You're My Umbrella

A boy from that night

Both of the boys were back at their dorm. Turbo told Kaownah to use the bathroom first and get change. He was drenched by the heavy rain for too long. He should get change first if he didn't want to catch a cold. Kaownah just silently listen to Turbo and went into the bathroom. Turbo on the other side was less wet than Kaownah. So instead he just grabbed his towel and wipe his hair.

After Kaownah has done changing, he went back into the room and sat on his bed. His hand is still trembling. Not sure if it was from the cold or because he has been crying too much or because he was afraid. Probably because of all of them.

"Are you okay?" Turbo asked. He knew it's cliche and stupid to ask something like that. But, he didn't know how to start a conversation.

"A little," Kaownah replied. His hand crossed over his chest while gripping his arms tightly.

"You should go to sleep. Get some rest." Turbo said and Kaownah nodded. He laid down and got under his blanket. Turbo's eyes were on him all the time.

"Will you be able to sleep?" Turbo asked. Kaownah was silent and it seems like he was contemplating for a few seconds before nodding swiftly in response.

"Aren't you supposed to be at your house? How come you are here.. and even found me..." Kaownah's trembling voice was immediately cut by Turbo.

"Don't you think this is a shared responsibility?" Turbo eyes were fixed on Kaownah. They were sharp as if it could cut anything right now though his voice remained in monotone.

'Is he angry?' Kaownah thought to himself.

"Huh?" Came Kaownah's short reply.

"Both of that guy. Tharn and Type. This is not your fault alone!!" Turbo said as his voice getting colder.

"But I'm wrong. I do something bad to them." Kaownah immediately denied it. He is now sitting on his bed facing Turbo who was still sitting on his bedside.

"But are they different? Said he will always be there for you when all he did is just ditching you." Turbo scoffed and Kaownah started getting heat up.

"You know nothing! It's his life! He can do whatever he wants and I deserve what I got. He should have a better future and a happy life."

"So do you! He is not the only one who is special. Why are they being silent and not saying anything? Shouldn't they do something to not let these things get out of hand? Do they not even think about other's life? Then how are they different from the former you? They are nothing but rubbish." Turbo also starting to raging up. He has had enough of Kaownah defending them and keep blaming himself.

"You shouldn't talk like that about him!" Kaownah shouted. He has reached his own limit.

"I know! I know he holds so many values in your life. But, he is the reason why you keep hurting yourself until now! Since he came into your life and even after he had left your life. You are hurting." Turbo replied firmly. Almost shouting as he wanted to release the anger he has been suppressing inside.

"But I hurt them first..."

"I know... Not very well but I still know." Turbo interrupted as Kaownah left speechless and silent.

"You suffered a lot because you regret it so much, you love him so much that you blame yourself. You let the nightmare haunted you every night because you can't forgive yourself." Kaownah was shocked by the statement given by Turbo. It's like Turbo really understand him, see through him. Like he really knew everything about him.

"It's true that you hurt them first and you regret it so much. But that doesn't mean you have to keep hurting yourself too. It's not like you are born that way. Is it wrong to ask to be loved? You just don't know you well enough. You are actually very kind and caring inside but you can't see it. Because you have been so lonely for too long, you don't have that one person who will tell you how amazing you are."

Kaownah's eyes glued on Turbo. Everything he said just made him speechless and on top of that, he felt like Turbo's voice is very familiar. But he can't remember it well because his mind is now occupied with other things. He was still angry that Turbo said something bad about Tharn.

"But–"

"I understand that if you wanted to defend him. After all, he is your friend, the one that you treasure a lot. Someone that you love. But I just hope you could love yourself more." Turbo stated.

"That's all I hope for you. So stop letting anyone hurts you, even yourself. Everyone deserves a better life." He continued. Genuine care was evident on his face.

Kaownah stared deeply into Turbo's eyes. For once, other than his sister, he felt loved. He felt care from someone. He kept staring at Turbo until he realised. It was the same voice at the dinner party last year. Does that mean, Turbo is the man from that night?

"Are you the masked boy?" Kaownah asked as he stepped closer to Turbo. Turbo looked up at Kaownah in confusion. He leaned back to keep the distance between them.

"What do you mean?" Turbo asked back. All of his anger vanished to nowhere as it was replaced by the complexity.

"It's you, isn't it?"  Kaownah asked again but Turbo was so confused. So Kaownah collected his memory to that night again before speaking up.

"One people hate you, or even the whole world hates you... Life still goes on. There's nothing special about being hated. So don't act like the world is ending now, because the real end is yet to come."