Mean to Be (Mean #2)

Chapter Thirty-Six

Chapter Thirty-Six
So Jealous

I am hurt and angry at my world. I want to shout and make a scene. I want to trample on everything that is on my way. I drove from the De la Fuente's to the Herrera's with teary eyes that were caused not by pain but frustration. My knuckles were white from gripping too hard on the steering wheel.

Itinabi ko muna ang galit na nararamdaman ko at ibinuhos ang buong atensyon ko sa trabaho ko. Humingi pa ako ng extra works kay Mr. Herrera para lang palipasin ang oras at matapos ang hapon na iyon. Kung wala kasi akong ginagawa ay baka maisipan kong balikan ang mansanas doon at gawing fruit salad. Makasuhan pa ako ng fruit-ated murder. God, I'm so pissed that I'm even attempting to humor myself. It's so sad because it's not even funny!

I was so thwarted. Even the anger inside me is building up. It didn't help that I was holding every livid emotion inside. I'm like a dysfunctional grenade that's going to explode when given the unfortunate chance.

As soon as the day ended, I made it my mission to ran towards Kade and ask him to get drunk with me. Hindi na niya tinanong pa kung bakit gusto ko maglasing. Alam na niya agad kung sino ang dahilan. The only question that I know he's itching to ask is why all of the sudden. I know he's dying to ask the words, but he's just stopping himself from doing it.

Kade tried to convince me to go home first and change into party clothes, or street clothes, but I didn't want to do anything but get drunk. I want to drink my anger away. I want to drown my frustration through the trusty alcoholic beverages. My mind's set on getting completely wasted.

My dearest friend made me eat something first, before we headed out to a club that is owned by someone he knows. Hindi pa iyon bukas nang makarating kami pero dahil kakilala nga ni Kade ang may-ari ay pinapasok na kami at sinimulan na namin ang pag-inom.

Our drinks were light at first, since we were both trying to pass time until the real party comes and clocking in. Walang nagsalita sa amin buong oras na umiinom kami. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang iniisip ni Kade, pero ako, iniisip ko ang mga nangyari kanina sa building ng De la Fuente.

Ngayon ay hindi ko alam kung ano ang mas nasaktan sa akin, kung ang puso ko ba o ang ego ko. My ego was badly bruised, that's for sure. My heart's broken, but it's been broken for quite a long time now that I'm not even sure if any further damage can still be done. I don't doubt if it's still capable of hurting, because I'm still in emotional pain. I wouldn't be drinking my sorrow and grief here if it wasn't the case.

After downing on our third bottle, only did I decide to talk.

"Do you think I should give him up?" it was long silence before Kade reacted to my question with a heavy sigh.

"Do you think you should?"

I bit my lip, staring at the bottle on the table. My feelings only got worse as I realized the answer. "I know I should, but I can't." I shook my head, staring back to Kade who's watching me as I speak. "I love him too much to just give him up."

Our conversation shortly ended there and we just spent the rest of the hour, drinking in silence. There weren't any words left to say. I asked him a question, his opinion, but I ended up answering it myself. It was a hopeless question, anyway.

It was around eight when people started to pour in the club. That's also the time when the real party started. Kade and I stopped drinking light liquors and started taking shots. It was quarter to ten when I declared that I'm already at eight point five, scaling my drunkness from one to ten.

Kade and I danced, laughing in between at everything. My head was spinning and that made me laugh too. Everything can be hilarious with the right doze of alcohol. It felt great. I don't think I've laughed this long and hard for a very long time.