My baby was taken away to be cleaned so I took this time to reply to Anne who was still on the phone, "But.. he's alright ... right?" She stood quiet listening to the other line. I looked over at Harry worried out of my mind, "He's fine right?" Harry cleared his throat and looked the other way, now i was irritated, "WILL ONE OF YOU PLEASE ANSWER ME." I said loudly but it was not a shout and Anne hung up the phone. "Liam says they don't know yet sweety, he was on his way over to his home when he saw this huge accident blocking the way, he got off when he realized that one of the cars were in fact Zayn's. He was talking to the police right now, they're working on trying to get him out of the car at this point they don't even know if he's alive, from what Liam says both cars looked pretty bad and Zayn's was flipped over."
I put my hand over my mouth and started to cry.. no. no. no. this can't be happening not now, not the day that is supposed to be one the best. He has to be ok. He needs to see Christofer. He needs to be here. He needs to be breathing. And hell, if anything happens to that boy it will be all my fault. He was on his way to see my baby, per my request. I just don't even know what i would do if he was gone. Me and him have grown so much more closer over these past 9 months and not having him there at birthday parties, holidays, and just any day would just feel so, empty. To top all this off the doctor came up to me, without my baby in his hands. He cleared his throat and put his hands together, "Now, I don't want you two to worry but it looks like Christofer is a bit.. sick. He'll have to be watched and monitored very closely. His breathing and heartbeat are off and at this point we don't know if he'll resond properly with the help we'll give him but we'll do the best we can"
I felt my whole world come crashing down. There was no way that either of these boys could leave me. Me and Christofer have come all this way, worked through our scare and he was now finally out and for what? just to be taken back? No. He was a fighter he can't leave me and neither could Zayn. The kids needed their Uncle Zayn, hell the boys needed Zayn. As i sat there bawling like a baby Harry came over and laid next me, holding me.
Time went on and Eleanor and Anne had left the room. Niall, Darcy , Tyler, Harry, Louis and Liam were all in my room. All we knew now was that Zayn had been rushed to the same hospital i was in but they weren't letting anyone see him or know what was going on with him. The boys played with Tyler as I laid silently cuddling with Darcy as she slowly was falling asleep. I had been crying this whole time and Harry finally went to go check on our child and see if he could get someone to tell him what was going on with Zayn. The best way to describe what i was feeling was numb. I didn't know what i felt, all i knew was that i couldn't function not knowing if either of them were ok. I wrapped my arm around Darcy and slowly drifted off to sleep.
**
Next thing i remember is waking up to Harry talking to the doctor, "It's fine Mr. Styles, sometimes after birth the women go through a depression but she should get over it with the right attention and care." "What do you mean she'll just get over it with the right care!? She's been laying in that bed for the past 4 days! She barely even wakes up, she hardly eats and look her she looks terrible, what right care is she getting!?" "Mate, just calm down go get some coffee or something" I heard Louis say comfortingly. There was a pause then I heard Harry leave but before i could turn around to show them i was up i heard Louis talk to the doctor, "I swear if something happens to her, her baby or Zayn so help me i will make your life a living hell. These people are my family and i can't stand to see them like this all because of you and your staff not doing your jobs correctly!"
I smiled but it hurt a little, my lips were chapped and dry from how little water i was getting. "Please calm down, i'll tell you what i told your friend. We're doing all that we can but we can't control her depression, or the way her baby reacts to the medicine we're trying to give to him, and we definitely have no control over the way your friend Zayn recovers, that's all up to them and whether or not they're actually fighting to stay.. alive." I turned over with tears in my eyes, "Brother. Zayn isn't just a friend, he's our brother. And how can you honestly say any of us aren't trying to stay alive, do you think i like feeling this way? do you think i like spending my days in this bed not being able to think about anything other than my baby and my brother that are in their situations because of me." "Jaz.." Louis said quietly but i just turned over crying even harder, "Just get out please, both of you."
Harry came in and saw me crying, "What did you guys say to her!?" He rushed over to me with furrowed eyebrows spilling hot coffee on himself, "Ow! Shit!" He screeched and i couldn't help but laugh at him. He looked over glaring at me. "I'm sorry babe, you're just such a dork" I said lightly putting my hand on his cheek and softly laughing at how cute he was. "Well i'm glad i got you to smile again" His voice was almost a whisper as his eye stared right through mine. "I've really missed that smile of yours" With that he gave me a soft kiss on the lips. As much as i wanted to feel the way i use to, i couldn't, my emotions were gone.
I looked around the room "They're all gone don't worry" he said softly. I grunted while slowly trying to sit up. He helped and i decided i wanted to actually get out of bed and go see my babies. "Ok almost there" Harry said leading me to where I could see Christofer. And i immediately regretted it. He had wires all over and he was so tiny and looked so uncomfortable he was barely even moving. I let out a few tears, "Where's Darcy and Tyler?" I said not wanting to see what i did to our kid. "Liam's going to bring them up right now, they all just went to go see Zayn." I gasped looking over at him, "He's awake? Why didn't anyone tell me?" He looked down and shook his head, "No, he's not awake.. he looks horrible and is unconscious but the doctor thinks if we talk to him on a daily basis then maybe we'll eventually get him to respond." Seeing Christofer and feeling how i did i couldn't even imagine what i'd feel looking at Zayn.
We made our way back to my room where i was greeted with Liam and my twins. Tyler ran up to me with a huge smile and his arms wide open for me to pick him up. "Muuaahh. Mommy missed you like crazy" I said giving him a kiss. And i walked over to Liam who had Darcy in his arms, "What's wrong with her?" I asked noticing my normally happy baby girl looking like someone just took her toy away from her. "Umm.. well we don't really know. The doctors said it might just because you haven't really been around and she's just missing you." I threw my free hand up "Great! I've fucked her up too, I can't do anything right!" I put Tyler down and laid back in bed crying again. Liam looked at Harry and then reached for Tyler's hand, "C'mon Tyler, let's go see what Uncle Nialler's doing" "Oh sure just take him away god forbid I screw him up too!"
Harry just shook his head telling Liam to ignore me then sat in the chair by my bed, "Do you want to talk about it?" "Talk about what Harry? How it's my fault our child is all hooked up to a freaking machine and is barely even breathing on his own, or should we talk about how it's my fault Zayn's where he's at! Or no no let's talk about how our 2 year old daughter is barely even functioning! God just what else can i screw up!" I saw as the tears built up in his eyes as I continued, "If only i were more careful when i was pregnant then maybe just maybe our kid would be in my arms at home. It was my baby Zayn was coming to see, and i'm sure after the voicemail i sent him he was probably rushing! Dammit Zayn you and your driving fast! And Darcy, how could i let her get so bad what is wrong with me what kind of mother am i!? Why are you still with me right now? I'm horrible and I just put people in danger! You're all better off without me maybe i wont get over this feeling depressed and numb maybe I'm just meant to get sucked into this so that everyone can finally live right."
He let the tears fall down his cheeks as he shook his head with furrowed eyebrows, "Don't.. Please just don't say that. You don't even understand how terrible my life would be without you. I don't want to hear you talk like that! None of this is your fault and you definitely better not stop fighting this depression! Or I just couldn't get on and then what? What about Darss and Tyler? Think about how they'd feel without either of us or without you. You're their mother. I wish they loved me as much as they love you but you held them for 9 months in you. You gave birth to them. You were there to tell them it was alright when i was an ass and it's you they spend there days with and that's why Darcy is acting the way she is, because she doesn't have her mother there like she use to. Just please promise me you'll try your hardest to get over this.. just please love. I can't do this without you" ..
