Running in circles(Post Malone Story)COMPLETED

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It had been almost 2 years since I left Austin. That's a long time, longer than we where actually together. I lied to myself in the beginning that I would get over him eventually. I had now resigned to the fact that I would never get over him. But I was okay with that. He was my first love, fuck maybe he was my soulmate. But he wasn't ready to give up his lifestyle for me. Another promise broken. He had tried to get in touch at first but I kept strong and didn't listen to his messages. I couldn't bring myself to delete them though. Even the voicemails. I don't even know why. They just sat in my inbox taunting me, waiting for me to give in. I often wandered what they entailed. Would they be angry? Would he be crying on them? Would he talk me into running back into his arms?  He had stopped trying to contact me by now. I knew he had moved on, well multiple times. He could never be single for long, he didn't like to be alone.

I wasn't dating anyone but that's because I was jetting off all over the world. And I loved it. I had a few friends that may have benefits but nothing too serious. I wasn't ever in the same place for long other than when I'm back home in LA. I don't think I'm ready anyway, I don't think I could open my heart up again like that. Love someone as wholeheartedly as I did him. So what was the point? If I couldn't go all in why half ass it... That isn't fair on anyone. So I stayed single..

I'd kept in touch with Smitty. Oh my Smitty, he's a good egg. A golden one in fact. We spoke at least once a week and He knew not to bring up Austin. It's like it's an unwritten rule between us. He knows I'm still sad. My heart still pangs when I hear a story and he's clearly trying to avoid saying Austin's involvement, even worse if I see a Instagram story staring Austin. But god bless Smitty, he has well and truly been my rock. He's still single and I keep trying to set him up with people but with his schedule it always falls apart.

Talking about their schedule. Austin had released his 3rd album in September. And they started touring it not long after. I tried to avoid listening to it but when 'goodbyes' came out I couldn't avoid it . It was everywhere. And I couldn't help but think it may have been about me. I may have an idea that a few of the songs on the album could be about me. Not that I'm being big headed. But I had to stop listening to them because it hurt too much. I eventually had to stop listening to the radio completely because all I heard was 'circles' and that cut too deep. His name and face was everywhere. Half of me was happy and half of me hated it. I was so proud of what he has done but I was constantly being reminded of how it didn't work out. And how much I still loved him

I had made a unlikely friend in all of this and funnily enough they where a major part of how far I had come. Ashlen reached out to me when she found out what had digressed. She was my shoulder to cry on, my confidant. She had been there, well not quite the same situation but she understood more than anybody else could. I soon realised that she wasn't a gold digger but she just genuinely enjoyed his company. I couldn't blame her really, we obviously had the same taste in men. She stayed in touch with him and they became really good friends. They hung out a lot as friends. She never told him she spoke to me. She didn't want to be put in the middle of us again.

Since I left he had been connected with a few girls. They didn't seem to last long and with each new one it started to confirm he had a type. Now strangely she was the one that joined us together like a band of Merry men. She was still in his life and had met each of the new girlfriends. Once they ended up splitting with him for whatever reason they would hang out with Ash, then we would get introduced. We eventually ended up have a group chat. It was comical really. All his exes all in one place and not one of us spoke about him. The only time he was mentioned was if we introduced a new ex to the group or if he got a new girlfriend. Contrary to popular opinions none of them ended badly, seemed to be only me that he was stubborn and awkward with. I was the only one that didn't keep in contact with him. Maybe one day, far, far in the future but I couldn't do what these girls do and meet his exes that he's still friends with. We all know what happened last time. I'm too jealous.