Running in circles(Post Malone Story)COMPLETED

54

Alex.

He was one out of five models that was involved in a shoot I did for GQ. There was a massive collection that Virgil had designed and he specifically asked for me to shoot it. I met Virgil through Austin and Dre, then we bumped into each other constantly on the fashion circuit. It was Virgil who introduced me to Alex and we hit it off straight away. He was beautiful. A six pack, chiselled jaw and an all over tan. He was also lovely, kind and caring. He wasn't bad in bed either. We watched the same shows, watched the same sort of films and loved the same sort of foods. I enjoyed our time together. We lounged together naked in bed and ate junk food, with no cares in the world. We watched movies till late and slept in till noon.  We even went out for dinner at small intimate restaurants. He never pressured me to do anything or go anywhere. He never told me what to do or judged me for my thoughts or feelings. I felt free with him and he helped mask the loneliness and pain from leaving my old life. We didn't go too deep, we didn't want to start something and get caught up. Neither of us where ready for that. We just wanted to flirt and fuck. We just wanted some mutual fun and it was going great until we were spotted.

We lay in bed on a lazy Sunday reading what the tabloids where saying about us, seemingly neither of us wanting to discuss the negativity that was buzzing around us like a swarm of mosquitos. His hand rested gently on the small of my back as I lay my head on his stomach. I could feel his steady breathing as he was fully engrossed in whatever he was reading. I watched as he screwed up his face in disgust, his sharp features making his face oddly look like some sort of evil elf. I softly laughed to myself as I thought of this god of a man ever looking anything but flawless. His eyes darted up to mine and he gave me a quizzical look.  I scrunched up my nose at him, rolling my eyes playfully and turned my head away from him with a small smirk on my lips. I felt his hand moving up my back and towards my sides, before I had chance to get away he started to tickle my naked waist.  I twisted around to  get out of his reach and I caught a glimpse of him out of my peripheral. He seemed to be going through the motions but his face was void of emotion, like his mind was somewhere else. Prior to all this press mess he would have had a cheeky glint in his eye and a mischievous look on his face but there was nothing there. He seemed like he was only playing because it seemed like the right thing to do. That's when I knew it was the beginning of the end.

I could  feel the difference since the press had caught wind of our tryst. He had started being a little distant and it felt like there was some unsaid things that we were both avoiding. We where still interacting as much as where always did but it now seemed slightly forced or emotionless. We had always said we would put a stop to this if it stopped being fun but we had never even discussed if something like this happened, what the plan would be. But wasn't continuing this just as bad as staying with Austin when I knew it wasn't working. Why did I want to cling to something that wasn't making me happy? Honestly I think it was because I knew when it was all over the pain over Austin would come back. I could feel it buried deep down but it was still there. When It did I knew it would overwhelm me. I now knew I would have to give Alex up soon, the attention from the press didn't seem to be going anywhere. The attention that we were desperately trying to avoid.

In the press it had quickly escalated from us being friends to that we were an item and getting married. There was a shot of us leaving a small hole in the wall restaurant in Paris and a newspaper had decided that I was wearing an engagement ring. I wasn't, the photo was inverted. It was obviously all done for sales but it put an end to our fun. It was too complicated to carry on, It brought too much attention. We wanted a quiet life. So we ended it there. I was disappointed that this was going to be the end but I knew it was enviable. We didn't even see each other after the engagement news. We spoke on the phone and cleared the air before doing the mature thing and saying goodbye. I finished my last few shoots up in Paris and tried to avoid being alone as much as possible. Knowing the loneliness made the pain come back.