Mean to Be (Mean #2)

Chapter Two

Chapter Two
Choosing Him

When I heard Rush left the Philippines, all I could think about is how I want to get the first flight to New York and follow him. My mind was set on that as soon as Grant and I got back to Manila. I can still remember how in denial I was, how angry I was at Grant and how I called him a liar. After throwing all my rage towards him, I was a blubbering wreck.

“Tell me you’re lying, Grant. Tell me that isn’t true.” Hindi sumagot sa akin si Grant and that made me feel worse. I want to believe he isn’t lying but I could tell that he wasn’t. Oh, God. It hurt so bad that I badly wished that I was dreaming.

I cried so hard that I can’t even remember how we got home. Grant just stopped the car in front of our house. I got out and locked myself in my room.

I stayed inside my room for a whole day, even my parents can’t convince me to come out. They don’t know what’s wrong with me and I don’t want to tell them. I don’t want my weakness to be exposed. On the second day, Grant managed to get himself in. I think he asked for the spare key and my parents probably think we had a fight, that’s why they let him in and talk to me.

He found me packing my things that exact day. I wasn’t aware his presence until he called for my attention. I was too busy throwing everything that I need in my luggage to even notice him.

“Maxwell,” Hearing his voice made me jump. It disrupted the war going on inside my head. I stopped from arranging my clothes and allowed myself to look at him.

“Grant.” I said in a hoarse voice. I haven’t talked for about a day. Puro iyak lang ang ginawa ko kaya nahirapan akong magsalita.

“What are you doing?” He asked in a whisper. Grant sounded like he was afraid to talk too loud—that it would end up breaking me. Or maybe he already assumed an answer and he’s afraid to hear it from me firsthand.

“I’m going… I’m going to New York. I’m going to follow Rush. I’m going to ask him to come back.” I can’t even construct a proper paragraph. I was just mumbling the words that made sense to me.

“You’re going to follow him?” Hurt was evident on his voice but I was hurting too much for myself to even feel hurt for him.

I blinked the tears that were threatening to fall. “I am.”

“But he left you, Maxwell… He left you. Why are you going after someone who left you?”

That was a huge slap to me but I was thankful for it. Napaupo ako sa kama ko nang marinig ko iyon kay Grant. He’s right after all. Rush did left me. Umalis siya ng walang paalam sa akin. Umalis siya at iniwan ako. Why would I go after someone who left without saying goodbye? Why would I fly across the globe for someone who left without considering how I felt with him gone?

It took me two weeks before I stopped feeling miserable. The week after, all I could feel was resentment towards him. My mind settled on how he left me. Yun lang ang itinatak ko sa isipan ko at wala ng iba. Iniwan niya ako. That’s the truth after all. He just left.