Running in circles(Post Malone Story)COMPLETED

21

We rode in deafening silence to the hotel. I looked out of the window the whole time watching the buildings pass by in a blur not registering what any of them where. It was just a constant stream of brick and metal. Light and dark. Smitty didn't push me to talk. He just rested his hand on my thigh. Reassuringly not in a sexual way, just letting me know he was there when I needed him. I appreciated that. I tried to not think. I didn't want to have to organise the jumbled mess of feelings that was currently occupying my brain. I wanted to just be. Today I'd dealt with too many emotions and I just wanted to pretend that non of that existed. Pretend that my life hadn't fell apart around me in less than a day.

My manic brain crept to thoughts of my dad. The way he picked up the pieces after Austin left me. The way that he promised me everything would work out and that everything happens for a reason.

2 days after Austin left 

I hadn't left my room in 2 days. 

I hadn't eaten in 2 days. 

I hadn't spoken more than 10 words in 2 days.

My whole body ached from sobbing. My best friend had left me. He promised he would never leave me behind and here I was crying on my bedroom floor for the boy I was madly in love with while he was avoiding my calls living it up in LA. My eyes where bloodshot and sore from all the crying and they had now seemed to run out of liquid. All that was left now was the heart wrenching feeling of emptiness. He wouldn't return any of my calls or texts. I must have called him over 50 times and sent him dozens of texts. He had read them all but I obviously wasn't a priority anymore. That hurt, hurt so much I struggled to breathe.

I was torn. I wanted to admit to him that I was in love with him. Text him and tell him exactly how I felt, with the hope that he would somehow miraculously feel the same way and come back. But then that left me too vulnerable. I didn't want him to know and feel sorry for me. Which was more likely. To be his lovestruck naive best friend. Everyone at school could see through my lies but he didn't seem to have noticed that I was head over heels for him. I didn't want him to pity me. I have had enough of his pity. Taking me to prom because no-one wanted to take me. There was no way that he would want anything to do with me if he knew that I felt like that about him. It would ruin any resemblance of a friendship that still stands.  

I managed to pull myself up and stumble into the shower, my legs feeling weak and my head dizzy. I sat under the stream for what felt like an eternity. Letting the water soothe my aching body and try to help me clear my mind. With every drop of water I could feel the life creeping back into myself. My heart still ached for him though. Ached to just hear his voice on the other side of the phone. Ached, just for him to tell me he still loved me even if it was just as his best friend. 

I was used to speaking to him all day everyday. Constant texts and at least one phone call a day, even if it was just to say hello. To go from that to nothing.  Not even an acknowledgement. I was having withdrawals.  Withdrawals from my best friend. He had cut me off and he hadn't even explained why. I didn't understand. I  was obviously going to be upset but he couldn't even have the decency to speak to me when I was obviously distraught.

I managed to pull enough strength together to dry off and put fresh pjs on. I sat on the edge of my bed when my dad appeared in the doorway. My Parents where shocked at Austins sudden disappearing act. Shocked that a boy they considered family would purposefully hurt me the way he has. My dad padded his way into the room and silently sat on the bed next to me and wrapped his arm protectively around my shoulder. 

"We have ordered you your favorite pizza and I've brought you some bottles of water up. You need to keep hydrated" He rubbed up and down my arms as I sat there numb "You will come back together one day. Maybe not one day soon but I believe that you two are soulmates. Maybe not in the way anyone thought but fate will bring you back together. Hes a good kid really and you know that or you wouldn't be so in love with him"