hindi niya ako kinausap. Hindi ako makatingin sa kanya kaya hindi ko alam kung tinapunan ba niya ako ng tingin. I was so hyperly aware of his presence that I would stiffen in my seat whenever I feel him move. It's like my body is tuned to his. It was horrible.

"There are no available classes for Philippine Literature anymore." I mentally groaned. "If you want, you can drop the subject and just take it on your second semester."

I can do that but I already had my second semester planned out. Aside from finishing my requirements for graduation, ang on the job training ko na lang ang iintindihin ko. I want that experience to be my focus next semester at ayaw kong pumunta pa ako ng campus para lang sa isang minor subject.

Another groan erupted from my mouth. I should have took that subject when I had the chance. Malay ko ba na magiging kaklase ko doon si Rush! Magkaiba ang institute namin, let alone our course! Hindi ko talaga alam kung ano ang trip niya sa buhay at napunta siya sa isang engineering class. At sa mismong class ko pa samantalang madami namang ibang option. 

Why not his own course? Kung wala ng available slot, pupwede naman siguro sa tourism class na lang o di kaya sa ibang course na kahit papaano ay malapit sa institute niya. Pero hindi. Heaven will cry if it wasn't in the same class that I am in.

Iniisip ko na baka sinadya ni Rush iyon. That he knows firsthand that I'll be taking my Philippine Literature, and knowing that he has the same subject in his curriculum, he grabbed that opportunity and took the same section. Hypothetically speaking, the million dollar question would be 'Why?'. Why would he put up with that kind of trouble? He didn't care about me anymore. Yun ang sinabi niya sa akin. 

If it's not the case, then it's the biggest coincidence of the century. And maybe it was just really a coincidence. Maybe he didn't know that I was in that class when he took it. Siguro ay nahuli siyang kumuha ng schedule kaya nawalan siya ng klaseng pwedeng pasukan sa sariling course niya. Na maging sa ibang napakaraming courses na pagpipilian ay naubusan rin siya. Na baka may conflict of schedule sa ibang available classes kaya wala siyang choice kundi ang class kung saan naroon ako ang kinuha niya. I was making excuses for the sake of my sanity. Ayaw kong umasa na sinadya nga iyon ni Rush. Ayaw ko. 

I've assumed that he still cared about me not so long ago and look where that got me. It cost me another heartbreak. My heart's barely fixed and it's still not ready for another. Baka sa susunod na mabasag iyon ay hindi na ulit mabuo ulit.