I grabbed my bags and cases from the bus and jumped into a car waiting outside. I needed to get away from them all. I was becoming something I hated and that was a bully. I know I was sticking up for myself but I don't have to drag someone down to do so. It felt too good though. After all these years of her thinking she was better than me. I'd proved my point. I felt guilty for not saying a proper goodbye to the crew, especially Adam but I couldn't stay there a second longer.
The drive to my childhood home was a somber one. I did want to stay on the tour, it is something I'd always wanted to do since I stared working for Adam. Me and Adam worked well as a team and I hated letting anyone down but for mine and Austins sanity I think it would be best if we weren't around each other. We where like whirlwind and we where going to do some damage.
I practically ran into my moms arms and started to sob immediately . All the emotions I'd tried to push down came flooding out. And so did the story. I told her everything. Like word vomit it just spilled out. Even the stuff I didn't really want her to know. From the sleeping with Austin to the calling Tracy a slut. And she just sat there and listened. She rubbed my back as I cried and stayed silent untill I was finished.
"Regan darling, I think you need to speak to Austin. Talk things through. There's things that have been left unsaid. You need to get all your worries off your chest. Even if this is the end for tour for you or even the end of your friendship, you need to clear the air. Let everyone say how they feel"
"Mom, tour is a huge opportunity for me but I just don't think I can stay in that close proximity with him. We are bringing the worst out in each other. Plus I don't trust him. I wish dad was here. He would know what to do or he would beat Austin up for making me cry" I chuckled
"You know that's a lie, I swear he loved Austin more than us sometimes" she laughed. "Remember when he would buy Bud light in just because they where Austins favourites. He wasn't even legal to drink but your dad would buy them just to have a drink with him"
"Yeah it always annoyed me, he wouldnt let me have one though" I smiled, remembering. "I swear he would have swapped me with Austin if he could of"
"Maybe" she chuckled "Your Dad was devastated when Austin left you behind. But he knew you would come back to each other eventually. He hurt with you when Austin left. He hated seeing you in so much pain" she stroked my hair as I lay in her lap "He kept saying that he knew you two where destined for great things but that you would always be together"
"I'm not sure if that's possible now mom. I don't think I can go through the hurt again. Hes left me twice now. I don't think I will come back from it if he leaves me again"
"Your made of strong stuff Regan, you will bounce back. But if you don't try you will never know. Now off to bed you smell like a brewery" she scoffed. I dragged myself up to my room chuckling at her typical mom behaviour. I fell into bed, only barely managing to take off my shoes, shorts and t-shirt. I lay staring at the ceiling wondering what my dad would tell me to do. I knew what he would say I just didn't want to admit it to myself.
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