Running in circles(Post Malone Story)COMPLETED

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We didn't stay much longer at the party because we knew we would have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. Especially if we wanted to get some alone time, even if was just to talk. Austin didn't take Ashlen on until we where leaving, then he told her merry Christmas and he kissed her. On the lips, in front of me. It was like a knife going through my chest. Now I know how she's felt all night and it felt like shit. I felt guilty about my actions, I knew she was playing dirty too but this was taking its toll on my mental health. I recoiled into myself again my thoughts racing through my mind.

"Rey?" He pulled me into his side in the taxi and tilted my face up to his "You ok?" I tried to look away but his hand cupped my chin and kept my face where it was.

"I'm just tired Austin" I wasn't exactly lying, I was tired

"I know you too well to know that your not telling me the truth but I'll leave it be" he pressed his lips to mine and all I could think of is that he had just kissed Ashlen with those lips. I pulled my face away abruptly and his face dropped, he looked genuinely hurt. "Rey?"

"Austin?" I push his hand away from my face and straightened up "It's nothing, stop looking at me like that"

"Regan?" He pressed

"Fine, you just kissed Ash and I'm trying to process that" I cross my arms across my chest protectively "Then you just kissed me. Like it was nothing"

"Oh. I didn't think. I'm sorry" he turns his body to me and rests his hands on my thighs

"I don't need you to say sorry, you shouldn't be sorry. You love her" I look out the window trying to blink back the tears quickly before they dare to drop

"Rey, please don't shut me out. I love you" I turn to him and give him a sad smile

"I know you do Austin. And I love you" I stroke his cheek as he leans into it. "But it's not enough. I'm not willing to share "  I lean in and kiss him, the sweet kiss deepens but I pull away. "See you in the morning handsome " I quickly stepped out of the taxi at my house not letting him respond and blew him a kiss as I walked down my driveway . I let myself in and kicked off my shoes, grateful for the cold tile floor to soothe my now achy feet. I padded into the kitchen where surprisingly my Mom was still up preparing

"Hi darling did you have a good night?" I kissed her cheek on the way to the refrigerator

"Yes apart from Ashlen decided to follow us" I grab a bottle of water and take a large gulp. "Austin stayed with me but she just made it completely awkward. I felt like I was being watched constantly "

"Well at least you will have him all day tomorrow" she stroked my hair as she walked past, closing the refrigerator door.

"But will I? We haven't discussed it... I'll be heartbroken if he leaves me to go see her" my Mom wrapped her arms around me to give me a hug.

"Well we can hope he has more respect for you than that, now let's get you to bed or you won't be up tomorrow at all" she pushed me gently up to bed and tucked me in like a child. She sat on the edge of the bed like she used to when I was young

"Mom, I'm worried. What if he loves her more?" I blink back the tears

"Regan, that boy has always loved you. Don't forget that"  she kissed my forehead and turned out the lights before closing my door, leaving me to my jumbled thoughts. 

She was right he did love me. But maybe that wasn't enough. Maybe I would just have to try and move past that if he chose her. Could I walk away from him because he didn't choose me? Could I be a part of his life and watch them live happily ever after? I don't think I was strong enough to do either anymore. I can't imagine it would be easy for anyone but surely it would be easier for Ash, she hadn't known him most of her life. I was jealous she didn't have these deep rooted feelings. That she could walk away and eventually heal. I'd held a grudge for 3 years because he left me to go to LA, this would scar me for life. I turned over and looked at the picture on my bedside table, the one of me and Austin in his old truck in senior year. We looked so carefree. I squoze my eyes closed and pulled the covers over my head hoping I would fall asleep quickly so I didn't have to think anymore